尋求靈魂伴侶的36問

亞瑟·阿倫36問（Arthur Arons 36 Questions）出自社會心理學家 Arthur Aron 於1997年發表的一項著名實驗《The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness》，目的是通過有意設計的問題，讓陌生人之間在短時間內建立情感連接。

阿倫團隊發現，相互脆弱性（mutual vulnerability）能迅速拉近關係。當兩個人輪流回答36個逐漸深入的問題時，大腦會釋放催產素和多巴胺，從而產生“親密感”與信任感。

問題分為三組，每組逐漸加深情感交流。

第一組：輕鬆、自我揭露

1. 如果可以和任何人共進晚餐，你會選擇誰？
   　If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be?

2. 你想出名嗎？為什麽？
   　Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. 在打電話前，你會先排練要說的話嗎？為什麽？
   　Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?

4. 對你而言，“完美的一天”是什麽樣的？
   　What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. 上次唱歌給別人聽是什麽時候？給自己唱呢？
   　When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. 如果你能活到90歲，並在生命的最後25年保持30歲的心智或身體，你選哪個？
   　If you could live to 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years, which would you choose?

7. 你是否暗自預感自己會怎樣死去？
   　Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. 說出三件你和對方可能共有的事。
   　Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. 人生中最感激的是什麽？
   　For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. 如果可以重來，你想改變成長經曆的哪一部分？
    　If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. 用四分鍾盡可能詳細地講述你的人生故事。
    　Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. 如果明天醒來能獲得任何一種品質或能力，你希望是什麽？
    　If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

第二組：信任與脆弱

1. 如果有一顆水晶球能告訴你未來的真相，你想知道什麽？
   　If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, or the future, what would you want to know?

2. 有什麽事情是你一直夢想去做卻沒做的？為什麽？
   　Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

3. 你人生中最大的成就是什麽？
   　What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

4. 友誼中你最珍視的是什麽？
   　What do you value most in a friendship?

5. 你最珍貴的記憶是什麽？
   　What is your most treasured memory?

6. 你最痛苦的記憶是什麽？
   　What is your most terrible memory?

7. 如果知道一年後會突然死去，你會改變現在的生活方式嗎？為什麽？
   　If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

8. 友誼對你意味著什麽？
   　What does friendship mean to you?

9. 愛與感情在你生活中扮演什麽角色？
   　What roles do love and affection play in your life?

10. 輪流說出對方的一個積極特質，共說五項。
    　Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner.

11. 你的家庭關係親密嗎？你覺得你的童年比大多數人快樂嗎？
    　How close and warm is your family? Did you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

12. 你如何看待母親？
    　How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

第三組：深層聯結與共鳴

1. 各自說出一句以“我們”為主語的真相，例如：“我們都在這個房間裏感到……”
   　Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”

2. 完成這個句子：“我希望有一個人，我可以與他分享……”
   　Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

3. 如果你將與對方成為親密朋友，請分享讓對方更了解你的重要內容。
   　If you were going to become close friends with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

4. 告訴對方你喜歡他們什麽——此時要非常誠實，說出你通常不會對剛認識的人說的話。
   　Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest.

5. 分享你人生中一次令人尷尬的時刻。
   　Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

6. 上次在別人麵前哭是什麽時候？獨自哭呢？
   　When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

7. 告訴對方你現在已經喜歡他們的哪一點。
   　Tell your partner something you already like about them.

8. 有什麽（如果有的話）太嚴肅而不能開玩笑？
   　What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

9. 如果今晚就要死去而沒有機會與任何人溝通，你最遺憾沒告訴誰什麽？為什麽還沒說？
   　If you were to die this evening with no chance to communicate, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

10. 你的房子起火了，救出家人和寵物後，你還能救一件東西，那會是什麽？
    　Your house catches fire. After saving loved ones and pets, you have time to make one last dash to save any one item. What would it be?

11. 你家人中誰的死亡會讓你最痛苦？為什麽？
    　Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

12. 分享一個個人問題，請對方提出看法，然後請他們告訴你，在他們看來你對這個問題的感受是什麽。
    　Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it; also, ask them to reflect back how you seem to be feeling about it.