An elegantly written love letter, but

 

先生寫得非常漂亮，相信能成就不少良緣。 我隻是提出一點小想法。說得不對, 請先生海涵。

 

1. The use of “Miss” is too formal, it is better to omit the salutation and just use first name or even nickname. 

2. Following two sentences sound too cliché to me. I wonder if anyone can still be touched by these clichés. It is better to quote something else.  

- It seems that three autumns have elapsed if we don't see each other for a day (一日不見，如隔三秋)

- I will love you for the rest of my life with all my heart, until seas go dry and rocks turn rotten (海枯石爛不變心)

3. English seems a little bit too old-fashioned to me, like "unite in holy matrimony", “made your acquaintance” et al.

所有跟帖： 

• 哈哈，我要是找逸老代寫一封這樣的情書，對方肯定一眼就識破了！ -肖莊- ♀ (52 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:40:07

• 肖妹妹不用寫情書，你是收情書專業戶。 -NewVoice- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:49:38

• 頂！~~ -EnLearner- ♀ (116 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:51:49

• Whom are u proud of? Sheng Jie, or yourself? -肖莊- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:54:15

• No, It's you that I am pround of. haha. -EnLearner- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:56:20

• 哈哈，沒有的事兒。晚安聲姐！ -肖莊- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:52:41

• 謝謝寶貴意見。 -海外逸士- ♂ (225 bytes) () 12/08/2011 postreply 05:49:10

• 謝謝先生！先生真謙虛！ -NewVoice- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/08/2011 postreply 07:14:30