總住院日記 Chief’s Diary （一）

七月一日正式上崗上班前意淫產物，猶豫再三，還是忍不住決定貼出來。純屬虛構，嚴禁胡猜亂測。（試試日記體，砸磚輕點兒） 

6/2/09 Somebody got to make the decision. （總住院是要做決定的） 

I found myself more popular since I was announced chief resident. Some attendings would stop and chat with me for a few minutes when they saw me, not just a nod or “How are you doing?” as they did before. It turned out that they had been chief residents before, and they want to share some experience with me. Dr. W told me: “You can not make every body happy. Some residents will like you; some will hate you, especially when you are making the call schedule. But somebody got to do it, somebody got to make the decision, and they knew it. Just do whatever you think is right, and they will respect you as a chief resident.” Sounds like common sense, but still, it is nice to hear it from my attending who was chief resident not too long ago. “Thank you for your tips!” was my answer.

剛當上總住院時，感覺一下成了熱門人物。有些主治醫生平時見到我隻是點一下頭說聲“你好”，現在如果不太忙的話就要跟我聊幾分鍾。一聊才知道，原來他們以前也當過總住院，想給我傳授一些經驗。聞醫生對我說，“你不可能讓每個人都高興。有些住院醫會喜歡你，有些會恨你，特別是如果你是排班的總住院的話。你要知道，總有人需要來做決定，這些住院醫們知道這一點。” 

6/3/09 Pick your slap （今天我挨誰的嘴巴子好涅） 

我約的病人又沒來，阿主治從我門口路過，看到我一個人在診室裏就踱進來，“祝賀你，總住院！”我說，“看起來好象你有什麽要教我的。你以前也做過總住院吧？”老阿果然拉開了話匣子，“做過！做總住院基本就是兩頭受氣，特別是管排班的那個總住院。不論你怎麽排，總有人不高興。”老阿繼續發揮，“You know you are going to do things that make the residents hate you. The attendings will make you do things that the residents don’t like. You are in the middle. You don’t want to do it to make the residents slap you, but you have to do it. The attendings will slap you if you don’t do it. You wake up every morning and think yourself, ‘which slap I feel like to pick today—from above or from below.”（很多時候，主治醫生們要通過你實施他們的政策，而這些政策有很多都不受住院醫們歡迎。如果你按照主治醫們的意見去做，住院醫會恨你。如果你不按照主治醫們的意見去做，主治醫們會生氣。你每天早晨起來後，自己感覺體會一下，今天想挨誰的嘴巴子，住院醫的還是主治醫的？）” “That’s great. I got a choice. I can pick my slap!” 。（很不錯啊，我可以選擇挨誰的嘴巴子！）我故作興奮狀。心裏想：“Sounds like one really need some sense of humor to become a chief resident.”看起來做總住院沒有一點幽默感還真不行。 

（欲知文中“我”的原型背景，請看後續日記，切勿提前盲目亂猜）