琴聲

琴聲　　　　 母親疼愛我，說我生於二月二，龍抬頭，老想把我培養成個才子佳人。我也挺聽話，母親叫學什麽，我就學什麽，從不反感抵觸。在母親的眼裏我是好孩子乖孩子，一直不相信我在外麵調皮滋事。小學三年級的時候，空軍保衛部門的一個幹部找到母親，說我把家裏的照相機拿到王府井委托行給賣掉了，母親連說不可能，結果翻了半天也沒找到，我說確實給偷偷賣掉了。母親沒說什麽，還是盼著望子成龍，不久就帶著我學京胡去了。　　　　 記得是通過空軍大院一位的母親認識了一位住在四號樓姓宋的叔叔。這位宋叔叔長得黑胖黑胖的，拉著一手好京胡，他從小就在戲班子裏混，參軍以後隻能業餘拉了。他待我挺好，手把手地讓我先端正坐姿，然後琴弓一拉一送，京胡就吱溜溜地發聲了。當時要麽我歲數太小，要麽老藝人沒收過徒弟，我一去就讓我拉，也沒給我講過京胡入門，我半年下來沒見過琴譜是什麽樣，就連拉的是什麽自己都說不清，也許過去老藝人傳藝就是這個樣子。我認識宋叔叔的時候，他的心髒病已很嚴重，自己已經不能拉胡了，他把心愛的京胡放在白布袋裏送給了我，讓我回家後自己練。又過了一段時間，我去看他的時候，他正處於心髒病搶救狀態，我放下京胡就走了，從此再沒有摸過京胡。不管怎樣，那吱吱溜溜的琴聲在我幼小的心靈裏播下了一顆小小的音樂種子。　　　　 一九六八年的空軍地勤突然千樹萬樹梨花開，從一九六八年至一九七零年，成百上千個時代精英湧進了空軍地勤。為什麽我這麽斷言呢？我認為主要原因有二，一是大學不招生，入伍當兵成了那個時代的最佳選擇；二是空軍地勤一直就需要高文化素質的年青人，文革時再“突出政治”，飛機也得安全上去，安全下來啊，空軍在各地招地勤兵的時候特別強調文化水平。一九七零年以後，大學開始招收工農兵學員，一部分精英被分流到了大學。　　　　 一九七零年我到安徽蚌埠空軍四十五師的時候，正是這些精英們八仙過海各顯神通的時候。師有師級演出隊，正在排演京劇《奇襲白虎團》，有自己的樂隊伴奏。參加師級演出隊的幹部戰士全部常年脫產，每天專業排練演出。各團有自己的業餘演出隊，半脫產，多在重大節日前一個月集中排練，然後進行會演評比。由於時代的久遠和當時的條件，我現在無法跟蹤到這些精英們現在的情況，我想他們中很多人會長期活躍在各地的舞台和文藝單位。場站有一位六九年的北京兵叫李義，他當年白白的臉，相聲說的特別好，已顯露出相當的專業才幹。上世紀九十年代在北京我偶爾在北京電視台上看到他表演相聲，隻不過名氣沒有馬季那麽大而已。我當兵沒多久就參加了團一級的業餘演出隊，我們排練的是集體舞，我在前麵打紅旗。參加排練自由多了，經常自己跑到蚌埠市去玩，記得有一年耿穎川來蚌埠辦展覽，他認出了我，我們一塊去二馬路吃的冰激淩，回來後我拉了一個星期肚子。　　　　 這個師長期積累和留用了一批音樂指揮人才。每個基層建製單位每天都要唱歌，要唱歌就得有人會指揮。師團開軍人大會前，都要互相拉歌賽歌，音樂指揮是一個單位的門麵。我們地勤大隊的指揮是個叫宦宏坤的老兵，無錫人。他比我大十歲，對我很好，經常給我講一些音樂基礎知識，阿炳的《二泉印月》就是他告訴我的。他多用手風琴定音，沒見他用過定音器。不過他的指揮水平還排不上到全師大會上指揮，師級指揮是個武漢人，兩口子都是從軍區文工團下來的專業演員。　　　　 跟這些精英們在一起永遠有學不完的東西，盡管我當時隻是個十幾歲的孩子，他們告訴我通過音樂能夠辨別我們國家的政治風向。有一位上海兵，姓陶，喜歡作曲，部隊很多的節目都是他譜的曲。一九七零年廬山會議以後，特別是九一三事件前後，他靠他的音樂敏感慢慢地感覺出政治有變。他對我說，原來我們每天必唱的歌是《東方紅》和大海航行靠舵手》，現在換成了《國際歌》和《三大紀律八項注意》，中央肯定有大變動。那年十一會演他把《三大紀律八項注意》主題調揉進了他自己的作曲，為此他立了三等功。半個月後全國上下開始傳達林彪機毀人亡的消息，從此我又學了個音樂心眼。　　　　 文革中的部隊雖然外國小說不讓看，西洋樂器還是讓人學的。有個機械師，好像也是上海人，個子不高，練小提琴入了迷，一心想當個提琴大師。他一有空就拉琴，領導經常批評他不誤正業，他還帶有一種上海人獨有的傲氣，一般人不會放在眼裏的，對我也是一樣。有一次，我想跟他學認五線譜，他說，小潘，你學不會，我一氣之下回去自己認了起來。後來我想跟他學琴，他說，我十九歲了，再練也出不了名。我沒聽他的，找了把琴沒日沒夜地拉起了《法拉拉》練習曲。　　　　 琴是張渝林幫找的。張渝林，武漢兵，二胡拉得很好，達到了獨奏水平，他能指導我聽音定音。每天晚飯後，我到空曠的機場上開始拉空弦，那把提琴音質相當好，加上用的是二胡弓子，放出的弦音宏厚極了。過了幾天，有人傳話到了我耳朵裏，說這樣練琴中隊領導有看法，那個時代，什麽都不學才是最好的。我沒有辦法隻有改拉歌了，準備在中隊晚會上演出。在張渝林的幫助下，練了一首《北風吹》，還真拉出來了，這是有生以來拉出的第一首歌，也是最後一首。我看出了中隊長史慶玉對我和張渝林越來越不滿，第二年他就把張渝林給整複員了，以後的兩年我在他的手下也沒有好果子吃，我在部隊幾年的辛苦差點付之東流。　　　　 從此我見琴就怕，再也不願意聽到琴聲，我真後悔學了幾個月的提琴，拉亂了我跟領導的正常關係。到後來我上了大學，學校裏同學們每年都要排練出豐富多彩的文藝節目，我一次也沒有去看過，有的同學告訴我節目中有馬筠初的小提琴獨奏，馬筠初進安大前是合肥樂團的專業演員，我也沒去欣賞過，因為我怕琴聲把我帶回到蚌埠，帶回到那個可氣又可笑又無知的年代。　　　　　　 04/05/07 A Story of Mountain and River Once upon a time, there was famous musician in ancient China named Ya. Ya was very clever since he was little. He was also very lucky that he got a good teacher called Cheng. Ya followed him for three years, and became a good musician. But he still worried his art level, he want to go higher and higher. Teacher Cheng told Ya that he had already given everything to him. If Ya wanted to learn more , Teacher Cheng would introduce another teacher who might be good to Ya. Ya said it’s OK. They prepared enough food and went to East Sea by boat. When the boat reached an island called PengLai Mountain, Teacher Cheng said: “Ya, you wait here , and I will go to pick up the master.” Then teacher Cheng went away..Ya waited and waited and waited for Teacher Cheng’s showing up. For many days Ya stayed at the island by himself. He looked at the sea which sea water ups and downs like mountains, and he looked at the fores which is very quiet and birds singing. At this moment Ya felt a special music tone coming out from his heart. Soon he understood that this situation given by Teacher Cheng which helped him to get better understanding of music in the nature world..Ya stayed alone, the sea was his friends and the birds were his company.. His feelings changed naturally and greatly. He almost got to the heart of the art. He understood that only at this point one could write the master music tone. Ya became a famous musician not long after that, but only few could understand his music.　　