從父母角度看孩子的婚姻

從父母角度看孩子的婚姻

 

雖然現在有各種流派，說婚姻是選擇項，人可以一個人（或者加一隻貓）也過得很好，我還是覺得一個人有一個家庭自己可以為之投入，有自己的孩子可以看著長大，超過自己，是美妙的不應該錯過的人生經曆。

 

人不管自己在外表多麽好強獨立，都有孤單虛弱需要親情需要陪伴的時候。有親情有陪伴的關係，從中獲得隻是一半，還有付出的一半。人從這樣的關係獲得的是兩麵的。

 

我給你們講一個孤獨的時刻。那時候書還沒念完，有一天工作結束很晚了走出來，天是那樣的黑，夜是那樣的靜，在寒夜澄清的高空之上，有一架客機飛過，兩個翅膀上一紅一綠的燈，和一排舷窗裏透出的暖色的燈光，都看得清清楚楚。我能想象到飛機上坐得滿滿的人正在溫暖的機艙裏，他們不會想到黑暗中地麵上我一個人孤零零地站在空地上看著他們。他們過一會就到家了吧。

 

那個瞬間感到的孤獨，比寒風更滲透骨髓。在這個時候，自然地希望有一個家，一個在寒夜裏惦記著有自己親人在那裏候著你往回奔的家。

 

現在的社會環境，過於強調自我，忽視了讓步和調和，結果是人對男女關係的渴望被這個關係帶來的煩惱畏懼所遏製。我對此沒有解決辦法，因為是社會性的。所能希望的隻是我的孩子們能有好運氣碰上不是太自我的，懂得付出的人。

[蘋果山莊]

同意，可社會變化大，咱隻能抱著良好願望

[mikecwu]

婚姻是生兒育女的必須，父母年紀大後都會感到生命盡頭的接近，而孫輩則是新生命的開始，是老去父母生命的延續。這就是父母希望成年子女瓜熟蒂落，結婚成家的根本動力。

正常父母都希望單身子女結婚，也都希望結了婚的子女盡早給他們帶來孫輩。這是幾百萬年自然選擇的結果。那些對子女的後代無所謂的基因都因為沒有後代而早被淘汰了，沒有承傳下來。

[清漪園]

父母的心聲啊！

[alpha123]

讚同! 其實把這些話可以寫給孩子們。

[曉青]

不自我的人太少了，社會提倡自我呢。

[亮亮媽媽]

與你的感覺有共鳴。我上學外出搞調研時有一段時間是自己一個人吃飯。怎麽都覺得吃不香。當時就覺得這吃飯一定要人多，起碼兩個人，邊吃邊說話。所以得有個家。熱熱鬧鬧的特別好。

[borisg]

回複 'elfie' 的評論 :

thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I have similar considerations and try to find some solutions. I will probably elaborate more on this when I get more mature ideas.

[elfie]

I think having a few good friends is more important than being married and having children. Yes, I do love my children. But one day or another they'll leave me and have their own family and friends, or even children.
I decided I need to build a social network for myself before I get too old to get out of my house. This has never occurred to me before in my 30 s and 40 s. I was busy building my relationship and raising children. Now I realized it shouldn't be that way, I need to extend my friend circle for old ages.
Where to find like minded people? Not in churches but in the synagogue where I found whom I'd like to be with. It's a community nearby and it's a very small community where people come and go. Luckily I found a nice young woman there, who wants to befriend me. What a success! On top of my conversion, I scored friendship and kindred spirit! I love Jews. It's a small minority just like what I am, in the sea of blacks and conservative Christians in the Southeast. I've tried different groups of people, this is the right match for me. Blacks? Whites? Christians? No. Often I find them either unfriendly and guarded or biased against others, especially the local blacks. By working in a school of majority black staff for a few months, I learned it'd never work out for me. Actually the experience was terrible. No offense to anyone, those people's manners are not for me. Their culture is not for me.

[石假裝]

“於強調自我，忽視了讓步和調和”是世界通病了，特別是獨生子女那代開始。包容協調讓步多是從小在養成的。
我們最重要的是不介入。

[竹風_如火]

讚同，朋友，同事間相處如此，婚姻怎不更是如此呢！！