唐宋韻
唐宋韻
海外華一代家庭中的文化爛尾工程
A cultural unfinishable Project in the first-generation Chinese families abroad
十年前的一天，家裏買來幾個石榴。我的兒子和我有一個對話 –
Ten years ago, on a day when we bought some pomegranates for our home, I had a conversation with my son in Chinese:
子：爸爸，這是什麽？
父：石榴。
子：它為什麽叫石榴?
父：那你認為它該叫什麽？
子：它為什麽不叫15或者17，偏偏叫“16”？
父：啊？你……你真沒文化 !!!
我沒有編造，這類的例子我們家還有好幾個，比如我女兒創造性地將花椒稱為“麻球”。這個水平其實也是這邊大多數ABC的中文水平，很多甚至還不如這個。從許多中國朋友家的孩子的情況看，能學到 “可用” 的程度，即具備基本的讀和寫的水平者隻有兩三人。原因很簡單，沒有中文土壤，且學習者又沒有動機。
I don't make this up; we have several examples like this in our family, such as my daughter creatively referring to Sichuan peppercorns as "numbing balls." This level of proficiency is actually similar to that of most ABCs (American-born Chinese) here, and many are not even as good. From the situations of children in many Chinese friends' families, only two or three manage to reach a "usable" level, possessing basic reading and writing skills. The reason is simple: there's no Chinese cultural environment, and the learners lack motivation as well.
每當海外父母跟我說他們的孩子中文“很好”時，我總禮貌地回答“好，好，不簡單”。但心裏就問：有文化嗎？會用成語嗎？知道“刻不容緩”與“迫不及待”的區別嗎？知道“迅雷不及掩耳盜鈴之勢”為什麽可笑嗎？
Whenever overseas parents tell me their children are "good" at Chinese, I politely respond with, "Good, good, not easy." But in my mind, I wonder: Is there real cultural understanding? Can they use idioms? Do they know the difference between "urgent" and "impatient"? Do they find "as swift as a thunderbolt" and "stealing the bell from the tiger's neck" amusing?
很可惜，即使花了很大氣力和很多時間，如果一門語言達不到流利的水平，又沒有長期使用的機會，或者隻是低水平重複，則會被忘記。每個周末，因為父母的“願望”，成千上萬的ABC在中文學校裏無奈地念經，學個半吊子。等他們一旦能夠不學，立馬兒歡呼雀躍，然後就是退步、忘記。
Unfortunately, even if considerable effort and time are invested, a language, without reaching a fluent level or lacking continuous usage opportunities, especially when at a low proficiency level, is likely to be forgotten. Every weekend, due to their parents' "wishes," thousands of ABCs reluctantly recite Chinese texts in Chinese schools, only to cheerfully stop once they no longer have to. Then comes regression and forgetfulness.
這是很多第一代移民家庭中發生的巨大的文化爛尾工程。這種爛尾損失的是時間。成人的時間是寶貴的，而兒童的時間其實更是寶貴的。如果一個人在其兒童至青年時期花數千個小時學一門技藝，無法精深，最後不了了之，那麽他/她的損失是巨大而又經常看不見的。
This is a massive cultural unfinishable project happening in many first-generation immigrant families. The loss in this incomplete project is time. Adult time is precious, and children's time is even more so. If a person spends thousands of hours learning a skill during their childhood and youth, without achieving mastery, it ends up being a huge and often invisible loss.
我的孩子個性使然，去了幾天中文學校後，便斷然拒絕。而我們也不逼迫。另一方麵，從孩子小的時候起，因為家中經常有老人從國內來訪，且家中也多用中文對話，所以孩子們的中文聽力沒大問題，基本表達也尚好，跟爺爺奶奶日常交流夠了。到此為止。他們在這方麵節省了大量的時間去發展他們的興趣愛好，獲得了豐厚的回報。我認為這樣正好。
Due to my children's personalities, they refused Chinese school after attending for a few days, and we didn't force them. On the other hand, since they were young, because we frequently had elderly relatives visiting from China and our family often conversed in Chinese, their Chinese listening skills are fine, and their basic expression is decent for daily communication with their grandparents. That's where it stops. In this regard, they saved a significant amount of time to develop their interests and received substantial returns. I think it's just right.
