自我認字起，就很想將母親苦難的一生寫下來，卻一直沒得時間。時間久了，忘記了許多細節，卻不敢去問，怕再度引起母親的傷懷。所以趁現在還存有記憶，先做一個草記。
Ever since I knew how to read, I had always been longing to put down in paper my mother's grieving and turbulent life. That I have never had a chance to do so until I realize that many details are slipping away with the fleeing time and the fear that my inquiry may have my mother relive her sad past, have resulted in this sketch on what I still remember.
母親一生，似乎從她出生前就已注定是磨難重重，滿腔苦水，以淚洗麵。她從未見過自己的父親，他也沒見過她。並非生離死別，而是因為做父親的從來也沒想見她。
It seemed that my mother’s fate was predetermined even before she was born – tribulation, gnawing sorrow, and a teary face.
My mother never saw her father and neither did he her. It wasn’t so much a life-or-death tragedy as a fact that, a father as he was, he never gave a scintilla of thought to her, let alone a desire to see her.
沒有人記得起母親的父親（我的外祖父）是什麽時候去的緬甸。人們隻知道他在那裏發了財，據說是中了頭彩，得了一大筆錢，外帶一個“美女”。因此他當時有兩房妻室，一房是那“美女”，而另一房便是我的外祖母。據說後來有人挑唆外祖父把錢投資到販毒的“生意”中，被操作者告知在海上被稽查艦追擊，所有“貨物”都陳海滅髒了。似乎是被騙，但無法考察是否屬實，外祖父的錢沒了卻是真的。幸好在緬甸還有一個大莊園，從此以土地為生。經營不大好，那都是後話。
No one could remember exactly when her father (my maternal grandfather) went to Myanmar. All people knew was that he made a fortune there. It was said the windfall was from a lottery and it had brought him a beauty. Including that beauty, he had two wives and the other one was my maternal grandma.
The rumor had it that grandpa was talked into putting all his money in an unsavory investment - drug trafficking. But the drug dealers told him that they were chased by the inspection boats of the Custom and had to dump all the “cargo” into the sea to bury the evidence. Maybe my grandpa was simply conned, but there was no way to verify what had actually happened. However, one thing was certain that his money was gone. Fortunately, he still had a big farm in Myanmar to fall back on. Again, he was not much of businessman and the farm was in a poor shape. But I will come to that part later.
外祖父的“美女”那邊很快添了丁，而外祖母這邊卻很久沒有動靜。那一年，外祖父帶著兩房妻室回鄉，建起了母親家那座雙院門、花磚地的大瓦房，方圓百裏稱羨。也巧，外祖母懷孕了，便決意留在海南把孩子生在家鄉，暫時沒有跟外祖父一家回緬甸。
Very soon, the beauty bore a baby boy for my grandpa, but nothing from my grandma. That year, grandpa took both of his wives back to his home town. To show his wealth, grandpa had built a huge house, tile-roofed, brick-floored and with a double-yard-door, which was much coveted by people within hundreds of miles. Coincidentally, my grandma was pregnant in that house. As a result, she decided to deliver the baby at her home town, Hainan, while grandpa and his beauty set on their way back to Myanmar.
外祖父走了，留給外祖母的交代是：如果生個男孩，就帶去緬甸，如果是女孩子就算了。何謂“算了”？ 據說當地重男輕女，按舊習慣，不想要的女嬰，即刻就放入水盆中弱水。大概是外祖母不忍，留在家鄉把母親帶到了三、四歲。想是她還想生個兒子，終於要走了。母親知曉後，央求外祖母帶她同去，並日夜跟隨不放。外祖母拗她不過，答應了，囑咐她收拾好自己一個小箱子。出發的那天，村裏人來送行。母親跟著那小箱子在人腿中間穿梭，緊張地追隨著。到了岔路口，外祖母叫母親坐在箱子上等等，她去去廁所即來。
My Grandpa told my grandma when he left for Myanmar: if it is a boy, bring him to Myanmar; if it is girl, forget it. What did he mean by “forget it”? It was said that the old local practice at the time was to treasure boys and as a result of which, unwanted baby girls would be drowned right after birth in the delivering pans. Maybe out of her sympathy, grandma kept her baby girl and raised her until she was three or maybe four years old.
That baby girl was my mother.
Grandma had never stopped thinking of bearing a boy and therefore decided to leave for Myanmar. Knowing that grandma would leave soon, mother beseeched her to take her along and clung to grandma day and night. Touched by mother’s persistence, grandma agreed to bring her along and told her to put all her things into a small luggage.
Moving day, many villagers came to see grandma off. Dragging her luggage and drudging through a maze of people’s legs, my mother nervously followed grandma. When they came to a fork road, grandma asked mother to sit on her small luggage and wait while she went to a washroom.
That baby girl was my mother.
Grandma had never stopped thinking of bearing a boy and therefore decided to leave for Myanmar. Knowing that grandma would leave soon, mother beseeched her to take her along and clung to grandma day and night. Touched by mother’s persistence, grandma agreed to bring her along and told her to put all her things into a small luggage.
Moving day, many villagers came to see grandma off. Dragging her luggage and drudging through a maze of people’s legs, my mother nervously followed grandma. When they came to a fork road, grandma asked mother to sit on her small luggage and wait while she went to a washroom.
等啊等，天色漸晚，人已散去，仍不見人歸。母親不相信事實，執意要等媽媽回來。 三天三夜，她不吃不喝，守坐在那小箱子上。終於絕望了，她昏倒了，被堂親抱回了家。母親的眼淚流幹了，由傷心變成了刻骨銘心的恨。
And my mother had waited and waited…
Near dusk, people dispersed and no sight of grandma, mother refused to believe her mother would not come back for her. She sat on that small luggage for three days and nights without any food and water. On the third day, desperate and weary, she passed out and was carried home by an extended relative. Tears dry, feelings numb, mother turned her sorrow into an indelible hatred.
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