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flip it up. learn from it. move on
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It sounds like you're expressing a positive and forward-thinking mindset. Learning from experiences, whether positive or negative, can be valuable for personal growth and development. Moving on with a positive attitude is a great approach to facing challenges.
Flip it up. Learn from it. Move on. Simon Sinek delves into discovering one's 'why,' and the role of feedback in the realm of writing. How does the human brain make decisions? his books ‘Start with Why’ and ‘Find Your Why'. Both books focus on how to find your purpose and help those in your life find it, too.
Key Points:
Simon Sinek underscores the importance of cultivating friendships with individuals who embrace challenges and genuinely stand by us during difficult times.
High performance, according to Sinek, is described as a state of flow where work becomes both enjoyable and productive.
The process of uncovering one's 'why' entails understanding personal purpose and aligning oneself with those who share a similar vision.
Sinek shares his personal experience of discovering his 'why' and how it profoundly transformed both his life and career.
Feedback is highlighted as a pivotal element in Sinek's writing process, with specific insights serving as a valuable tool for improvement and maintaining alignment with his vision."Simon Sinek Masterclass: The Key Steps To Finding Your Purpose
312K subscribers
Simon Sinek is an author and inspirational speaker, known for his books ‘Start with Why’ and ‘Find Your Why'. Both books focus on how to find your purpose and help those in your life find it too. 0:00 Trailer 1:23 Start 2:00 Define High Performance 8:00 The key to giving advice 13:52 How to Find Your 'Why' 18:30 How to sell 24:00 Simon's depression 32:00 Why you need good friends 39:40 How to self-evaluate 45:45 Steve Jobs 1:01:18 The dangers of fame 1:05:00 Legacy 1:07:10 Quickfire Questions
Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00
Simon Sinek felt a growing discontent with his life until a friend pointed out that something was wrong, leading him to seek a solution and find renewed energy. 00:42 
High performance is about finding a sense of purpose and cause, not just making money. Simon Sinek envisions a world where people wake up inspired every day. 02:05 
High performance is more about feeling in flow and having fun in what you do, where productivity and enjoyment collide. 03:03 
Finding your "why" is crucial to high performance, as it provides a filter for decision-making and helps align your actions with your purpose. 05:08 
Sometimes, to affect change, you have to enter the "belly of the beast," engaging with organizations that may not align with your values to inspire transformation. 06:16 
When delivering a message for change, starting with curiosity, showing genuine interest, and understanding the other person's perspective can be more effective than simply telling them what's wrong. 09:28 
? When discovering your "why," engage in the Friends Exercise: Ask a best friend what specifically about you makes them feel inspired and devoted to your friendship. 14:03 
The power of "why" lies in communicating with the limbic part of the brain responsible for emotions and trust, rather than focusing solely on rational and tangible aspects. 17:07 
The language you use when communicating your "why" matters. Focus on expressing your love for your work or organization, as love is an emotional connection that can resonate with others. 20:18 
Sharing specific examples and stories that reflect your purpose can be more effective than using general statements to communicate your "why." 20:33 
? Discovering your purpose and doing what you love can lead to a fulfilling and magical work experience. 21:30 
Telling a specific story about what you love attracts like-minded people and repels those who don't resonate with your purpose. 24:31 Having an outsider's objectivity can help in discovering your purpose or "why" when you're struggling to find it yourself. 29:08 
? Being courageous and vulnerable with friends can lead to stronger, supportive relationships and better problem-solving. 33:48 Acknowledging that no one achieves success alone and seeking help from others is essential for growth and high performance. 35:37 Understanding your attributes and characteristics helps you create environments where you can thrive and achieve success. 39:32 
Being honest and self-aware about your strengths, weaknesses, and learning style can guide you in making choices that align with your true abilities and preferences. 41:10 
Struggles faced as children can become strengths as adults. Simon Sinek's ADHD and reading difficulties in school led him to develop skills like asking questions, listening well, and connecting patterns, which benefited him later in life. 43:02 Adversity and discomfort play a crucial role in personal growth. Avoiding struggles and over-coddling children may hinder their ability to learn and discover their true potential. 46:00 
Good leaders outlive their own lives by inspiring people to believe in something bigger than themselves. Iconic leaders like Steve Jobs are remembered for their impact on people and their ability to challenge the status quo. 49:14 
Simon Sinek's approach to criticism and feedback involves discerning helpful insights from unconstructive negativity. He values the opinions of those he respects but doesn't let harsh criticism affect him negatively. 51:24 
? Simon Sinek initially lacked confidence in his writing ability but overcame it by writing in a conversational style that he himself would enjoy reading, leading to the creation of impactful books. 57:12 Simon Sinek's trusted editor, Jen Hellam, complements his skills with her meticulous attention to logical consistency in his writing, providing valuable feedback and enhancing the quality of his work. 01:00:10 Achieving commercial success can lead to increased attention and scrutiny, but it's essential to remain grounded and not let praise or criticism define one's identity. Trusting the right people and avoiding self-absorption is crucial for sustained success. 01:01:19 
Success is often accompanied by perks and privileges, but they are usually for the position one holds, not the individual. 01:04:22 
Having a clear vision (knowing your "why") and surrounding yourself with honest critics can help keep you grounded and focused. 01:05:34 
Pursuing a vision is like building an iceberg – most of it lies beneath the surface, and success requires continuous effort. 01:06:01 Leaders should strive to create a legacy beyond themselves, where their vision continues to thrive even if they are no longer around. 01:07:38 Three non-negotiable behaviors for individuals and those around them: integrity, honor (doing right by others), and the willingness to improve oneself. 01:08:19 Honor involves not taking advantage of others' vulnerabilities for personal gain and doing right by people even in difficult times. 01:10:26 Valuable advice: "Get over yourself" – avoid self-centeredness and entitlement, and remember that you don't have to know all the answers. 01:11:22 "Three quarters of an answer is better than an answer and a half" – provide helpful insights even if you can't provide a complete solution. 01:12:33 To discover your "why," consider trying the "friends exercise," or use resources like Simon Sinek's book "Find Your Why" to explore your purpose. 01:13:00 Live a high-performance life with a golden rule: Strive for the benefit of others, not just personal success. Made with HARPA AI
This is a masterclass on so many different levels. I love that Simon touches on how adversity shapes us and makes us more resilient, but also how critical help is. I also want to praise the interviewers for giving time through this interview, for not jumping in, for letting Simon develop his thoughts, and for letting the interview be about the interviewee and not the interviewers. I have watched a lot of interviews with Simon, and this is one of the best. Well done, and more importantly, thank you!
***Wow, this video really emphasizes the importance of finding our 'why' in life. It's easy to get caught up in the 'what' and 'how' of our daily routines, but understanding our deeper purpose can be so fulfilling. Thanks for sharing this insightful conversation!
*** In this episode, we delve into how Simon found his why and how he helps others find their why too. We also discuss how you cannot be a high performer on your own and hear Simon share the crucial language needed when giving feedback. Simon also explains how to shape criticism so those in power will respond well to it. This episode is a deep dive into finding your purpose, using your best attributes to their fullest and what makes a great leader. We can't wait for you to hear it. Download The High Performance App by clicking the link below and using the code: HPAPP https://www.
Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00
Simon Sinek felt a growing discontent with his life until a friend pointed out that something was wrong, leading him to seek a solution and find renewed energy. 00:42 High performance is about finding a sense of purpose and cause, not just making money. Simon Sinek envisions a world where people wake up inspired every day. 02:05 High performance is more about feeling in flow and having fun in what you do, where productivity and enjoyment collide. 03:03 Finding your "why" is crucial to high performance, as it provides a filter for decision-making and helps align your actions with your purpose. 05:08 Sometimes, to affect change, you have to enter the "belly of the beast," engaging with organizations that may not align with your values to inspire transformation. 06:16 When delivering a message for change, starting with curiosity, showing genuine interest, and understanding the other person's perspective can be more effective than simply telling them what's wrong. 09:28 ? When discovering your "why," engage in the Friends Exercise: Ask a best friend what specifically about you makes them feel inspired and devoted to your friendship. 14:03 The power of "why" lies in communicating with the limbic part of the brain responsible for emotions and trust, rather than focusing solely on rational and tangible aspects. 17:07 The language you use when communicating your "why" matters. Focus on expressing your love for your work or organization, as love is an emotional connection that can resonate with others. 20:18 Sharing specific examples and stories that reflect your purpose can be more effective than using general statements to communicate your "why." 20:33 ? Discovering your purpose and doing what you love can lead to a fulfilling and magical work experience. 21:30 Telling a specific story about what you love attracts like-minded people and repels those who don't resonate with your purpose. 24:31 Having an outsider's objectivity can help in discovering your purpose or "why" when you're struggling to find it yourself. 29:08 ? Being courageous and vulnerable with friends can lead to stronger, supportive relationships and better problem-solving. 33:48 Acknowledging that no one achieves success alone and seeking help from others is essential for growth and high performance. 35:37 Understanding your attributes and characteristics helps you create environments where you can thrive and achieve success. 39:32 Being honest and self-aware about your strengths, weaknesses, and learning style can guide you in making choices that align with your true abilities and preferences. 41:10 Struggles faced as children can become strengths as adults. Simon Sinek's ADHD and reading difficulties in school led him to develop skills like asking questions, listening well, and connecting patterns, which benefited him later in life. 43:02 Adversity and discomfort play a crucial role in personal growth. Avoiding struggles and over-coddling children may hinder their ability to learn and discover their true potential. 46:00 Good leaders outlive their own lives by inspiring people to believe in something bigger than themselves. Iconic leaders like Steve Jobs are remembered for their impact on people and their ability to challenge the status quo. 49:14 Simon Sinek's approach to criticism and feedback involves discerning helpful insights from unconstructive negativity. He values the opinions of those he respects but doesn't let harsh criticism affect him negatively. 51:24 ? Simon Sinek initially lacked confidence in his writing ability but overcame it by writing in a conversational style that he himself would enjoy reading, leading to the creation of impactful books. 57:12 Simon Sinek's trusted editor, Jen Hellam, complements his skills with her meticulous attention to logical consistency in his writing, providing valuable feedback and enhancing the quality of his work. 01:00:10 Achieving commercial success can lead to increased attention and scrutiny, but it's essential to remain grounded and not let praise or criticism define one's identity. Trusting the right people and avoiding self-absorption is crucial for sustained success. 01:01:19 Success is often accompanied by perks and privileges, but they are usually for the position one holds, not the individual. 01:04:22 Having a clear vision (knowing your "why") and surrounding yourself with honest critics can help keep you grounded and focused. 01:05:34 Pursuing a vision is like building an iceberg – most of it lies beneath the surface, and success requires continuous effort. 01:06:01 Leaders should strive to create a legacy beyond themselves, where their vision continues to thrive even if they are no longer around. 01:07:38 Three non-negotiable behaviors for individuals and those around them: integrity, honor (doing right by others), and the willingness to improve oneself. 01:08:19 Honor involves not taking advantage of others' vulnerabilities for personal gain and doing right by people even in difficult times. 01:10:26 Valuable advice: "Get over yourself" – avoid self-centeredness and entitlement, and remember that you don't have to know all the answers. 01:11:22 "Three quarters of an answer is better than an answer and a half" – provide helpful insights even if you can't provide a complete solution. 01:12:33 To discover your "why," consider trying the "friends exercise," or use resources like Simon Sinek's book "Find Your Why" to explore your purpose. 01:13:00 Live a high-performance life with a golden rule: Strive for the benefit of others, not just personal success. Made with HARPA AIThis is a masterclass on so many different levels. I love that Simon touches on how adversity shapes us and makes us more resilient, but also how critical help is. I also want to praise the interviewers for giving time through this interview, for not jumping in, for letting Simon develop his thoughts, and for letting the interview be about the interviewee and not the interviewers. I have watched a lot of interviews with Simon, and this is one of the best. Well done, and more importantly, thank you!
***Wow, this video really emphasizes the importance of finding our 'why' in life. It's easy to get caught up in the 'what' and 'how' of our daily routines, but understanding our deeper purpose can be so fulfilling. Thanks for sharing this insightful conversation!
*** In this episode, we delve into how Simon found his why and how he helps others find their why too. We also discuss how you cannot be a high performer on your own and hear Simon share the crucial language needed when giving feedback. Simon also explains how to shape criticism so those in power will respond well to it. This episode is a deep dive into finding your purpose, using your best attributes to their fullest and what makes a great leader. We can't wait for you to hear it. Download The High Performance App by clicking the link below and using the code: HPAPP https://www.
Trailer
I didn't want to wake up at noon anymore I just was I was done and the feelings
got darker and darker and darker it wasn't until a very dear friend of mine came to me and said there's something wrong there's something different and
all of that energy that went into lying hiding and faking every day I now had new energy Renewed Energy to actually
find a solution this week on high performance author and inspirational speaker Simon sinek I told the story to
the head of sort of talent for BBC sport because I wanted to be a sports presenter and it she said to me these
are the exact words BBC sport don't employ people like you
but now I like why have I done it okay so but very very few of us can clearly
articulate why we do what we do I don't mean to make money I mean what's your purpose what's your cause what's your
belief why did you get out of bed this morning I have a vision of a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired but I
don't think you can be high performance by yourself I don't think it exists they're either not as high performing as they think they are or they are high
performing but a tremendous cost so if we turn the lens onto yourself how did
you come to discover your why then is really hard when your friends say to
you there's something wrong and you go no everything's fine and then they let it go the friends who truly truly truly love you are the ones who will lean into
that tension and go I got you I love you you're safe
hey it's Jake here um I just wanted to drop in first of all to say thank you to all of the new subscribers here on high
Start
performance but also to let you know that we have launched the high performance app to get you closer to
your own version of high performance you can hear episodes before anyone else you can listen totally ad free and you can
also get exclusive content that you will not hear anywhere else all you need to do is hit the link in the description
for this video and you can download the high performance app enjoy
Simon welcome to the show thanks for having me we're very excited about this conversation
the first question for you is how would you define high performance
Define High Performance
um I think high performance is more of a feeling than an accomplishment right
um I think high performance is being in flow um when I feel like I'm performing well
I'm actually having fun um you know no matter how difficult the work is no matter how stressed I am
um even if I work late at the end of whatever I'm doing that day I'll walk I
go that was fun um and so for me high performance is probably this intersection where you like the thing that you're enjoying and
the thing that and you're being productive sort of collide um yeah I think it's more of a feeling
than it is a a calculation so what are the things that get you there
um well as I said you know fun is a big part of it for me and and the way that I
I make sure that it is fun is that there's a context for everything um so I'm very very Purpose Driven cause
driven I have a vision of a world um that does not yet exist a world in which the vast majority of people wake
up every single morning inspired feel safe wherever they are and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do and
as long as whatever I'm doing is moving towards that and I don't even care what it is
um uh no matter whatever I'm doing is working towards that and I can I can either feel or measure that I'm working
towards that then I will much more easily find myself in that state so for
example if I know something doesn't so let me give you an example like if some company calls me and says we'll offer
you a ton of money to come and speak to our top 30 sales people at a company that I don't really respect that their
culture is something that I wouldn't write about but they just offer me a ton of money you know to go do it I I will
turn it down because the feeling of being there will feel like work
whereas when I got offered to go somewhere where pays a lot less but what
they tell me that their company does or the way that they lead their people I find interesting I find inspiring I
actually want to learn from them and then showing up with them in the conversations I have with them and the
feeling that I get that I'm contributing to whatever it is they're doing that that brings me tremendous uh joy and
flow so it's it's really about having a filter and using it I think a lot of people talk about cause and purpose but
they use it as a punch line you know it's copy on a web on a website um and and if you're too metrics driven
you'll um it'll it's much harder to get that feeling because
um metrics don't produce that feeling ever I wonder though whether those sort of three key principles of how you would
love to see the world whether you could get there even quicker if you went into these businesses that didn't understand
the way you think or didn't have these values and almost opened their eyes what they could be oh yeah make no mistake I
don't just preach to the converted yeah I mean my team knows I call it Belly of the Beast which is I will say yes to
things where I know that they don't um you know I'll go into a a big bank
that I think has done damage and I will I will show up as a preacher for sure but then I have to have scale right so
the example I gave was 30 of our top sales people I'm not moving any needles that day right but if you say it's the
top 30 CEOs from the biggest you know whatever venture capitalist firms and
Banks whatever oh yeah yeah I'm gonna do that but I'm coming with a different agenda you know I'm coming there to
preach so I've worked with many dysfunctional broken companies the difference is is there's at least a few
people a few Executives who know that change has to happen and they welcome my
message when when I go in there in other words there's hope I'm I'm not going to go preach to a brick wall you know
there's literally no point there has to be at least somebody in there who who who who has interest
