謝謝DCH老兄出手!

來源: 非文學青年 2011-08-07 23:27:03 [] [博客] [舊帖] [給我悄悄話] 本文已被閱讀: 次 (3166 bytes)
本文內容已被 [ 非文學青年 ] 在 2011-08-08 06:22:10 編輯過。如有問題,請報告版主或論壇管理刪除.

1) Title  Marriage --> My Marriage

這個題目瞎寫的,跟900句一致了。

2) I thought I could write something down about what my marriage has brought me from a woman’s perspective,(this sentence is not clear) --> I thought I could write something down about  marriage from a woman’s perspective, in particular about what my marriage has meant to me (or brought to me, etc..).

good suggestion. accepted.

3) to commemorate our fifth wedding anniversary as well. En, our ---> my.

,是有點兒象說我跟Carpediem的wedding似的哈。accepted.

4) I don't understand why the sight of the old campus washed away your envy on the luxurious mansion. You may need to explain ...

同意,後麵Carpediem也提到,那幾句flow不好,我再想想怎麽組織句子,說明白一下。我是想說Seeing my old campus made me reflect on the changes my marriage has brought me and I changed my perspective and didn't feel envious anymore.

5) Our household size doubled in the last three years, I could no longer just copy my tax return form from the previous year as the family kept expanding.  -- this is a running sentence.

lilac mentioned this too. accepted.

5) I no longer watch ...; I became one....---> I've become one.

accepted.

6) putting poker chips in his mouth  --->....into his mouth.

accepted.

7) I no longer scream “TGIF”, relishing the prospect of a weekend---> to relish .... 

這個保留。我自己覺得relishing好一些。

8)7000-squre-foot   typo square

accepted.

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