Ya was appointed as music officer by the King of China in charge of collecting music tones everywhere specially in the middle of China, where one day he and his follower went by boat. During the trip they met a big storm, and they saw the water up and down and big black cloud over their head. Because the bad weather they had to find a place near the river waiting the good weather coming out. The storm did not stop until night. Ya came out from the boat cabinet. He looked at the moon staying in the beautiful clear sky, and its shadow in the water, and the birds birding in the quiet night. What he saw gave him a good feeling to play a song. He grabbed his instrument out of the cabinet and played in front of the sky and the sea.. Unfortunately one string broke even before he finished the first part. At this point his follower and boatman waked up suddenly because they found a stranger standing on the boat listening.The boatman cried out: “ Who is standing here? Why you got the boat without permission?”The woodman answered: “I was little late by cutting woods, and also because of the heavy storm. I would rather go home when I heard the playing, so I got the boat and listened.”The follower answered with a cold smile: “A woodman could understand music?”The woodman statically: “If no listeners in these wild forest mountains, why someone played here?” “If you understand music, could you tell me what music I was playing?” Ya found this woodman very strange, didn’t look like normal people. “What you played just now is your real feeling coming from your experience before. You must have a sad feeling before. Your sad feeling did not like the beautiful moonlight and the quiet sea,, so one of your strings broken suddenly.” The woodman answered.Ya thought the woodman was right: “Come and have a drink.” Ya chatted with the woodman: “It looked that you know something about music, but I don’t think you understand the theory of music.”The woodman thought that Ya looked down upon him: “Please ask whatever you want to know about music.”Ya asked and the woodman answered. Ya asked and the woodman answered one by one. Then the woodman said: “ Now you can start playing , and I can tell you what the play looks like.” This time Ya played with real deep feelings. The woodman said : “ this looks like mountains ,this looks like river , this looks like a storm, this looks like a young lady.” At the end Ya found that the woodman understood his music best. The woodman also found the player was a real master at the moment, so he gave Ya a lot of wood pieces on which many music tones were written .The second morning they had to say goodbye to each other with tears and they promised each other the same day next year they would meet here exactly the same place.Ya never broke his word and he came back the next year. Instead finding the woodman, what come to his eye was the woodman’s tomb. At this moment Ya heart looked like broken, and said that you are the only one who understand my music in my whole life, the God is not right , the God is not right .Ya played for the last time in front of the woodman’s tomb. As soon as he finished, he smashed his instrument and never played again.Ya died one year later, and the music “mountain and river” past generations by generations. 07/02/2008