um which is a pretty easy thing to gauge there's a famous saying then that all progress depends upon the Unreasonable
Man so when you go into these environments where you where you're preaching these messages how do you cope
with the idea that sometimes it isn't what they want to hear well I I don't think they're going to
invite me you know I mean those who those who know my if they're inviting me
it's somebody has at least told them that this is going to happen and it's happened a few times where they didn't
do their homework you know maybe they just you know somebody said you should get get this guy and they did and I remember there was a company a bunch of
years ago and I'll leave out the names to protect the to protect the guilty um but the CFO came he was I wasn't
waiting in the green room waiting to go out and he came into the agreement and said listen I have a favor to ask you know
don't talk about layoffs I said why not he goes well we're planning on having a round in a couple
of weeks and I don't want you to talk about that that's bad for business I said but it is bad for business it's bad
for a corporate culture he was yeah I know but don't talk about it I said well I'm not gonna not talk about it like I'm
not gonna I won't bring it up I'm not going to be spiteful and I'm not going to stab you with it but if it comes up
I'm gonna talk about it he goes no no I know but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't talk about I'm like yeah I'm not going to make that promise
so that has happened a couple of times but again I think most people I've got enough work out there that if you I I'm
they know that I'll always speak my mind and if they're afraid of that I did have somebody cancel on me once there's a big
brand who I had a meeting with the the senior Executives before I went to visit them and
um we had a very honest conversation they Uninvited me because the reason because the reason I asked the question
Simon is that please name them yeah the reason I ask you is because there
will be people that are almost advocates for your message that are in those
organizations that want to get the message across sometimes you can be the messenger that delivers it to a certain
The key to giving advice
level of leadership so I suppose my question is more aimed at what advice or tips or techniques
could you offer for those people that are in the belly of the Beast that are trying to make it happen yeah without
having the platform that you do so um um
one of the mistakes that people make and and by the way folks in my position as well make this mistake the well-intended
Insiders who want to affect change um they they come ganza blazing you know
they get the chance to talk to the executive and it starts off with sometimes the words but at least the
mentality of let me tell you what's wrong or let me tell you how to fix this thing and
um uh and nobody wants to hear that like can you
imagine if I sat down and said can I just tell you how to make your podcast better can I just spend 10 minutes and
like tell you what's wrong with your podcast I mean I I haven't even said anything already you're shutting down right you're like no don't tell us that
right um but if I talk about vision and I talk about where I want to go and I talk
about the world that I imagine I think a lot of it is language and it has to start with curiosity you
know um can I talk to you about some of the things that you're imagining for this company you know what do you envision
for this company and if somebody shows curiosity for the ideas of somebody else then and only then are they open to your
ideas um only if you show interest and give someone if if you make somebody else feel seen and heard and understood then
they want to return the favor by making you feel seen and heard understood so very often I don't actually think it's the point of view I think it's the way
in which we present the point of view to those in power almost always I saw it play out recently in front of in front
of me very senior executive went up to his boss and basically said let me tell you what's broken and what's wrong and I
saw his boss just shut down um as opposed to going up and be like hey are you how are you it's been a
stressful few weeks I just want to check in and see that you're okay you know so it's it's I and I pride
myself on that I think that was the coup of start with why to be honest I'm not the first person to talk about purpose of work but back when I started talking
about the why if you talked about purpose at work you were some weirdo hippie you know and so talking about
purpose at work you're literally only preaching to the converted this very small group of people who believed in it
and the coup of start with why um was the language which is I found a a
neutral language that made those who needed to hear the message hear the
message it also was new language that those that were struggling to tell their bosses now had new language and I got
that in the early days I'll start with why the number of people who came up to me and said thank you you've given me language that have that is helping me
tell them the thing I've been trying to tell them for years so the once again it goes back to to
language so let's talk about why then yeah it's the global bestseller many
many copies around the world have been and continue to be and will continue to be sold but I'm also sure there might be
a few people listening to this sort of thinking hang on a minute we'll start with why what's that about or even
people who maybe have heard of the book or might have read some of the book but would love to hear more from you about it so could you explain the concept of
start with Y for the uninitiated so very simply um every single one of us knows what we
do the products we sell this Services we offer the jobs we perform yeah um some of us know how we do we do the
things that we think make us stand out or distinguish us from others who do similar things to us but very very few
of us can clearly articulate why we do what we do I don't mean to make money
um I mean what's your purpose what's your cause what's your belief why did you get out of bed this morning why does
your organization exist and why should anybody care and what I learned is that the great leaders the most inspiring
leaders everybody from Mahatma Gandhi Martin Luther King Steve Jobs you know
all these great leaders these inspiring leaders every single one of them thinks acts and communicates the exact same way
and it's the complete opposite to the rest of us where we start telling people what we do they start telling you what
they believe and what they do simply serves as tangible proof of what they believe and the magical thing about this
little idea is it's not my opinion it's based on the biology of how the human brain makes decisions go and tell us
more about that so the human brain the the
there's a part of the brain called the neocortex which is our Homo Sapien brain it's the newest part of our brain it's
responsible for all of our rational thought and language it's just not
responsible for decisions this is where the what exists right it's very rational easy to see tangible the limbic part of
our brain is responsible for all of our feelings like trust and loyalty this is where gut decisions come from it's also
responsible for all of our Behavior but it has no capacity for language which is why it's hard to put feelings into words
this is why we use analogies and metaphors all the time um and so when we start with why you're
actually talking to the decision-making part of the brain that's why it feels inspiring
um this is why you light up or get goosebumps when you hear those kinds of messages or feel like somebody's talking
directly to you um as opposed to describing a product which you can understand and it's all
very rational and most people lead with the rational they're trying to make a tangible or or
a rational case why you should or shouldn't do something or buy or not buy something the great leaders Inspire us
to buy and again it's just the biology so I love that point you make about how like the neutrality of a language it so
there's a phrase that I heard on education let's talk about the language that is psychologically privileged that
you can get ideas in so if there's somebody listening to this that maybe wants to start exploring their why
How to Find Your 'Why'
what's the kind of language are the questions that they should be on they should be asking that sort of open up
these kind of conversations for themselves to learn their own way or well first for themselves but also well
let's talk about for themselves initially and then maybe talk about how they can do it with teams that they're
part of sure so um to do for someone's for yourself to learn your own why
um first of all understand that Hawaii is basically an origin story it's where you come from we are the products of our
upbringing you know the experiences you had growing up make you who you are make
me who I am your why is fully formed by your mid to late teens and it doesn't change for the rest of your life you
have only one why you are who you are now whether you're living in balance with that is a different conversation
whether you're making the decisions that are are of high in uh uh High authenticity and that's all that
authenticity means authenticity means the things that I say and the things that I do reflect who I actually am
that's all it means um that's a different conversation um and so when you know your why the
ability to make those choices becomes a lot easier you know we've all had the feeling of flow and things like this
except it's a little bit like a roulette game like sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't like I've done the same thing a thousand times how come it
doesn't feel good anymore um so here's a fun way you can learn your why uh it's called the friends
exercise go and find do this with a best friend you know do not do this with a spouse do not do this with a sibling do
not do this with a parent it doesn't work best friend somebody who loves you who will be there
for you they'll pick up the phone at three o'clock in the morning and you would do the same for them and ask them this simple question
why are we friends and they're going to look at you like your nuts because the part of the brain that controls that deep feeling of love
and Trust doesn't control language is a difficult question to answer and so they'll say
I don't know of course they know they just don't have the words for it and so you actually
stop asking the question why and you're asking the question what what specifically is it about me come on what
specifically is it about me that I know that you would be there for me no matter what
struggle and you can't help them and you can't let anybody else help them you have to let them go through the process and they'll start describing you I don't
know you're smart you're loyal I trust you and you play Devil's Advocate good
that's the definition of a friend you have that with lots of people what specifically is it about me that I know
you would be there for me no matter what and again they'll go through a few rounds of complaining and describing you and eventually they'll quit and they'll
start describing themselves and this is what my friend said to me they said I don't know Simon all I know is that I can sit in a room with you I
don't even have to talk to you and I feel inspired and I got goosebumps in fact I'm getting them right now it
happens every time because what they did is they put the value that I have in the
world into words and I had the emotional response and that's what will happen somebody will say something that you
will either get goosebumps or you'll well up or something will happen and that's that that's when you know you you hit you've hit it because the thing that
you give to the world that you should be working to give to the world consistently is the reason those people love you it's the reason why you're not
friends with everyone and if you do this with multiple friends the amazing thing is they will say very
similar if not the exact same thing because that's the thing you give to the world that is your why it is the reason
you get out of bed in the morning um it's a really fun exercise
um with teams it's slightly different but even for companies a wise to learn origin story you know where the company
came from the founder story is is the why of the organization for teams it's a
little different um in those cases you want to tell specific stories that reflect why we
love coming to work every day right and by the way you asked before like how do I communicate my white other people
um just remember I'm not smarter I've just been doing this a lot longer so I'm practiced which is why I can sort of
sort of wax off a wax on about a about a vision or something like that just because I've it's taken me many many
