感恩的心...適應新生活

把兒子送到一個社區公寓的俱樂部的網球場，看見他歡天喜地地奔向剛認識的七八個同年齡的朋友，我真地從心裏放下了一塊石頭！

從美西大遷移至美東，我最大的心病就是擔心讀高中一年的兒子的情緒，而他對於舉家搬遷最大的抗拒就是他將是遠離這些年和他喜樂與共的朋友們。兒子是個內向的孩子，還有點害羞，不容易很快交朋友，但是，一旦交了朋友，他的朋友對他和他對他的朋友都是“肝膽相照”！他可以隨叫隨到，不吃不喝地和朋友在一起，他的身邊常常跟著幾個特別要好的朋友。

剛搬過來時，兒子還沒埋怨，老父先抱怨開了：“孤獨 ! 太孤獨了！”剛來的前一個多星期，因為我們房子在請工人小裝修，裝修工拖延了工程，加上我們從加州運過來的家具還在路上沒到，我們住在先生之前住的公寓裏，父母每天一早帶著我們的小狗狗出去散步，幾乎看不到東方人的麵孔，門衛和前廳接待說話他們都聽不懂，出去看到黑人就有些緊張 …… 一個陌生的環境，一個與加州完全不同的感受，連老人家都覺得孤獨了。

所幸天氣太熱，兒子懶得出去轉，整天躲在室內玩他的 X-Box, 加上臨離開加州前他和一位女同學走得很近，兩個人剛表白就分開了，所以來到新州之後整日沉溺在短信電話中，沒有時間感到無所事事的孤獨。

搬進了新家，一陣忙亂和興奮之後，他開始提起明年夏天要回加州，三年以後要回加州讀大學等等，我們任憑他說，不過，意識到他開始懷念加州的一切，“思鄉”之情明顯可見。帶著他去學校選課和學術指導交流，他也是一句：“我要回加州讀史丹福！”我們苦笑，學術指導卻很高興：“好啊！每年史丹福都會從我們學校錄取一兩名學生，我現在就以他們的標準來要求你！”結果學術指導讓他選了兩門 AP 課外加三門高年級的課和三門本年級的課，他眉頭都不皺一下，我卻為他擔了一把心，他既要適應新的生活環境還有麵對如此沉重的課業，問他：“兒子，你知道這八門課的份量嗎？你能一下子適應嗎？”他看看我說：“行！”我所能做的大概隻能為他禱告 !

他開始讀學校老師布置的暑假要讀的書，他開始準備其它幾門 SAT 2…… 除此之外，他便是整天在電話和在 Facebook 上和他加州的同學朋友聊天。先是我們手機電話的時間被他打爆，他爸爸趕緊讓他用家裏的沒有時間限製的電話打，接著問題出現了，加州和新州有時差三個小時，我們規定他十一點半之前要睡覺，這裏十一點半，加州剛晚上八點半，他若睡覺就意味著不能和加州的朋友多聊天了！幾次三番交涉下來，我說服他爸爸在暑假期間讓他到十二點才準備上床，他幾乎天天超時，為了保證他的睡眠時間，我們早晨便由著他多睡一會兒，這樣每天的十一點才看見他姍姍起床，我們要吃午飯了，他才吃早飯。雖知道這樣不對，可又不忍剝奪他那僅有的樂趣！

我們也著急，不知道怎樣改變這種狀況。直到我們去了教會！

先生的一位幾十年的老友介紹他去了新州的主恩堂，先生一直說與矽穀我們去的生命河靈糧堂無法相比，一個比較傳統，一個完全創新。本身加州在各方麵都比較前衛，猛然從一個前衛的地方倒回保守傳統之地，確實很難適應。

我們一家第一次帶著孩子去主恩堂是聽一場布道會(見拙文：從破碎到自由……永恒的生命 )，我們大人深受感動，孩子坐在我們旁邊因為聽不懂連連抱怨枯燥。可是，當我們又一次帶著孩子參加每周五晚上的小組聚會，兩個孩子一下子認識了好多同年齡的孩子。尤其是兒子，認識了兩個同學校的女同學還有很多其他學校的同年級的男女孩子們，他和我們都沒想到在這裏可以一下子見到這麽多華裔孩子，他幾乎一下子就把那種孤獨感甩掉了！隔天的主日敬拜，兩個孩子剛進教會的大門，就有前天認識的孩子叫著他們的名字，然後都不用我們操心，各自去到各自該去的教室。

接著，形勢便是一片大好。周一兒子的 Facebook 上當地的孩子就陸續“敲門”進來了，有女生組織幾個孩子一起看電影，叫他一起去。周二又有另一個女生說大家一起去打網球和遊泳問他去不去，我即使對當地的地形仍很陌生，也積極要求開車送兒子參加這樣的聚會。

