正文
3）母與子
我們第二天又去拜訪貝蒂。泰迪拿起一把梳子站在窗前，幫助貝蒂梳理她的頭發。柔和的日光灑在他們的身上。這是我第一次看到母子倆兒在一起的樣子。泰迪輕輕地梳理著貝蒂灰白的頭發，好像要把每一根頭發都放到合適的位置，還要小心不要弄斷一根。貝蒂抬起頭，開心、滿足地看著兒子。她的頭發，像照片裏年輕時候那樣，依然濃密、時尚，襯托著她親切的微笑。
我們第二天又去拜訪貝蒂。泰迪拿起一把梳子站在窗前，幫助貝蒂梳理她的頭發。柔和的日光灑在他們的身上。這是我第一次看到母子倆兒在一起的樣子。泰迪輕輕地梳理著貝蒂灰白的頭發，好像要把每一根頭發都放到合適的位置，還要小心不要弄斷一根。貝蒂抬起頭，開心、滿足地看著兒子。她的頭發，像照片裏年輕時候那樣，依然濃密、時尚，襯托著她親切的微笑。
後來，泰迪還給貝蒂請了一個私人保健護士，露絲，給她按摩、探望她。
結婚前，為了得到我母親的理解和許可，泰迪和我花了很多功夫給她寫了一封長長的信。完稿用了兩個月，泰迪用英文謄寫在一張好看的信紙上，我把它翻譯成中文。不過，我母親還是不放心也不滿意。也許所有的母親都不情願讓女兒嫁出去，或者也許泰迪是一個還未謀麵的外國人。他是那個執汝之手、與汝偕老的人嗎？
如果有人能對自己的母親這樣孝敬，我還有什麽疑問嗎？
4）戴夫姨父 - 記憶與心靈
“戴夫怎麽樣？” 貝蒂不時會問一下，有時每十分鍾會重複一次。戴夫是她的姐夫。貝蒂小時候不幸失去了父親和長兄，姐姐和姐夫照顧她、母親和二哥。我相信戴夫像父親和兄長一樣撫養她長大。戴夫是底特律的一名地區法官，一個快樂的法官，因為他一直為居民主持婚禮。我們2003年結婚時，泰迪曾經請求他主持我們的婚禮。他幽默地回答說，他得要更新法官執照，因為他的執照20年前就過期了。那時候，戴夫快要一百歲了。
我們在戴夫100歲生日前拜訪過他，他給我講了好幾個快樂法官的故事。有一次，他如何、如何在連接加拿大和美國的橋梁上給一對不同國籍的夫婦舉行了結婚儀式。他在飯館裏款待了我們一頓美餐，堅持要付款。從口袋裏顫巍巍地拽出一個老式錢夾子，給了我一個驚訝。哇，都是現金，沒有信用卡。
聖誕節到了，我們再去探望貝蒂。她又不斷地問起戴夫。那時候泰迪已經有了手機，他耐心地向貝蒂演示手機是一種全新的電話設備，然後把貝蒂和戴夫姨父連上線。兩個人很久沒見過麵了，在電話裏談了好一會兒。看起來聊得很開心。
有一天，壞消息來了。戴夫在他102歲生日前去世了。正如長期陪伴他的法庭助理對泰迪所說，“你的姨父失去了活下去的願望。” 的確，他愛的人和親朋好友已經走了很久了。盡管他的思維和記憶還向從前一樣敏銳，但是他的身體讓他失望了。
後來當貝蒂再次問到戴夫時，泰迪直接地回答到：“媽媽，姨父已經去世了。” 她顯得很難過，從此再沒有問過他。我想，除了記憶，還有心靈，心靈承載著我們的感覺吧。
3）The Mom and Her Boy
The next day of our visit with Betty, we dropped in early. Ted stood by the window and took a comb to help Betty with her hair. The morning sun peered through the window and showered them with soft sunshine. It was the first time that I watched the mom and son together. Ted gently combed Betty’s grey hair as if he wanted to make each thread of her hair at right place and not to break it. Betty looked up at her son with such fondness and gratification. Her grey hair, like those in her photos, was still full shock and fashionably accompanying her gracious smile.
Later, Ted found a private caregiver, Ruth, to give Betty massages and check on her from time to time.
To get my mother’s understanding and permission to marry, Ted and I took time to write her a long, long letter. It took us a couple of months to complete, hand-written on a nice piece of paper and translated into Chinese. Still, my mother was not assured nor satisfied. Perhaps all mothers would be so reluctant to let their daughters go. Or, perhaps Ted was a foreigner who she had not met yet. Was he the right person to take my hands?
If somebody could do this to his mother, do I still have any doubt?
4) Uncle Dave – Memory and Heart
"How’s Dave?" This is the question Betty would repeat from time to time, sometimes every ten minutes. Uncle Dave was her brother-in-law who took care of her and her mom after Betty lost her father and elder brother at a young age. I believe he cared her like her father and brother. Uncle Dave was a district Judge in Detroit, a happy one performing marriages. When Ted asked him to marry us in 2003, he humorously replied to do that he would have to renew his license as it had already been expired some 20 years ago. He was then in his late 90’s.
When we visited him before his 100th birthday, he recounted stories of a happy judge. For instance, how he married a couple of different nationalities over a bridge connecting Canada and the US. When he treated us a nice meal in a restaurant, he insisted to pay. He surprised me by pulling out a money clipper from his pocket. All cash, no credit cards.