iterations to get it right easiest way to do it is
um is to Simply say to somebody let me tell you why I love working here not like love you know like is rational I like my
job I like the people I get paid well I like my job love is emotional it's like you know I you know the question is like
do you love your wife yes I like her a lot you know it's a different standard right love is a higher standard so when
How to sell
you talk about what you love it's it's profoundly different I'll give you a silly example actually one that
comes from the book which I haven't thought about in quite a long time um
trying to communicate your ideas to someone whether it's selling a product selling
yourself in an interview or just in a meeting with people just you want to you want people to quote unquote buy your
ideas right it's the same as dating I mean think about it you sit across the table from somebody and you hope to make
the sale you hope to make the deal right that's what you want so let's make a dating analogy let's take um let's call
him Brian right and we send Brian out on a date um and he sits down at the table with
this girl that he was set up with and this is how he starts the date he goes um
I'm incredibly rich um I'm I'm very successful
um I'm on TV a lot which is great because uh I'm quite good looking
I know a lot of famous people um and I have a beautiful house you should come by sometime
now the question is how well did that date go instinctively we all know that was crap
right but think about how people sell their ideas or how companies sell themselves it's like we're very very successful
company um you may have seen our advertising on on TV we're very we're very good at what
we do we have beautiful offices you should come by and see them sometime well if we know the date was crap why would we think that that would work any
better the answer is it doesn't right um now let's send Brian back out again
um and this time we'll arm him with his why and we'll say he doesn't know his
why but he can answer specific questions about love right he can give specific examples
so he sits down again and he says you know I absolutely love my work
um just the other day just just three days ago um one of my team members was struggling
and I just I had the opportunity to like I was walking down the hall and I was in I was late for a meeting but I thought
you know what this is more important to me and I sat down with them and like helped them figure out a problem and then
I just went to my meeting and showed up late and when I explained why I was late everybody said yeah yeah of course you
did the right thing and I got to tell you it is the most magical thing in the world to come to work every day in a
place where I get to do that and it's so appreciated and the best thing about it was I made a lot of money because of it and I got to meet a lot of famous people
I get to go on TV all the time which is really great because I'm good looking and and I got I got to buy a beautiful house and you should come by sometime
like all the same rational stuff is there but how different did that feel yeah right and so now the rational stuff
is the proof but it's not the reason to buy so if you can tell a specific story of
what you love and it's a high bar you have to love it it's a way to attract people who love
the same thing and the best thing about it is it's a filter because there are some people listening to that story and think that's cheesy we're not going to
do well together in business so it's a fantastic filter that it attracts the right people and it repels the wrong
people brilliant okay I've got a lot of things running through my head right the biggest one is this
this fear that I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to find my why now at this point in the conversation Simon offered to help
me find my why here's a small example of what we discussed you had that experience of sitting in
the back of the car yeah your mum probably trying to keep your dad awake you know was there something in
particular about this one or is that just one you found to try and capture the general the general memory um I
think it was because my parents were really busy so my dad used my dad was a charity worker but also was doing a degree while we were kids my mum was a
full-time teacher so there wasn't loads of like we weren't a family that did loads of stuff actually mum and dad were
like they worked basically and then the weekends were a list of jobs Saturday and Sunday and they're still like that
even now in their 70s they just have you go in the house they have a list of jobs all the time and I think it was just like that was gone and it was just we
were just together at those moments so that's why that stands out far more than being at home really like I wouldn't
really pick up on anything so it's the the joy of going on the adventure with the family yeah or maybe
two people who are more adult than you yeah yeah kind of like the formula one example yes right so yeah those stories
are very very similar which wasn't you standing by yourself in the pit Lane right it was you said it was these two
people that you're standing with you know a race car driver and a multi-millionaire team owner you know
kind of like mum and dad you know a charity worker and a teacher who are highly qualified people but in that moment you're just a family and you're a
part of that family and you may be the youngest least qualified person but you're still a part of the family yeah and uh those two are exactly the same
story that incredible sense of like oh my God like this is it I love this I'm in the car with them yeah you know this
is this is it and everybody's relaxed and we're enjoying ourselves and I'm I'm a part of this you know and they see me
as equal yeah yeah you know they didn't look down on me and you said I feel like I've arrived you feel like I'm here but
it was also that they treated you that way yeah you know and so your why is very
much your why is is very much about um
Simon's depression
um feeling a part of the family feeling a part of the team um and I would venture to say that
you're at your happiest when you are working with people in common cause to do something together and where you
struggle is when you're asked to do things alone and to hear that in full download the high performance app for free right now and you can hear the full
conversation as Simon guided me through finding my own why right back to the
conversation so if we turn the lens onto yourself how did you come to discover your why then
so I um it was I reached a point in my career where I had fallen out of love with my work
um superficially my my life was good you know I owned my own business we had amazing clients we did amazing work
doing what was I had a marketing consultancy yeah um in New York and uh
I didn't want to wake up at noon anymore I just was I was done I was a sudden
realization of a darling one I mean you know these things always feel sudden
but they've been you know that's a slow boiling frog Until you realize the water's boiling um so the answer is who knows it it
showed up you know like how long does it take to feel depressed you know I don't
know um and I was deeply embarrassed feeling bad because I shouldn't look
look what I'm doing look at the things I'm getting to do like I shouldn't be you know depressed
or you know not want to go to work and so I kept it to all those negative feelings to myself
which really is stupid um and the feelings got darker and darker and darker and they feed on each
they feed on themselves and that's the problem with keeping negative feelings to yourself they they fester and grow and it got to the point
where I was in really a dark place but all of my energy went into pretending that I was happier more in
control and more successful than I really felt so nobody knew um and uh it wasn't until a very dear
friend of mine came to me and said there's something wrong there's something different I don't know what it is but something's off and I
for whatever reason I I opened up and came clean and it was cathartic you know it was a weight lifted off my shoulders and all
of that energy that went into lying hiding and faking every day I now had new energy Renewed Energy to
actually find a solution um uh I'll spare you the long drawn out
story but I had already articulated this idea of the Y and the Golden Circle to explain why some marketing worked and
some marketing didn't and it was the discovery of the human brain the limbic brain and the neocortex
um uh which I learned at a dinner party I was sitting next to somebody who their dad was a neuroscientist I mean it was
just like polite conversation and like Belle started going off and I realized it didn't explain why marketing worked
it just it explained why people do what they do and I realized this was my problem I knew what I did I knew how I
did it but I couldn't tell you why that's what I needed to find and I couldn't do it for myself and so I
brought in an outsider who had objectivity and took me through some sort of version of his his process and
mine that really helped but the more important thing was I figured out how to help my friends find their why sure and
that's what I started doing I started helping my friends find their why but there's an element of your story that and thank you for sharing it that I
think takes courage to do that whether it was that friend of yours that has just spotted that something is off
with you to ask you that the courage to open up and be honest and be vulnerable with them is something that I think it
doesn't get referred to enough thank you but I disagree
because I think my friend had the courage not me you know um
I think it's really hard when your friends say to you there's something wrong and you go no everything's fine and then they let it go
or they're not even willing to say some things off they just kind of it's too uncomfortable you know we don't like
discomfort discomfort we certainly don't like causing discomfort and we certainly don't want to create tension or a fight
and so we just leave it and I think the courageous friends the
friends who truly truly truly love you are the ones who will lean into that tension and go I don't care what you say
and I know you're lying to me I love you to death and I know something's wrong and I'm going to keep
asking you until you tell me you know and more importantly whatever
it is I got you I love you you're safe I don't know what it is and
I don't care what it is just know that I'm your partner and you are never alone and the friend who helped me that became
the way we said I love you to each other um we used to say you're never alone because that's how it all started you
know she said to me you're not alone here um so I think the she had the courage to get me to open up and then I just
stepped into the safe space so if we accept that courage was present for sure that for sure I just won't take the
question that's very Noble on people I think the reason I'm asking that is because for
anyone listening to this Simon I I'm interested in you articulating what are the benefits of being prepared to ask
these questions that are often on that go unanswered yeah I mean you know human beings are
despite our own self opinions we're not that strong and we're not that smart but
in teams and groups we're amazing and so trying to solve your own life problems by yourself
I've got it I've got some really bad news you can't which is why addiction
exists because I can't solve these problems myself I can't overcome the stress myself so I'm going to drink
you know or I'm going to do something else that's harmful to myself my family and my relationships as all addictions
are whether you're addicted to your cell phone addicted to alcohol addicted to drugs you're going to destroy your relationships you're going to destroy
yourself um and there is tremendous value
and it does take courage you're right for somebody who loves you to say
I got you I'm here let's do this together or for you to
call a friend and say I I think I'm struggling and and I think I can't do this alone can
you help me it's humiliating but it is perhaps the single greatest lesson that any human being can learn
which is to say I don't know and I need help um and if you can learn that
um and you can do it in the worst of times you can do it all the time you can do it with silly things and I I for me I
mean I mean for those who know my work you know I regularly call myself an idiot you know and I do think of myself
as an idiot because I have no problem saying I don't know can somebody who knows who's smarter than me explain this to me I I'm under no false illusion that
I have to present myself as the smartest person in the room because I'm not you
know and where I'm good I might know a sliver of something but my goodness everything else we're talking about I know nothing
