We Three
我們仨
我們仨走散了，留我一人在世 , 一九九七年早春，阿瑗去世。一九九八年歲末，鍾書去世。我們三人就此失散了。就這麽輕易地失散了。“世間好物不監牢，彩雲易散琉璃脆”。
We three
One night, I had a dream.
Zhongshu and I were out on a walk together,
talking and laughing,
when we came to a place we did not know.
有一晚，我做了一個夢。
我和鍾書一同散步，
說說笑笑，走到了不知什麽地方。
The sun had set behind the mountains,
and dusk was approaching.
太陽已經下山，黃昏薄幕，
Then Zhongshu disappeared into the void.
I searched everywhere
but could find no trace of him.
I called to him, but there was no answer.
蒼蒼茫茫中，忽然鍾書不見了。
我四顧尋找，不見他的影蹤。
我喊他，沒人應。
It was just me, alone,
standing there in the wasteland
not knowing where Zhongshu had gone.
隻我一人，站在荒郊野地裏，
鍾書不知到哪裏去了。
I cried out to him, calling his full name,
but my cries just fell into the wilderness
without the faintest echo,
as if they'd been swallowed.
我大聲呼喊，連名帶姓地喊。
喊聲落在曠野裏，好像給吞吃了似的，
沒留下一點依稀仿佛的音響。
Complete silence
added to the blackness of the night,
deepening my loneliness
and sense of desolation.
徹底的寂靜，
給沉沉夜色增添了分量，
也加深了我的孤淒。
In the distance,
I saw only layer upon layer of dusky dark.
I was on a sandy road
with a forest to one side.
There was a murmuring brook;
I couldn't see how wide it was.
往前看去，是一層深似一層的昏暗。
我腳下是一條沙土路，旁邊有林木，
有潺潺流水，看不清楚溪流有多麽寬廣。
Then I turned to look back,
I saw what appeared
to be a cluster of houses.
It was an inhabited place,
but since I couldn't see any lights,
I thought they must be quite far away.
向後看去，
好像是連片的屋宇房舍，
是有人煙的去處，
但不見燈火，
想必相離很遠了。
Had Zhongshu gone home on his own?
Then I'd better go home too!
Just as I was looking for the way back,
an old man appeared,
pulling an empty rickshaw.
鍾書自顧自先回家了嗎？
我也得回家呀。
我正待尋覓歸路，
忽見一個老人拉著一輛空的黃包車，
I hurried over to bar his way,
and sure enough he stopped,
but I couldn't tell him
where I wanted to go.
忙攔住他，他倒也停了車。
可是我怎麽也說不出要到哪裏去，
In the midst of my desperation, I woke up.
Zhongshu lay next to me in bed,
sound asleep.
惶急中忽然醒了。
鍾書在我旁邊的床上睡得正酣呢。
I tossed and turned for the rest of the night,
waiting for Zhongshu to wake up;
then I told him about what happened in my dream.
我轉側了半夜等鍾書醒來，
就告訴他我做了一個夢，
I reproached him:
How could you have abandoned me like that,
leaving on your own without a word to me?
Zhongshu didn't try to defend the Zhongshu of my dream.
如此這般；
於是埋怨他怎麽一聲不響地撇下我自顧自走了。
鍾書並不為我夢中的他辯護，
He only consoled me by saying:
this is an old person's dream.
He often had it too.
隻安慰我說：
那是老人的夢，他也常做。
Yes, I've had this sort of dream many times.
The setting may differ,
but the feeling is the same.
是的，這類的夢我又做過多次，
夢境不同而情味總相似。
Most often the two of us emerge from some place,
then, in the blink of an eye, he's gone.
往往是我們兩人從一個地方出來，
他一晃眼不見了。
I ask after him everywhere,
but nobody pays any attention to me.
Sometimes I search for him everywhere
but end up in a succession of alleys,
all with dead ends.
我到處問詢，無人理我。
我或是來回尋找，走入一連串的死胡同，
Sometimes I am alone in a dimly station,
waiting for the last train,
but the train never comes.
或獨在昏暗的車站等車，
等那末一班車，
車也總不來。
In every dream I am lonely and desperate.
If only I could find him,
I think, we could go home together.
夢中淒淒惶惶，
好像隻要能找到他，
就能一同回家。
Zhongshu probably remembered my reproach
and caused this dream
to be ten thousand miles long.
鍾書大概是記著我的埋怨，
叫我做了一個長達萬裏的夢。
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