10th Dec 2014 on flight to Amman
flight now is above Saudi Arabic. There are some strange circles on the ground where nothing else (buildings, human) around any nearby places. The circles are perfect with some water in the middle. I wonder what these are. Flight is rather empty, everyone has a full row to sleep. Even the cabin crowds are sleeping on the spare seats than their own seat.
Jordanian men are very fat in old age. But the suit are the most poplar dress. Woman are more relaxed than in Abu Dhabi, no abaya any more.
Today I am on the flight to Jordan. I start to think what is achievement in 2014 and what is new-year-resolution for 2015.
2014 is quite a fruitful year. If I call it fruitful, it is really because my expectation has been down for very long. Especially after then very struggle 2011, 2012 and 2013, I feel my career is stagnated and cut. There is not any good grid to grasp. The education development is nothing splendid since the private language school is so satirized and formal public school demands a real certificate.
When think about 2014, I want to mention music. This is such a surprise! After moved to Al Muneera, I started to walk around the resident island. Read many posts about doing oxygen-exercise, it all mentioned that to have music is good accompany. I downloaded first some Chinses music. The resource is so scarcsed and it never be good organized. Then I used some workout music. It was ok. I even tried some audio book just to boot my language and ultilize time. However, those music often drag me away from exercise and stop on rocks or beaches.
During Yas Marina Circuit job, Tom was asking me to make some Chinese music. Though they did not use my collections I had a handful of music. Then I started to listen to popular music list for the month. For the first few weeks I never notice those lyrics. Those are just music. After many round of listening the same playlist, I start to notice lyrics. That was the first time I feel inspired by the content and theme of popular music. It was a surprise, right? I would think it has been with me all the time but not. I find the connections between me and outside world by those music. Those voice, which used to be very annoying for me, start to connect with me. Even the melody makes more sense now.
Then I discovered the song for anti-bully, for anti-over photoshop, for workout and for happiness. Many of them do speak my feelings than just some strange voice screaming. I start to love headset and power-pack. Then I start to use WeChat. A chinese version of facebook, integram and WhatsApp. It has opened my connections to old classmates back in China.
After May, I hired a personal trainer. Trainer (Mika.Iman) has dragged me to do running. I started with 10 minutes to 50 minutes till December. I was so happy with my own achievement. The secrate is the breakfast. If I have breakfast, I cannot run. But if I just skip it, with little water, I can run 5km.
I started the health coach with Xiuying Jokela. I hope this will be the starts of health life cycle. The gluten-free diet is not very successful since I could never really remember all those strange yes/nos.
I think all I done can be done in one year. Maybe other women who get a healthy baby had recovered soon as in the first year. I should done all these in 2010 and back to work in 2011. But life has dragged me down all these years and I am still not back to the same level as in 2008. Five years already passed. I do not feel the world is on my side. It does not surround by light and nothing support me for the fight. I feel I am getting somewhere that is beyond what I was (just from the song that is in my ear).
Two things happened around me provoke me for some new goal. First is Petra Tukama, a Finnish lady seemed to managed her life pretty neatly, with three kids in a young age with two jobs in Finland and Masdar city. I believe that is very good paid;
Another one is what Anna-Mari told me that one a famous island, there are many American old couples bought their holiday house. They are already 70s and even 80s but still flying around and enjoy life, just as healthy as young people. So my goal is to live life long as possible and to get the best still. But how? The hypertension just bothered me this week. I picked up my medicine, now I need to eat three types of medicine in the morning – allergy, ashma, hypertension and some other vitamins.
Life needs a lot of re-organize.
What I did not mention yet is Alex. He is growing but most time with nanny than with me. I cannot share so many time with him. It is not absolutely lack of time but I just so use to seat somewhere, just being myself. This is depressive and not good for anything. But I feel there is lack of motivations to participate. The years in Finland, being alone, and being isolated is destroyed me. I feel so less involved with anything. I hope something can hold my hand and free my heart.
There are few things I think I need to do: English, Finnish. The language has been my obstacle all the time. Both of them has been bothers in Finland, and it seems just continue. In Abu Dhabi, at least English should be an easy subject. I will follow it up in the new year.