um and um and I think being comfortable with asking for help and saying I don't know
um it turns out we're surrounded by people who want to take care of us and help us but they don't because they didn't think we needed it because we were too busy presenting ourselves as
perfect and having all the answers so they just didn't yeah but they would yeah if we just asked
um and you know I have a I have a small group of friends where you know we we have a deal and you know I have a couple
of friends that are super senior super high performing um by all traditional definitions and I
remember the first time one of us called the other and said I'm stuck which is really difficult to do because
you want to look smart and strong to people who you respect and they're so smart and strong
um and I have one of my dearest friends he's in the military is a he's a senior officer in the U.S Air Force active duty
still and uh um I remember the first time he called me brother
Why you need good friends
which in the military is a big deal you know you and I have colleagues and co-workers they have brothers and sisters
um and so they call each other brother and they call each other sister and it's an amazing thing
um and I remember the first time he said all right brother I'll talk to you later or hey brother and I was like like that
means the relationship was different now you know and he's a warrior I mean he's a he's a he's he's a hardcore he's an
amazing human being and when we get off the phone he'll say I love you you know or he'll text me and say I miss you not
just miss you I miss you which is way more vulnerable you know and it's deeply human and he and I are you know we call each
other and say I'm struggling or I'm stuck and sometimes it's business I just need your opinion but sometimes it's personal
just frustration you know can I talk to him so freaking frustrated
um but to have to Foster those relationships and those relationships take a lot of work to get to they don't just show up and they do require risk
you know at some point you open up a little bit but to have those kinds of friendships I think are absolutely essential to being
what we would call a high performance human being I don't think you can be a high performance by yourself I don't think it exists
and anybody who does is they're either not as high performing as they think they are or they are high performing but
a tremendous cost um they're lonely they need pills to
start the day um they have other issues they'll have health issues later in life I think if
you want to if you choose to be quote unquote High performing by yourself it comes at a cost that I think is not
worth it and can I just upload that message because I think particularly for young people now listening to podcasts
logging onto social media sites Instagram all these other things we seem to load the self-made success story and
everybody wants to tell us they did it on their own yeah I think it's so good to hear this yeah I heard this amazing
uh story from Steven Spielberg where he said uh
that he hears his name he gets thank yous like people thank him from the stage
when they're receiving an Oscar that he actually doesn't know and has never helped but the people who he's
actually helped don't thank him because there's this fear that if I thank Steven Spielberg for helping me
that somehow it devalues the fact that I earned an Oscar which of course is nonsense it doesn't
but there's this deep-seat insecurity that I can't thank anybody or say that I got any help that I'm the I'm the look
how great I am yeah and the reality is there's not a single person in the world made it without
advice from someone a favor from someone a door open from someone advice from someone
um a shoulder to cry on from someone someone to vent to you know anybody it
may be negative like even I don't know people that cause problems in your life bullies at school like yeah they're all collaborated they're all collaborative
because they've built your resilience your understanding of human nature nothing's a solo journey in this world
and to thank people who really did thank you is I think humble yeah right and anybody who presents themselves like
they're the lone wolf that triumphed and won these Awards and achieved this wealth and power and fortune or whatever
it is the joke is we know you're lying if you're a human being I know you're a
liar right so why not just come clean and I'll actually think really highly of you there'll be people listening to this
now that think man this guy's got it together he understands himself he understands
the world he understands business understands leadership when you found your why yeah
does it take away the doubt and the fear and the the bad days and the insecurities no of course not
um it helps me understand the times when things went well why they went well it
helps me understand the times that things went badly why they went badly and it helps you make choices so that I
put myself in a position of strength more often than not right so for example I am I hate the conversation about
strengths and weaknesses what are your strengths what are your weaknesses I think it's a stupid conversation because everything requires context right you
don't have strengths or weaknesses you have characteristics and attributes and in the right contexts those things
are strengths and in the wrong context the wrong environments those things are weaknesses always right so it's better to know who
you are and then look for the environments in which those things will be advantages so for example if somebody
came to me and said Simon your work's amazing um we're gonna offer you 10 million
pounds to do whatever work for us and we're going to lock you in a room by yourself for three weeks and and let you
get at it right now superficially most people like amazing but I know that if I
say yes to that deal one of two things is absolutely going to happen one I suck
at working by myself right I know this this is an attribute I may I like being on a team it is an attribute not a
strength not a whisk and it's an attribute so if you make me work by myself one of two things is absolutely going to happen
the quality will suck so I'll give you work and I go wait no we didn't pay for this
right or the stress that it's going to take me to get some sort of decent product will be absolutely it'll destroy
my health and myself and everything right the stress is just tremendous
so when I get offered you know if anybody's listening I would accept this offer but the you know if anybody ever
came to me with that offer I would say thank you but I would like a team of people please that I get to choose and
you can lock the team in the room for three weeks and we'll come up with the product because now I'm taking my attribute and
I'm putting myself in a position of strength and so one of the things that when I learn my why and I learn my house it helped me better navigate and create
the environments that make it that make me more likely to be in a position of
strength than not that's all it is and if I couldn't make it work at least I went in with eyes wide open going this
is gonna suck but at least I'm gonna do it for a short period of time and I think the cost is worth it
right um because I always weigh the cost of everything the everything comes at a cost
there's a there's a cost for the money you make there's a cost for your career there's a cost for your relationships
and that there's nothing wrong with that just like there's a cost to buy a cup of coffee right the question is was the
cost worth it yeah you know was this coffee worth five pounds right if the
answer is yes spend it if the answer is no find somewhere else to spend it or look for something cheaper and so I
always weigh the cost and say is it worth the cost and if the answer is yes I'll do it the answer is no I'll I'll work very hard not to
I mean this is fascinating because we've done over 200 of these interviews Simon where we often come back to the teaching
of Howard Gardner the educational psychologist that has that great line of don't ask people how clever they are
instead of ask them how are they clever and a really good example of that was when we interviewed Joe Malone she she's
a perfumeyerian she spoke about how in the school environment she came from a broken home
so she was working extra jobs over evening and weekends she was dyslexic it hadn't been diagnosed so in the school
environment when she was yawning because she'd been working the night before she was diagnosed as being lazy when she
couldn't understand the work she was diagnosed as being stupid and she said it was when she took herself outside of
that environment and she realized she had this amazing ability to take ingredients and create beautiful smells
so we're seeing this pattern remarkably frequently amongst our high performance that you're describing
I'm interested in how again our listeners could could identify their characteristics and their attributes so
that they can put themselves in environments where they thrive um I mean you have to be honest with
How to self-evaluate
yourself as one which is you know you don't have to beat yourself up but you don't have to rationalize and make sure
that everything's good which is most people have some sense of self-awareness you know you know do you work better by
yourself or on a team you can answer that one you know do you work better on distress or do you need like time you
know are you the kind of person who you know you get good grades but you need to study a lot or your grades are fine but
you didn't study that much like I always believe grades should be ratios you know it's like the the the grade achieved
over a number of hours studied right you know okay so if you need a first and you're willing to give someone 50 hours
that's your person but if you're willing to sacrifice quality a little bit but you need it done in an hour yeah I got
somebody else for you over here not better or worse difference yeah right and I think what we have done is we
falsely assume assume that high levels of achievement is the most important so if you get the
top grades it means you're the smartest in the room but again not if it took you 50 hours and I need somebody who can work Under Pressure yeah right so most
of us kind of know that like how do you learn can you skip class and just do all the
reading and you'll do well on the test or do you have to go to class because you have to hear it like are you an oral
learner or are you a visual learner you know how do you take notes you know all of these I think anybody who's a little
bit introspective can figure out where they did well like I I cannot go and I'm I have ADHD So reading is pointless to
me right right in one ear and out the other I mean it's like it's literally pointless and so I still have to pass
school and so I'm a great believer that the solutions we find to the struggles we have as children become our strengths
as adults so I'm at school with ADHD I can't read I mean I can physically read I just don't comprehend and have it been
diagnosed no no I didn't get diagnosed until an adult and so many similar things you know
hyperactive kid who was accused of being selfish or or didn't care about people
because I was absent-minded I forgot a lot of things that I was supposed to remember um and if
if you believe a lot of that stuff it'll destroy your self-worth um and there were definitely moments
where that happened you know I'm like oh my God I'm a selfish horrible human being you know
um um but uh but thank goodness it wasn't diagnosed because even though there were
difficulties that came with it and there was definitely struggle um I the hacks that I figured out because I had to pass school was I had
to go to class couldn't skip class I needed really good teachers who were good at explaining things I couldn't
have them teach from a book because I because I had to enjoy myself in class
um I uh had to go after class and talk to the teacher because the conversation helped me learn and then I did fine
you know and so I got really good at asking questions I got really good at listening well look what I do for a living
right um so all of those skills were formed and so why am I good at connecting
patterns like I did with you in a you know with just a couple of examples well that comes from my childhood because I had to pass the test so I needed to get
as much information from as short a period of time as I could because I gotta figure this stuff out like doesn't
make me smarter it just means I figured out a life hack and I think you know in this modern day and age we're so afraid
of our kids being in positions of discomfort that we're removing all the struggle you know we're putting them on
big pillows and saying let me make this as easy as possible for you now of course every parent wants to make life
easy but if you talk to the quote unquote High performing people in the world I mean there's that very famous story about Richard Branson you
