It is a difficult day to go through

Nothing special happened, it is just one of those days that I simply feel unbalanced and disturbed but yet can't pin point the causes. I even physically feel a knot in the stomach which makes me want to curl up and stare into blank. It is Monday, I need to work, I need to take care kids routine and cook (I bought dinner instead). I feel tears welled up but I let nothing appear in the eyes. I want a corner to hide from people and kids, so I can sob. I am also afraid to let emotion go, because I need to be in control of my life. My life doesn't belong to me only, I am responsible for bunch of others.

My girl is crying for me, in some way. She has homework that she didn't do last week, and claims she doesn't know how. I gave her teacher's phone number that should she has questions, she can always ask. She is afraid to call the teachner but I won't do any direct help. I let her cry and decide what to do next.

Don't we all learn responsibility from small tasks? Thinking back, what a happhy life it was when I was in 2nd grade? But I didn't feel too happy back then, because I wasn't ready to shoulder any burden. Now I am a grown up, I am strong, I am capabal, but the burden became so heavy, so large, so not just myself. I know for my girl that homework is not a big deal, even if she does a bad job, it won't hurt her future, because as adults, we all have been through many obstacals and difficult moments. We learned as we growing up, it doesn'a matter how happy/sad the moment is, it will be over, eventually. Just like today, I am low, I am depressed, and it will be over, I will feel stable again tomorrow or next week.

It is moment like this, that I desire a supportive shoulder to lean on for just 30 minutes. I will survive. Suffering might bear fruit, but that will not reduce the pain going through the process, it only gives hope.