It was Christmas Day, and another visit with Betty. She asked about Dave again. At that time Ted already had a Motorola cell phone. So, he demonstrated his new toy to Betty, which was a brand new type of telephone device. He then connected her to Uncle Dave. The two talked over the phone for quite a while as they had not met nor spoken for a long time. She looked to be quite happy and enjoyed the talk very much.
One day, the bad news came. Uncle Dave passed away before his 102nd birthday. As his long- time companion and court assistant told Ted, "Your uncle lost his desire to go on." Indeed, people who he loved and knew had long gone. And his body failed him even though his mind and memory was ever as sharp as before.
When Betty asked about Uncle Dave again, Ted said straight: "Mom, Uncle Dave has passed away." Her face saddened, and she never asked about him again. I guess that beyond memories there is heart that carries the feelings.
“戴夫怎麽樣？” 貝蒂不時會問一下，有時每十分鍾會重複一次。戴夫是她的姐夫。貝蒂小時候不幸失去了父親和長兄，姐姐和姐夫照顧她、母親和二哥。我相信戴夫像父親和兄長一樣撫養她長大。戴夫是底特律的一名地區法官，一個快樂的法官，因為他一直為居民主持婚禮。我們2003年結婚時，泰迪曾經請求他主持我們的婚禮。他幽默地回答說，他得要更新法官執照，因為他的執照20年前就過期了。那時候，戴夫快要一百歲了。
我們在戴夫100歲生日前拜訪過他，他給我講了好幾個快樂法官的故事。有一次，他如何、如何在連接加拿大和美國的橋梁上給一對不同國籍的夫婦舉行了結婚儀式。他在飯館裏款待了我們一頓美餐，堅持要付款。從口袋裏顫巍巍地拽出一個老式錢夾子，給了我一個驚訝。哇，都是現金，沒有信用卡。
聖誕節到了，我們再去探望貝蒂。她又不斷地問起戴夫。那時候泰迪已經有了手機，他耐心地向貝蒂演示手機是一種全新的電話設備，然後把貝蒂和戴夫姨父連上線。兩個人很久沒見過麵了，在電話裏談了好一會兒。看起來聊得很開心。
有一天，壞消息來了。戴夫在他102歲生日前去世了。正如長期陪伴他的法庭助理對泰迪所說，“你的姨父失去了活下去的願望。” 的確，他愛的人和親朋好友已經走了很久了。盡管他的思維和記憶還向從前一樣敏銳，但是他的身體讓他失望了。
後來當貝蒂再次問到戴夫時，泰迪直接地回答到：“媽媽，姨父已經去世了。” 她顯得很難過，從此再沒有問過他。我想，除了記憶，還有心靈，心靈承載著我們的感覺吧。
-- My Mother-in-Law Betty and Her Battle of Alzheimer (Part II) --
3）The Mom and Her Boy
The next day of our visit with Betty, we dropped in early. Ted stood by the window and took a comb to help Betty with her hair. The morning sun peered through the window and showered them with soft sunshine. It was the first time that I watched the mom and son together. Ted gently combed Betty’s grey hair as if he wanted to make each thread of her hair at right place and not to break it. Betty looked up at her son with such fondness and gratification. Her grey hair, like those in her photos, was still full shock and fashionably accompanying her gracious smile.
Later, Ted found a private caregiver, Ruth, to give Betty massages and check on her from time to time.
To get my mother’s understanding and permission to marry, Ted and I took time to write her a long, long letter. It took us a couple of months to complete, hand-written on a nice piece of paper and translated into Chinese. Still, my mother was not assured nor satisfied. Perhaps all mothers would be so reluctant to let their daughters go. Or, perhaps Ted was a foreigner who she had not met yet. Was he the right person to take my hands?
If somebody could do this to his mother, do I still have any doubt?
4) Uncle Dave – Memory and Heart
"How’s Dave?" This is the question Betty would repeat from time to time, sometimes every ten minutes. Uncle Dave was her brother-in-law who took care of her and her mom after Betty lost her father and elder brother at a young age. I believe he cared her like her father and brother. Uncle Dave was a district Judge in Detroit, a happy one performing marriages. When Ted asked him to marry us in 2003, he humorously replied to do that he would have to renew his license as it had already been expired some 20 years ago. He was then in his late 90’s.
When we visited him before his 100th birthday, he recounted stories of a happy judge. For instance, how he married a couple of different nationalities over a bridge connecting Canada and the US. When he treated us a nice meal in a restaurant, he insisted to pay. He surprised me by pulling out a money clipper from his pocket. All cash, no credit cards.
It was Christmas Day, and another visit with Betty. She asked about Dave again. At that time Ted already had a Motorola cell phone. So, he demonstrated his new toy to Betty, which was a brand new type of telephone device. He then connected her to Uncle Dave. The two talked over the phone for quite a while as they had not met nor spoken for a long time. She looked to be quite happy and enjoyed the talk very much.
One day, the bad news came. Uncle Dave passed away before his 102nd birthday. As his long- time companion and court assistant told Ted, "Your uncle lost his desire to go on." Indeed, people who he loved and knew had long gone. And his body failed him even though his mind and memory was ever as sharp as before.
When Betty asked about Uncle Dave again, Ted said straight: "Mom, Uncle Dave has passed away." Her face saddened, and she never asked about him again. I guess that beyond memories there is heart that carries the feelings.
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