溪邊椰樓: 寫給八歲兒子的成長家書 - 要'整個',不要'一個'

兒子，
　　媽媽很高興你對高爾夫球有這麽大的興趣和熱情！暑假爸爸媽媽為你報名參加高球夏令營的時候，隻是想讓你運動一下，見識一下，順便媽媽可以偷空工作一下(嘿嘿!)。
　　雖然我不打高爾夫，可以前幾次跟在你身後在度假村的迷你球場熱身，我深信高爾夫球會令你這個年紀的孩子受益匪淺。自從你完成了這兩個星期的正式培訓，我不但更加深了這種想法，而且更明白為什麽許多成功的商人和政界人士不惜把寶貴的時間花在高球場上。
　　正因如此，每次你讓我帶你去 driving range 練球的時候我都很開心，想必你也一樣。你打球，我坐在後麵讀書，靜觀或者發短信(工作需要)。
　　練球的時候，你會衝著我說：“媽媽，看我，我給你打一個漂亮的好球。看著看著，別看其它地方。” 然後我就看著。一杆擊出，你有時打得好，有時打得不很好。還有時候，當你揮杆打出100多yards的時候，你會很興奮地跑過來說，”媽媽媽媽，你剛才看到我打出去的那個好球了嗎？” 這樣的情形，每次練球的時候都發生，我時常對你的回答是，“媽媽不要看一個好球，媽媽要看你打出整個的好球!”　你也許覺得我的反響不夠熱烈吧！所以，兒子，媽媽想跟你講一講“一個”和“整個”的道理。

　　在我們的生活中，無論大人還是孩子，幾乎我們會做的一切事情都是學來的，不是天生的，就連怎樣吃飯都是學來的，還記得你第一次用筷子夾麵條的情形嗎？學習的過程其實就是數量積累的過程，練得越多,技巧就越得到提高。我相信如果一個人想把一件事做好，提高的空間是無止境的，唯一的止境是我們給自己設立的高度。

　　打高爾夫球是一個典型的例子。最初學習的時候，你的目標是打出一個球，並且姿勢正確。當你掌握和習慣了正確的姿勢，你的目標就是每一個打出去的，都是好球。你的終極目標，就是通過每一個好球，創造整個賽事的出色表現。我們中國人常說的:“瞄乎其上，得乎其中；瞄乎其中，得乎其下。”　就是這個道理。這跟英文裏說的,"Aim at the moon and you reach the star; aim at the star and you reach nothing." 是一樣的。

　　所以，兒子，現在你應該明白，為什麽你每次期望我為一個好球驚歎的時候，媽媽總是不置可否，因為我想要看到你的，不是打一個好球，而是未來打出整個一場絕佳的比賽。

　　高爾夫球，就像其它所有的運動項目，生活技能和學習習慣一樣，隻有日積月累的練習和持續，不滿足於一次的出色或成功，才能收獲整體的成功。

　　兒子，媽媽永遠會是你最忠實的觀眾，如果我不為你的一個好球喝彩，請記得：那時因為媽媽堅信你有能力打出人生路上一場又一場的出色比賽。

愛你的，你高球場上和生命中最忠實的觀眾，

 

媽媽
2013年8月31日

 

 

August 31, 2013

 

 

 

Dear Ethan,

 

 

 

I am very happy to see you have so much interest in golf!  When we signed you up for the 2-week golf summer camp, all we hoped for was to open a door for you to explore another type of sports, and at the meantime, (selfishly) to give me several hours each day catching up work (haha!).

I don't play golf myself, but by following and observing you playing at various mini golf courses while on vacations, I truly believe golf could benefit kids your age greatly.  I believe more so after you have received some official training during these two weeks.  I now even understand more about why so many successful business people and politicians would spend several hours of their precious time playing golf.

 

 

 

That's why I am always happy to accompany you to the driving range.  I can tell you love it too!  When you are at practice, I normally sit behind you in the bench area reading a book, watching you or sending texts to clients.  Often you say to me, 'Mom, watch, I'll hit a good one.  Just watch me and don't look at anywhere else, okay?'.  So I watch.  Sometimes it is good, sometime it is not.  Then sometime you'd run over to me with excitements when you've had a really good hit over 100 yards, 'Did you see that? Did you did you, a really good one, Mom!'  Situations like this happen often at the driving range, I often respond to you by saying 'Don't show me A good hit, I'd like to see ALL good hits!'  Maybe you feel that my reactions are not enthusiastic enough, so I want to share with you about the difference between "A good hit" and 'ALL good hits'.

 

 

You see in life, almost all the things we are able to do, we do them through learning and practicing, nobody is born with these skills.  Do you still remember the first time you were able to eat noodles with chopsticks?  I see the process of learning as the process of repeated practicing, the more you practice, the better your skill improves.  And I believe anyone can do better in everything that we try to learn, there is no limit in how much better we can do, there is only limit in our mind that how much better we want ourselves to be!

 

 

Playing golf is just such a good example.   At the beginning stage, you want to focus on hitting the ball with the right body formations; then you move on to focus on hitting every ball nice and right.  Your ultimate goal is to perform ALL the good hits and deliver excellent performances at the games.  This is what we say, 'Aim at the moon and you reach the star; aim at the star and you reach nothing.'.  Chinese people have a very similar saying, 'Aim at the best and you reach par, aim at par you reach below average.'.

 

 

 

So Ethan, now you know why I wasn't as thrilled as you wanted when you have a good hit.  Because I expect to see you not having A good hit, but ALL good hits.  Golf, and all other sports, daily life skills and study habits, you reach excellence by not having 'A' good hit or one success, but 'ALL' good hits and consistency.

 

 

 

Ethan, I am and will always be your most loyal audience.  If you see I don't cheer for a good hit of yours, please remember, that's because I believe you will have all the more good hits!

 

 

 

Yours, forever loving and loyal audience in golf, and in life,

 

 

 

 

 

Mom

 

 

溪邊椰樓2013年8月31日寫於洛杉磯。