know where his mom would drop him off three miles from home and say see you at home and you'd have to figure out how to
get home and she would always tell the funny story how this whatever it was you know a half an hour 20 minute walk would
take him three hours because he kept stopping to like look at all the flowers and look at all the bugs and and now you understand a guy with a tremendous
ability to solve problems and with insatiable curiosity well duh you know
like go look at how he was raised um and um and you talked about it in the
bully at school like you know adversity is is the best teacher in the world
um and if we over cuddle and oversimplify and and and and
um then we're not allowing people to learn who they are what they're made of and
not just talking grit that's too obvious I'm literally mean like the thing that makes you you yeah and every single one
of us you talk to anybody who's what we you know the world would consider High performing
um assuming that they're healthy you know um they all overcame something
every one of them you know Elon Musk was horribly bullied you know
um there's lots and lots of stories of ADHD and dyslexia and you know tons of those yeah in the entrepreneurial World
especially we've had many on these podcasts you know people who've suffered huge physical yeah injuries or childhood
traumas and this sort of sense of you know post-traumatic growth yeah it's very common in the conversations that we
have and again that's perspective right yeah um everyone will go through stress everyone will go through trauma 100
percent um and Trauma will have side effects
um but it also you know I believe the world is balanced I believe the world is always balanced yes there are costs but there's also benefits and so if you go
through trauma yes there will be costs and there's also benefits you know go back and look at covid and say and you know when people talk about lockdown and
all this is what happened and how awful it was and this is what now ask yourself and what was good
and I bet you can come up with an equal number because it's always balanced yeah the question is are you looking for it
and you know I guess maybe because of you know just natural disposition or just learn who
knows but I my natural disposition is to is to look for the benefits
I acknowledge the costs but I look for the benefits can we please talk about leadership
Steve Jobs
you reeled off a few names about half an hour ago why why were
those names in your mind why are those considered good leaders by you
um all of them um outlived their own lives um
um meaning that we've forgotten a lot of the people who may have accomplished great things along the way but for some
reason we remember them and they weren't the only ones doing it the only ones leading their organizations or their movements they certainly weren't the
first but there was something about them that sort of inspired people to believe in something bigger than themselves I mean when Steve Jobs dies here's a
multi-billionaire who lives a lifestyle that none of us can relate to and we laid flowers
at an Apple shop after he died what
right that's ridiculous but the only reason we did that is because for some reason we connected
with what he stood for he made us he made a certain group of people feel seen and heard in a way that others didn't
and his the fact that he ran a tech company that was what he did but why he did it
was something quite different there's a reason why young people and creative people are attracted to that because he
was he was a rebel he was an iconoclast he stood against the status quo you know he and Steve Wozniak
um and that's what creative people and young people like to do yeah you know it's not an accident
um so yeah all of them outlive their uh you know sort of live lives that that lived
on Beyond them yeah so how how can we by the way by the way just as an aside
every one of us has a deceased grandparent a friend who has passed
who we continue to invoke their names to this day yeah and so you don't have to let a big company or a social movement
to have had an impact on people's lives where they will literally tell your story and carry your name for the rest
of your life you know my grandfather was extremely important to me um and you know his name shows up in
funny places you know I use his name as passwords and you know things like that so why was he so significant for them so
he he was a he was he was completely unique I mean he was a complete weirdo
and he sort of very few people got him but I saw a side of him and he he sort
of opened up to me in a way that he didn't open up to other people and he basically showed me that you have
permission to be your own weirdo self even if other people won't get you how did he do that he just didn't give a
what people thought about him he just cared zero you know I remember I was a little kid and there was a politician on TV
saying something or other and my grandfather just sort of we were watching the news you know and my
grandfather goes I'm not voting for him and I said you don't like his policies and my grandfather says I don't like his
hair I said you can't not vote for somebody because you don't like their hair and he said I cannot vote for somebody for any reason I want and I was like
yeah I guess and he just he just did his own thing and you know he didn't he
wasn't the most some people loved him and some people didn't and he definitely drove my grandmother nuts but he just did it his
way do you care what people think of you I care so I made a deal with myself a long time ago
that um if somebody doesn't like me because basically if you want to achieve
anything in this world you have to get used to the idea that not everybody's going to like you like you just have to get used to that and if you want
everybody like you and that's inconsistent with making an impact of any sorts it just
doesn't work that way um but I made a deal with myself that if people didn't like me because they disagreed with me I was okay with that
and if people didn't like me because they're intimidated by something I said or did or I was okay with that
but if somebody that I respected didn't like me I have a problem and that I have
to take accountability for and I'm doing something wrong and that's sort of the deal I made with myself and so that that
that goes to this day you know like so if I go I have friends who won't read the reviews of their books I won't read that and I always I go read them because
I find it because if they're helpful I want to know so if there's a critical review that explains in a really neat
nicely organized way that where one of the things I wrote falter didn't work I actually like yeah that's a good point
that's a good point they're making I'll I'll take that one you know whereas somebody just calls me an idiot or an
Neanderthal like somebody literally called me in with I'm like when I'm at this guy like what am I supposed to do with that like this is the worst book I've ever read I'm like okay compared to
what like I don't know that's not helpful to me give me something helpful you know um so bad reviews or bad criticism like
again it's if it's helpful I really welcome it but if you're just throwing stones I don't I actually don't know
what to do with it yeah so tell us the best piece of feedback you've had then if we talk about you as a writer yeah
get specific because your work is involved um and and will outlive you yeah you
know like the impact is significant across across the the globe so I'm
interested how did you get there and what was the kind of fit what was the best piece of feedback that's allowed you to be able
to write so succinctly and powerfully
so when I wrote my first book nobody thought I could write including me the longest thing I ever wrote prior was
like 15 20 Pages you know a paper for school that is brilliant for people to hear though because I think people see
someone like you and think I must have been incredible from the age of 11 writing all sorts of amazing things like
that soap of no I think like if I'm really honest with myself probably the longest thing I wrote was 10 pages because if it was 30 it was probably
shite so where did the courage come from then to even begin or to think I'm going to write a book it's not really courage
it's it's it's I had this idea
and a friend of mine said you should really write this down and I was like okay you know and
somebody made an introduction to uh and again when I say somebody it's
not because I was well connected it's because I believed in starting with y and I was really good at it and I believed in the law of diffusion of
Innovations which is I only talked to early adopters and so the right people always made introductions for me I was
dogging about only talking to early adopters so I basically
the my blueprint for actually how my career went and how I built start with Y
is written and start with Y like that is literally what I did and I didn't have advertising or PR firms I didn't game
the algorithms I didn't drive any numbers on I didn't have friends write fake reviews like none of none of that
all the tricks and of the trade I didn't do any of them um I followed that book is my blueprint
I just wrote what I did um and so somebody introduced me
um to one of the great business Publishers and you know um and I had a 29 minute meeting with him and he three
days later they offered me a book deal he just took a risk on me um again starting with why you connect with the right people for some reason
they take risks yeah they don't know why either you know um
um and then they uh told me I should get a writer and so my agent at the time introduced me to a
guy he knew and said this is the perfect writer for you and I went out to Portland to meet him and I brought the
contract and these contracts always say you know whatever the numbers are 25 up front 25 upon delivery whatever they are
you know 50 up front whatever it is and the way that really works and practices you sign the paper and like freaking
three months later they send you a check right yeah and I and I went you know I'm a I'm a nobody I got no following I got
no nothing but I I it said upon signing 50 so I we signed the contract ceremony
at his house in Portland this was about a weekend to work together and I handed them a check for the first for the first
half and the first thing we did was get in his car and drive to the bank to cash it which was a little weird you know and
then he kept trying to challenge my ideas and change my ideas and I was like oh my God this guy wants to write his
own book not help me write my book and he was very difficult and sort of
kept shooting down my ideas and remember when I wrote start with why I'd already been out there talking about
it for two and a half years like I like I knew my stuff and I went back to my hotel room that
night and I'm like this is not gonna work and I called him up and I fired him I said listen hey I think I don't think
you and I are a good connection and he started screaming and yelling at me I will mention that before I called him I
called the bank and stopped the check of course and I told him that I said just so you know I stopped the check you
know and he started screaming yelling me and threatening to sue me and all of this stuff and the good news is
all contracts if you haven't done anything there's no damage done I'm not in breach because he hasn't hasn't done
anything yet you know all contracts have a little cooling off period and uh and
so I said I explained to him I'm like you know your threat a the way you're responding you just made life a lot easier for me uh you've reinforced my
decision if you were a gentleman about it I'd really start questioning if I'd made the right choice here so thank you for that yeah
um and I moved on and of course he didn't sue me um but now the problem was I had a book to write
and so it's kind of amazing what a deadline will do when a company gives you a ton of money it says you owe us
and um I started writing but I started writing the way I speak
and so the book is very conversational it's very easy book to read yeah um I don't use big words because
then I I don't I'm not trying to make myself look or sound smart I'm really just trying to and because I have ADHD I
don't like reading books and I actually don't read a lot of everybody thinks I'm really well read and I like to joke that I've actually written more books than
I've read which is true um and so the great thing about being the writer is if I'm reading my own work
and I'm bored out of my skull I just cross it out and so if you notice
in those books they're pretty short sections and yeah they're pretty Punchy and there's a lot of stories because
I had to enjoy reading it too so I wrote a book that I enjoyed reading for somebody with ADHD
um so there's no simple answer to your question but I didn't try and write to a standard of other people yeah I