我知道，有人要扔磚頭，罵我數典忘祖了。不過還請閣下先扇自己兩個大耳刮子 — 你既然那麽熱愛養魚，幹嘛搬到沙漠裏去？
I know some people may condemn me for forgetting my roots. However, I'd suggest you give yourself a good slap first—since you love keeping fish, why move to the desert?
我絲毫不反對孩子學些中文，並在家裏用中文對話。我的意思是，孩子的付出與父母的期望值要合理。如果您有蓋三層樓的資金，就去蓋三層樓。如果夢想過於高遠，建出一個十層樓的框架，資金鏈就會斷裂，爛尾的可能性就比較大。而且我要再強調一遍，孩子的時間是寶貴的。這種文化爛尾盡管看不見，損失卻非常巨大、難以挽回。
I'm not against children learning some Chinese and conversing in Chinese at home. What I mean is that the child's effort should align reasonably with the parents' expectations. If you have the budget to build a three-story building, go ahead. If the dream is too lofty, constructing a ten-story framework with a fragile budget might lead to abandonment. And let me emphasize again, a child's time is precious. This cultural unfinished project, although invisible, incurs a huge and irreparable loss.
有人琢磨著將來孩子長大了可能要跟中國做生意，所以學中文“有用”。那種情況不僅太遙遠，而且靠半吊子中文去中國做買賣，隻有被騙的命。父母與其這樣功利，不如誘導孩子學習中文的興趣。如果真是發現這方麵的興趣和語言天賦，就為其創造好的學習條件。
Some people think that in the future, their children may do business with China, so learning Chinese is "useful." This scenario is not only distant but relying on mediocre Chinese to do business in China is a recipe for deception. Instead of being utilitarian, parents should guide their children to develop an interest in learning Chinese. If there is genuine interest and linguistic talent, create optimal learning conditions.
學語言，環境是必不可少的。我原先一位白人鄰居因工作原因到中國去了幾年，兩個女兒同去且在中國學校讀書。前兩年回來，我發現其水平遠超過我認識的任何一位ABC。除非你兒女搬回中華文化圈，否則你孫子輩不大可能會中文。這個根是非斷不可的，這個現實不得不麵對。假如我們保護大熊貓隻能讓其多生存一代，然後注定滅絕，那我們肯定就不費那功夫了。對於母語，心情不同，我理解。
Environment is essential for language acquisition. A white neighbor of mine, who went to China for work reasons for a few years with his two daughters attending Chinese schools, returned with language skills far surpassing any ABC I know. Unless your children move back to the Chinese cultural sphere, it's unlikely your grandchildren will speak Chinese. This root is non-negotiable, a reality we must face. If protecting giant pandas only allows them to survive for one generation, destined for extinction, we surely wouldn't bother. Native language is different; I understand the sentiment.
源遠流長的中華文化當然會繼續存在和發展。但其主要依托於中國大陸、台灣、港澳、新加坡等中華文化圈。這方麵，就不麻煩令郎、令愛們了。
The rich and profound Chinese culture will undoubtedly continue to exist and develop, primarily relying on the Chinese mainland, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Macau, Singapore, and other Chinese cultural circles. In this matter, spare your sons and daughters.
