女兵劉舊日記---4/29/04

親愛的朋友，可能你認識我，是因為我曾服役美國陸軍，但那畢竟隻是我人生的一個小站。我自從1990年聖誕節，告別我天津的爸爸媽媽，姐姐，妹妹，踏上飛抵密蘇裏州，哥侖比亞的飛機直到今天，2009年的剛剛開始，有時不禁回想起這18年的海外寄居的種種境況，與特大事件與決定的發生與拚搏，實在感觸良多。

 

我的朋友曾笑說我是“重色輕友”，我當時隻是笑笑了之，其實，我怎敢看輕我的如同姐妹的好朋友呢。這些年，尤其時是我離婚那陣子的苦日子，都是他（她）們攙拉著我走過來的。我真是感激涕零。

 

下麵是我5年前，準備第2次結婚前的心裏路程，與你分享。

 

This is something I digged from my old diary. Regarding my relationship with Kwang. As you can tell, some tears and heartbreaks. And I don't know whether other people's lives are any easier.....
 
Here is some thoughts on 4/29/04...

Yesterday, our bible study group announced that they
would like to seperate to two groups. I think that is
the way how people react to the outbreak of Kwang of
last Wednesdy night when he burst into a big mass.
Raised his voice, and hurting me in front of
everybody, and later on commented on many people
there.
It was just a disgrace. I felt terrible. He is a big
bully. I know many people think he was stupid. Why do
I have to listen to him? I cried and the paster and
many other people came over to comfort me, I felt
terrible. Probably to many people's surprise, we even
got married on Friday. And showed up last night again.

Well, it is part of my fault, because I decided to
stick with him. That day when we went to the court
house, Jim told me that a wise thing people should do
is to decide whether to continue a relationship or end
it. I didn't have the guts. For Shaoyuan's part, I
have already done a lot of things to hurt him, I admit
my sins, and I will leave it to our heavenly father to
forgive me and save me and have God live in me give me
new Christian life, be a good mother first. Dear God,
please give me strength and wisdom and give us love,
and let love fill our hearts, let us not feel the
pain, have mercy on us. Let the bills be taken care
of.
I have mixed feelings. He never set me as his
priority, and why should I? Jane told me that he is
the man, he should take care of his family, but he
never did. Please God, I pray for you to grant me an
open heart and a loving heart to love his two
daughters. Let people respect me and let us have a
peaceful life.

I am doing what I can here to support the family,
house rent and the car payment. What a mess now?
Hongying is right about him?

This is a good way to vent. When two people decide to
get married, they should be responsible to their
words.

I felt better now.