tried to write a book that I wanted to read and it turns out it's a really nice simple sweet little book which is what I
like well then as you've gone on number and and done your other successful books you
must have had feedback that then people like people then it was old saying is it that failure is often born and often but
success has got many fathers yeah so lots of people then must want to offer an Insight or a comment or a critique I
don't show my work to anybody except about one person who's that so my friend Jen Hellam uh she's been with me for
years um I I did have somebody help me write and research name name Laurie Flynn for
start with why um and she was in New York Times because I realized I didn't want to write her I
needed a journalist because I needed help with the research and she would write a couple of the sections like as a journalist and I would go write it as I
said but I wrote 80 of start with Y I wrote 90 of leaders at last and I wrote 100 of uh of infinite game
um but Jen um was with me uh for the for leaders at last and infinite game and
she's I've just known it for years she doesn't work for the publisher she actually is not an editor by trade she
just happens to be a brilliant brilliant editor and one of it and my dear friend and she just calls all the time on stuff I'm
writing it says it doesn't make sense she's the only person I trust um so I do I don't do any of my stuff
alone ever um but I work with the people that I want to work with and it's usually one person I don't give my manuscript to 10
people and say what do you think um so tell us about Jen then in terms of because that really intrigued me that
relationship of like you spoke about that small word with big implications of trust yeah
well what one piece of feedback has she offered to Simon where you've gone wow that's a Insight oh that's incredibly
valuable she you know Jen has a a mind like I've it's the most incredible mind
it's really funny because I think it's okay if I say this you know she is diagnosed with OCD not like oh
I'm obsessive like no no she's diagnosed like she has OCD she takes her meds you know I have ADHD I sometimes take my
meds you know and we are total opposite you know like the things that relax her
freak me out and things that relax me freak her out it's kind of really funny um uh and she is fastidious for logic
and I'm really good at the big big ideas and so she will track the logic of an
idea from the beginning to the middle to the end of the book where by the end I've forgotten what it says at the beginning
um and so her ability to keep track of everything and make sure that I haven't abandoned the logic from beginning to
end is yeah I couldn't do that without her uh because I can't remember 250 Pages she can it freaks me out she
sounds very useful because she brings that incredible skill to your writing yeah but how do you choose the people around
you like how do you choose the people that you let in because you will live a life you're very well known there'll be many people who want to be I'll be
friends with Simon I can talk about my why every day I imagine that's very attractive to a lot of people so how do
you choose the people in your circle I mean I don't think I don't think it's
particularly unique and I don't think it's any different than anybody else like how do you choose your friends how do you choose your friends like I like I
make friends like anybody else you like I meet somebody sometimes you introduced to them sometimes you meet them somewhere you get along you have a nice
conversation you sort of like each other you go out once you like each other again or you don't and you never talk to
each other again you know you both let your guards down a little bit you both end up a little bit you realize you've got a lot of shared values I mean my
friends are the same as everybody else's friends you know um there's no I don't think there's I
mean one of the things that I do notice about people you know um who sort of had some sort of Commercial Success especially the ones
who had it young is their guards go up because they live lives I mean I had an
experience where somebody gave me incredibly bad advice that hurt me and it was somebody in the
Inner Circle uh who I work with a work colleague who gave me incredibly bad advice that turned out was advice that was serving
them but not me and it was self-serving advice they gave me and it was very costly for me it was
very hurtful and painful and I called up my I called up a friend of mine who's been in the public eye since like 20
years old he's like 60 now you know um and I said how do I deal with this
like how do you deal with it he's like yeah he says you're a product now like get used to it this is like it never
goes away like you're gonna live a life where you're not a hundred percent sure
and it's like I understand why celebrities marry celebrities you know I kind of get it yeah um
um because when you start to meet people I've gotten burned that's by the way one of the things that where leaders at last
come from came from which is yeah you know everybody knows this when you achieve any kind of Commercial Success
whatsoever all your jokes are funnier and you're much better looking right it's just what happens yeah and if you
believe it you're you're you're dead if you believe your own press and you believe what all the smoke that people
blow you know up your ass then you're it's a short
it's going to be a short existence yeah but if you I mean there's a story that I've told before that is that I live by
The dangers of fame
it's a former under Secretary of Defense who is uh giving a speech at a big conference
um a thousand people or something and while he's standing on the stage giving his prepared remarks he stops and interrupts
himself and smiles and says you know last year I spoke at this exact same conference in
last year I was still the under secretary last year they flew me here business class there was somebody
waiting for me at the airport to take me to the hotel somebody already checked me in when I got to the hotel I came down in the morning there was somebody else
waiting in the lobby to take me in another car to this same venue they took me in the back entrance they took me
into a green room and somebody offered me a cup of coffee and a beautiful ceramic cup he says this morning he says
he I flew here coach this time he says I checked myself into the hotel this morning I came down and I took a
taxi to the same venue I came in the front door I find my way backstage um and when I said to somebody do you
have any coffee they pointed to the coffee machine in the corner and I poured myself a cup of coffee into this here's Styrofoam cup
he says the ceramic cup was never meant for me it was meant for the position I held I deserve a styrofoam cup
and I think every successful person on the planet um is given ceramic cups you know they hold
doors open for you they give you perks they give you free products you know whatever it is then they tell you you're
beautiful and they tell you're funny and they tell you're smart and you feel great and it's no problem enjoy it be
grateful for it it's definitely fun it's definitely surreal but they're not giving it to you
they're giving it to the position that you currently occupy they give in then the next person they'll give it to
them and there's a guy I know who's a big CEO who retired recently and there's
a big fancy party that was being thrown this is a true story it was a big fancy party and he was talking to friends like hey did you get your invitation the guy
goes yeah he goes I didn't get mine it must have gotten lost he didn't realize that they were never inviting
him to the party all these years they're inviting the CEO of this company that happened to be him yep he completely
missed the plot and so like I said enjoy the perks but they're not meant for you and I think
the people that think it that they deserve the ceramic cup they've missed they've missed the plot we all deserve styrofoam cups but is that when that
happens in your life yeah does knowing your why become ever more important because it's something to keep you
grounded and keep you coming back there's a combination of things I think definitely knowing your why as a part of
it definitely surrounding yourself with people who call you who tell you you're an idiot is important you know my sister
is the first person to be like Get over yourself you know yeah I mean you know I I can't get away with anything you know
which is correct you know um she's known me her whole life um I'm older so I've got a couple years
on her um uh but I think the other part is the way I
view career which is and this is the importance of vision and and cause which is you know
when I got started and I said wouldn't this be amazing if work worked like this you know and people like I think you're
completely unrealistic I'm like no no I think I have an idea and an idea is an
iceberg beneath the ocean which is you're the only one who can see it that's literally what an idea or a vision is it's a figment of your
imagination and if you do some work that brings that idea some tangibility some life I gave a talk I wrote a book
whatever it was I did some Consulting whatever it was it just added a little bit of tangibility that's like a little bit of Iceberg popping up so that a few
people will be like oh I see what you're what you're talking about now and so throughout my whole career
somebody be like hey nice job I'd be like tip of the iceberg and then as my
career progressed you know more did more things more Iceberg and people like oh it's amazing what you've achieved
Legacy
they're only looking above the ocean yeah I'm still looking beneath the ocean and I would always go tip of the iceberg
and to this day if you if you no matter what compliments you'll pay me I'll be grateful when I say thank you but what's
going through my mind is tip of the iceberg and so I'm I'm I'm I I'm humbled
by the tremendous amount of work that is still yet to be done and what what reminds me of you know what keeps me
going is sort of like the the original founders of the women's suffrage movement in the United States every
single one of them had died of natural causes before before the first woman voted right now I'm sure they would have loved
to have lived to see a woman vote but I can guarantee you that they died proud and with smiles on their faces knowing
that they built a momentum that other people could see what they imagined beneath the the ocean and would carry the torch
without them and that's sort of what I live for I live for I live for the desire to spread
a message in a way that I can die with confidence that other people carry the torch without me and you know I look at
somebody like Oprah and I as remarkable as she is and she put her face on every
cover of every magazine the magazine is named after her her everything is named
after her and she's on and if she dies it dies yeah I mean a remarkable human
being who's done remarkable good in the world but it's her yeah and I've worked
very hard to make it not about me you know we changed our company from you know to the optimism company
and you know we remind our team that you know they're optimists that's what they
are that we call our team optimists and like I I every year you know I don't
think we're 100 there yet but every year the goal is that that if I were to get hit by a bus
I can I can say with pride that the work will continue because it has to because it must because the vision is bigger
than all of us it's um wouldn't say that's an OP up an optimistic way to finish
but I think that is a brilliant optimistic yes but to know that the momentum will carry without me that's
great I love that it will um we could talk for hours would you come back sometime I'd be honored thank you
Quickfire Questions
it was really interesting thank you before we let you go though we have a few quick far questions we'd like to run by you okay chocolate oh sorry we
haven't started yet it's correct answer off you go uh the three non-negotiable behaviors that you and the people around
you should buy into um uh integrity
uh honor not the same thing
um explained that one sorry honor um
so honor is a word that still exists in the military that seems to have fallen away in polite
Society you know chivalry is gone you know there was a time where your word
was it and you wouldn't violate your word because then if people knew that you violated your word no one would want
to do business with you right like it really honor mattered I love that and I'll give you an example you
know for me what honor has nothing to do with reliability or intelligence or even honesty you can have people who are honest and reliable and not and
dishonorable they're I mean honest and reliable but dishonorable dishonor for me or honor is
doing something that's dishonorable is um taking advantage of somebody else's bad situation for personal gain