還有一個相關的論點，我認為完全荒謬：在一次聚會上有一位說，隻有學好中文，ABC才有根，孩子心中才有主心骨，否則就有身份認同問題，容易出現心理疾病。我立刻反駁 — ABC首先是美國人，不論學不學中文，都要讓孩子懂得這一點，美國是他們的國家。如果負麵認為作為美國公民的孩子需要依靠別的國家的語言去產生主心骨，這不僅容易造成孩子的心理疾病，這本身就是大人的心理疾病。
There's another related argument that I find completely absurd: at a gathering, someone claimed that only by mastering Chinese can ABCs have roots, a backbone in their hearts; otherwise, they will face identity issues and may develop psychological problems. I immediately countered— ABCs are first and foremost Americans; regardless of learning Chinese, children should understand that the United States is their country. If parents believe that their children, as American citizens, need to rely on another country's language to develop a backbone, this not only could lead to psychological problems in their children, but is, in itself, a psychological problem of the parents.
[Edited from ChatGPT translation.]
哦，是嗎，謝謝告知。雖不追求這個，也是對我碼字的激勵。
謝謝馮兄。我同意你的看法。
這邊長大的孩子，有一小部分，從某個年齡開始（可能是在小學，也可能是在大學）對中國的曆史和文化開始感興趣，想了解、學習更多。這是個人的某種素質決定的，這樣好。但對那大多數，逼沒有什麽用，反倒浪費他們人生的美好時光。
我最初對我老大也是抱著希望教中文。他對中華文化興趣很大，在暑期中文夏令營裏得到老師們大力讚揚，說他是唯一一個真心想學中文和中國文化的，其他華裔孩子都是被父母逼著來混的。
我給孩子們樹立的對中華文化的熱愛來自現代科學的分析：我給他們解釋中國古代的道德經其實是一個自然科學哲學，而孔子的儒家思想就是古代的社會科學。中國曆史上的古代賢聖從來沒有用迷信的神和上帝的概念來愚昧大眾。這一點是我們的優點，需要發揚。而且我用Google給他們看世界各族人的智商，讓他們知道東亞人智商最高，平均壽命最長，讓他們更加感到做中國人的自豪。
而且他們自己也清楚地看到：學校裏尖子學生都是華裔，其次才是白人和印度人。而且他們自己和其他學生比要輕鬆很多。我們家從不雞娃，除了學校以外沒有任何其他課外音樂體育班。他們做完作業就玩，成績照樣優秀。這都是他們更加主動要保持中華文化和身份的動力。
鴉片戰爭原因複雜，這裏不去爭論。
但那個時候的歐洲，還被閣下說成“落後的歐洲沒有任何類似的搞科技產品。。。”就完全是罔顧事實了。那時候歐洲工業革命已經二百多年，清朝的水準已經完全不再一個層次上。要不為什麽痛定思痛，搞什麽洋務運動呢？
中國落後的深層次原因不去談它。至少，從技術層麵講，現代科學技術沒有從中國發展起來，這是不爭的事實。中國的發展，其實就是在科技層麵西化，否則衣食住行絕無可能達到現在的水準。
今天的華人，不論在國內還是在海外，保留文化的沉澱當然很好，也可以很自然，但在科技、產業界，傳統中國文化不可能有它的位置，這是不爭的事實。我本人喜歡詩詞和中國文化，也在科技公司裏供職，兩者不矛盾。
至於我的下一代，他們在我家裏“熏陶”了近20年，未來的生活是他們自己的。
近代中國落後於歐洲是因為中國大國缺乏歐洲小國之間的競爭，而導致停滯不前而產生的，不是因為中國文化一無是處。基督教這種迷信宗教沒有在中國發展，就是因為中國曆史上文化一直高於西方，對西方這種愚昧迷信宗教不屑一顧。但近代因為落後，不少中國人認為西方宗教是“時髦”的，去盲目崇拜，還號稱基督教是西方先進的主要因素。
的確不能一概而論。係統學任何東西都是要投入很多時間的，靠催促不行，要自己有動機和一定的天賦。。。這個跟學樂器很像。我兒子總要催，而且不愛練習，於是我在他6年級時就把私教停掉了；女兒喜歡音樂，就成全她，她後來成了高手。
語係的問題。中文太難太難了。。。