黃西的笑話總結

 

我太喜歡黃西了， 他的長相讓我想起大學的農村同學， 但他站在台上用英文講笑話的時候， 我就有點找不到背景板了， 他是誰？

難聽的中式英文， 厚眼鏡， 大門牙， 乏力的肩背和小身板， 美國人見了這樣的中國人， 一般是有成見的， 我可以理解， 不符合西方人對男性的基本要求， 東亞男人本來在西方就不受待見。 

但是他能讓衣冠楚楚的美國人集體發笑， 而且這笑是在過幾秒以後才哄堂， 當人們思維跟上來之後， 才知道這笑話有多麽幽默和聰明。 

我個人喜歡聰明的笑話， 所謂聰明的笑話， 是戳中我們大多數忽視的毛病和弱點（社會的， 個人的）， 但是又不過火， 絕對不能粗俗 （美國的stand up comedian 最不好的一點就是用髒字）

黃西在美國的主流娛樂界取得的成績是驚人的， 幾乎是前無古人後無來者。尤其是生化博士，大陸背景， 簡直是個奇跡。 他多次受邀參加late show, Ellen show, 以及白宮新聞記者招待會等等。 都是主流媒體的大場麵。  

不知道又多少人看過聽過黃西的笑話， 我把幾個我喜歡的總結一下。 

 

婚姻

when I was getting married, I was very scared. I heard that half of marriage ended up lasting forever.

移民

When I first came to this county, I drove a used car with the bumper stickers that were impossible to peel off. One of them said, if you don't speak English, go home. I did not know it for two years. 

I don't have much time on the stage, my green card is going to expire.

immigrant documents call us Aliens, so we are here not to take your jobs, but to abduct you. 

for white guys, I got something for you too. We all have Asian wives.

to become american citizen, I had to learn American history. who is benjamin franklin? (美鈔上的人物）is that the reason our convient store got robbed? what is the second amendment? （擁槍法案）Is that the reason our convient store got robbed? 

we are not yellow and we are not white, we are different shades of brown, we are all mexican.

政治

my mother's maiden name is Hu, if I am going to run for president, my slogan will be "Hu (who) cares“.

our president is half white and half black(obama), I am not half white and not half black, two negative became a positive.

to solve the problem of unemployment , I will have two people to do one job, like president and vice president.

If I become the president of united states, I will use text message. I will text our ally to say Hi, and text our enemy when they are driving. "OMG, you are building a nuclear weapon?" "you are doing it wrong, LOL"

宗教

when I first came to this county, I was visited by two people in suit and tie. they asked me, are you follow Jesus Christ, I said no. They said, if you dont follow Jesus Christ, when you die, you are going to hell. I said, Chinese people are not follow Jesus Christ, they are all going to hell. they said no, because they did not know about Jesus Christ. Then I said why you tell me.

I am going to heaven anyway,  even illegal. Illegal immigrant from hell.

其他

Life is like you pee in the snow in the darkest night, you probably made a difference but it is hard to tell.

黃西在白宮新聞招待會的表演後， 受到全體起立的掌聲， 他說， 我第一次希望我的兒子知道我今天在這裏做什麽？ 他十分驕傲， 也的確應該。

黃西回國後， 也受到了很高的待遇， 比如在中央台主持節目， 搭檔的人竟然是樂嘉撒貝寧崔永元等等一線主持人。但是他好像有點施展不開， 一個本土的中國人， 竟然在中國有水土不服的跡象。 好像觀眾和他有文化距離， 笑話和表現力都不夠了。