that's dishonorable and if you're willing to put aside your own
interests ego ambition because somebody else is struggling
then that's that to me is Honorable and this happens all the time like when a company is struggling
that an employee walks into their bus and say I want my raise now like now that's when you're gonna ask
because somebody told you you have leverage or you have the cards it's dishonorable I want them out
I don't care how much more I'm gonna have to suffer I want them out whereas if they knuckle down and help us
get through the really really hard times and then come and say listen I was there with you through all the
hard times I I'd really think I'm I'd like a little more I'd be like yeah cool let's have that conversation but doing
it when someone is struggling I think is dishonorable so for me honor is a it's really big so Integrity you
know doing the right thing High ethical standards um honor and uh and I think willingness
to take yourself on is the third one um it's very difficult being a human being
you know cats don't have to work very hard to be cats but humans have to work very hard to be humans
and the people who are on my team every new team member when they join our team
I like how this was supposed to be quick fire um every new member of our team gets a phone call from me and says hey you're
part of something bigger than yourself always remember that and B I have one expectation of you whether you stay with stay with this company for a short term
or a long term um I expect you to leave here a better version of yourself than when you started I expect you to take yourself on
we'll give you some of that education and some of it I expect you to seek out by yourself but you got to take yourself on and I think that's a non-negotiable
if you could go back to One Moment in your life what would it be and why
um I I it's a very difficult question because I think now is the best time to be
um I'm grateful for all the experiences I had good and bad throughout my life but I don't really want to go and relive any of them
um so I I don't actually know how to answer the question if you could give one piece of advice to a young Simon
what would you say um you don't have to know every answer and you don't have to pretend you do
I wish I learned that lesson earlier I bet what's the most valuable piece of advice you've ever received
um I mean the most valuable I I don't know
but I can give you one or two very valuables um you know
you know get over yourself you know when I'm complaining about something or and somebody leans everyone just get over
yourself like that's your sister yeah I I think that is and sometimes I'll catch myself doing it to myself like you know
I'm whining about something of like Get over yourself you know I think that's that's way up there
um another one that I got that I live by I was young young in a big company and
the senior client came in and my job was I got to be in the senior meeting with all the senior people from my company
and senior people from the client and my job was to work the PowerPoint like that was my job and like I just had to make it go next but I worked on the account
every day so sometimes they were talking about something because I was in the weeds and they weren't I would offer up
some answers not because I was trying to impress anybody it's just because I actually knew what was going on and they didn't and at the end of the meeting
this woman who's like my work Mom she was one of the senior Partners the company she put her arm around me was walked out the door and she looked at me
and she goes you know three quarters of an answer is better than an answer and a half and that it
stuck with me to this day like when I'm sitting in meetings and I could offer more and I I just don't three quarters
of an ounce is better than an answer and a half I love that for people listening to this who feel content and happy yeah
and okay and stable but they don't know their why yeah what would you say to them
um well you could do the friends exercise which is really fun um and it's really fun way to do it and you know I I've tried to produce
resources to help people in what suits them so the friends exercise is one way you can do it
um I wrote a book called find your why which if you want to go through a workbook we have ways to do it if you go to simoncinek.com there's
so you can have one-on-one somebody help you you can take a course you can do with a group I've tried to do it in as many ways as possible because I want
everybody to learn their why and so I've tried to do it as in all the different ways whatever works but yeah do one of them great yeah and the final question
Simon is what's your one Golden Rule for anyone's seeking to live a high performance life
um uh it's the golden rule is um it has to be for the benefit of
others um um high performance for the benefit of yourself I don't really know what that
means because at some point you know I want to make a million pounds I'll make two million pounds he's like
You're Gonna Keep just moving the goal lines and it'll feel like a a treadmill at some point it's you're gonna you're
gonna crash it's gonna happen um but when you live a high performance life for the benefit of others it's it's
infinite you can do it forever and it's rewarding until the day you die some thank you so much for coming on
high performance thanks so much for having having me this is really really a wonderful conversation thank you it's been a privilege thank you thank you
very much really enjoyed it hey guys it's Jake here listen before
you go please do me just one favor hit subscribe it makes such a difference to us the more subscribers we get then the
bigger the channel becomes the bigger the channel becomes the bigger the names we can attract and the more impact we
can have for you so thanks for watching and please subscribe right now
@Stopover78
3 months ago
You will never find your purpose outside your Creator. You can not create your own purpose because you didn't create yourself. Only God can tell you yiur purpose in life.
5 months ago
To be honest with our selfs the only purpose of our existence is to recognize god and worship him it’s easy at is i don’t know why people make it so complicated
Reply
@dulimof
4 months ago
If you pay attention, carefully, he contradicts himself a lot! Do you work better on your own, or in a team... but then, nobody can achieve anything alone. by himself? Hahaha
Reply
1 reply
@pvsk10
@pvsk10
2 days ago
First word problems, most of us do things like working just so that we can survive and pay the bills, and do not have the luxury of asking why we do these things
Reply
@michaelmannucci8585
@michaelmannucci8585
4 months ago
Aside from God, you have no purpose. In an atheistic universe, there is no more purpose to being "high-performing" or "low-performing". Even the categories of "high" and "low" and "perfomring" pressupose objective-standard categories that you cannot have in a purely materialistic universe.
"The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference." - Richard Dawkins
Reply
@michaelwier8325
@michaelwier8325
2 months ago
He spoke of a boxer who was told that wouldn't make it so they set a goal to achieve it, them unhappy. Anyone have that link
Reply
@4impact
@4impact
5 months ago
Now I just need a friend who I can ask why we are friends. ;)
@yunsonkim7001
5 months ago
How do you find your why if you don’t have any close friends?
1
Reply
@elenif.vlachou9126
@elenif.vlachou9126
5 months ago
Knowing that all men and women of vision had an absolutely intimate relationship with God, and acknowledged The Lord as above man (mans worth, pride and independence) does Simon have and rely on his spiritual relationship with God?
Reply
@harmonylifewithjess1593
@harmonylifewithjess1593
5 months ago
Nice to hear a real northern interview
1
Reply
@deborahhobbs7664
@deborahhobbs7664
1 month ago
It works only if you actually have a friend you can call and ask.
@TheNocturnalDragon
5 months ago
If only there was a solution for hating work. Everything i have ever done like clock work within a year or two i come to hate whatever it is that i am doing. It might be i just don't like the routine (same thing day after day), other people telling me what to do, just feeling like a dead end, or all of the above. At this point i'm simply burnt out and tired of trying.
@PatriciaAmable
5 months ago
You are a team player and lack confidence within you. Yes, you learn who you are. You are not a risk taker.
@Wallaby1963
2 months ago
A boss should be also just and honorable with his employees. Employees shouldn’t have to ask for a rise because their boss value their work and gives them a rise when he is making lists of money thanks to everybodies work.
Being thankful is another very important feature one should have in mind.
@lindastarr1551
1 month ago
So your company is called The Optimism Company. Just wondering if you knew there was an international organization: The association of clubs known today as Optimist International was formed on June 19, 1919, when representatives of 11 clubs held a convention in Louisville, Kentucky, and adopted the name International Optimist Club. (My dad was president of the one in Vista, California--founded in 1948--and was presented a plaque on the Lawrence Welk Show honoring the club's work with polio victims which was a huge tragedy during the 1950s.
@rustycovey8793
5 months ago
How to be a high performer. 1. Leave the past in the past. When there is something from the past that will benefit you in the present. It will come through the state of Mushin.
2. Get into everything you do. Being a high performer isn't something that you just turn on as needed. Its to be there 24/365.
3. Take in only information that will benefit you in some way. Meaning, turn off the TV, turn the music, read material that feeds your brain with new data.
3. Be a seeker of new experiences. Get out of the house and go do something you know nothing about.
4. Be curious. Let your curiosity move you to do things. The mind is silent, curiosity and your imagination will show you the way.
@_NAED_
5 months ago
"INTEGRITY - HONOR - WILLINGNESS TO TAKE YOURSELF ON" - Simon SINEK
@SqueakyWeasel247
5 months ago (edited)
Great example of why body language is not an exact science … he spends a lot of this conversation reigning himself in by crossing his arms, BUT those moments are when he delivers the most poignant information. THANK YOU!
This is essential... We all have down times in life.
Identifying that you are not at your best and then converting that energy it takes to be down ( that is recovering the energy drain and redirecting that energy) is a learned skill. No better time to practice that skill, then when you're down.
@Leah_LM
5 months ago
Yes community is important, but your alignment with yourself must take priority for the moments when the 'others' are not available. Flow states come from tuning into your own self. Initially, that can and will cause separation in order to reset who you are. When we 'need', we are in lack. Work on that. Once fulfilment of self is achieved, we can then live our best potential and give or be the best for others
@learnwithbinh
4 months ago
The story with the Styrofoam cup is really good. It reminds us to stay grounded and be humble. We're not more important than a tree, an animal, or a weed.
5 months ago
A hard lesson learned for me too late. My Clifton Strengths top 5 are Strategic, Activator, Ideation, Communication, and Command. I wish someone had told me long ago that 3/4th an answer is better than an answer and a half. Because I walk in a combination of all 5 of my top strengths, this has caused others to think I want credit for the many ideas that flow from my brain and out my mouth, when in essence, I am only sharing because nine times out of ten, whoever I am sharing with would never have the ideas nor draw the conclusions I do. The problem is, I go to the ones who I think can "activate" these ideas or change, and they rarely move on it, probably because of Simon's executive's quote. No matter how uncomfortable, I must be quiet and talk inside my head instead. So glad I listened until the end.
@lopezjraul
5 months ago
When he said ask a best friend in order to find out your why, I felt very sad. So many young men are friendless nowadays. No connection and then no mirror to project one’s self off of. Social connection and support is the number one way to feel happy as a human. More and more men are experiencing financial problems and downward mobility. Drug use is up and overdoses are becoming more frequent as well as suicide. Not to mention a meaning crisis due to shifts from more religious beliefs to materialism and nihilistic attitudes. More work like Simon’s is needed for sure but also something systemic must change to help out some of the most forgotten and down trodden of society.