以前去教會大都是大人靈修方麵的需要，這次新州的教會給了我們如此大的一個驚喜，真是讓我再次覺得冥冥之中，自有帶領！回想這一兩年來我們在搬家上的種種顧慮到順其自然聽憑帶領，這一路走來我隻能說：感謝上帝！祂的帶領總是那麽得及時！那樣得奇妙！

[beautyinautumn]

回複weandwe的評論:When we purchased the house at Mountain lakes, we did noticed that YMCA, which is our family Gym for many years in CA. We are so happy that this one is so close to our home. However, after we move into the town, we are busy to excplore every road and every lake there. Everyday, morning and evening, we walk or jog in the woods and around the lake. So far we still find new road and new beauty in this small town and did not feel there's a need to go to the Gym yet. It's so good to live in the green with so many tall trees around. We may join YMCA later in the winter if needed. But now we are more than enough in terms of exercising just by jogging in town.:)

[beautyinautumn]

回複weandwe的評論:Thank you so much. I will look for Andy later for sure.

[weandwe]

My family also was the member of Mountainlake's Lakeland Hill Family YMCA. It is at 100 Fanny Road, Mountain Lakes, NJ 07046. It should be very close to you just off Boullevard and on the Fanny rd. It is also just off Route 287 and we used to drive there in less than 10 min from Montville. The price for a family is very reasonable. The gym is very upgraded and very spacious. My kids learned to swim there. I love its swimmng pool too.

[weandwe]

My hairdresser's name is Andy. He came from Hongkong and married a girl from Taiwan. They bought a house in Parsippany and have two nice kids. I watched his kids grow up. He has done my hair almost 10 years. He will take vacation to Taiwan from 08/23 to Labor day. He usually takes Monday off. You can try other hairdressers too because most of them are very nice and professional. There are two reasons I like this one: 1) very clean and comfortable;2) Most hairdressers are stable and professional. The store's number is 973-503-1355. Andy's mobile # is 973-271-7319.

[beautyinautumn]

回複weandwe的評論:
Thank you for so much information. The hair salon one is really helpful. I will try it soon.

I love the small town I am living in now. It's so beautiful and peaceful. A paradise at east coast. I am very happy to make this right choice!

[weandwe]

My kids went to that church every week when they were young. They were happy and made a lot of friends. Most importantly, they were not forced by anyone to go there. They were simply happier there with their friends there. The church provided a safe harbor for them. Both of my kids are not real Christian eventually when they grow up and make their own choices. But the church still taught them to revere God and be good people in the society.

[weandwe]

I haven't check your blog for a while. I am so glad that your family moved to one of the towns I had suggested before in Morris county. You made the best choice! Mountainlake is one of the best towns in NJ where you can enjoy the real traditional(old-money) American country life, but you are also so close to everything including NYC. I was a member of the church you mentioned at Parsippany when I lived in Montville. The towns(Mountainlake,Denville, Parsippany, Montville, Fairfield, etc) in that area along Route 46 are real soild Middle to Upper class American towns which are not easily be invaded because no bad towns there. A few good towns in Essex county, including Millburn, shorthill, livingston, are all surrounded by the bad towns. They can be invaded so fast.


For grocery shopping, there is a very good farm market on route 46 east side after you pass willowbrook mall (at the same site of saturn car dealer and IHOP, the store hides inside of the court). I used to shop there everyweek. The fruit and vegetable are much cheaper and fresher than most Chinese supermarkets.

A Chinese supermarket on Route 10 in East Hanover is much better than the ones on Route 46. At least it is cleaner. I also like the hair sallon close to this supermarket at the same shopping center. I still get my hair done there because the staff working there are very stable and professional. Most of them have been there more than 10 years and lived closeby. After I found this one, I never worry about my hair any more. The chinese buffett "Royal Buffett" at the same center is our favorite too. My boyfriend loves this one!

[毛蟲兒]

先謝謝你的熱心，兒子才7.5 個月，他大點我就帶他去你說的那個地方，到時在找你介紹一下。

[BeautyinAutumn]

回複毛蟲兒的評論:
毛蟲兒：試試看，帶你的孩子去教會吧！人們都說去教會的孩子不會學壞。當然這是泛指，但是絕大多數定期去教會的孩子因為時常的“耳提命訓”，無形中有一種正麵的影響力帶領他們。即使你們家長開始隻是為了孩子，教會裏的兄弟姐妹也不會太在意，一定會歡迎你們的。我去的生命河靈糧堂有很好的青少年小組和活動。我在灣區時參加的小組也有很好的組長帶領，你若感興趣，告訴我，我可以介紹他們給你們一家。

[毛蟲兒]

我看他交了新朋友後很快就會忘了加州，不過希望他記得自己的誓言，考回史丹福。我和先生都不去教堂，我們隻是喜歡聖經裏的某些東西和佛教裏的某些，我看以後兒子交朋友就困難些，但我不能為兒子交朋友而違心的去教堂，我知道很多人去教堂並非很虔誠的，但我不想這樣做。