【翻譯寫作】練習之一原文+總結,請大家踴躍扔磚

本文內容已被 [ 非文學青年 ] 在 2011-05-24 06:36:54 編輯過。如有問題,請報告版主或論壇管理刪除.

本打算今晚上弄呢,這會兒沒事,就貼出來吧。

美風提供的這篇是新概念第二冊第62課:After the fire。想讀或背誦的童鞋可以找一下原讀。

消防隊員們同那場森林大火搏鬥了將近3個星期才最後把火勢控製住。就在不久之前,參天大樹還覆蓋著方圓數英裏的土地。而現在,發熱的地麵上仍然升騰著煙霧,彌漫在荒涼的山丘上。冬季即將來臨,這些山丘對周圍的村莊具有毀滅性的威脅,因為大雨不僅會衝走土壤,而且還會引起嚴重的水災。在大火最後 被撲滅後,森林管理當局訂購了好幾噸一種生長迅速的特殊類型的草籽。飛機把這種草籽大量地撒播在地上。飛機撒播近一個月後,開始下起雨來。然而到那時,很 多地方的草已經生了根。一片片的綠草開始出現在這片燒焦的土地上,代替了多少世紀以來一直生長在那裏的參天大樹

Firemen had been fighting the forest for nearly three weeks before they could get it under control. A short time before, great trees had covered the countryside for miles around. Now smoke still rose up from the warm ground over the desolate hills. Winter was coming on and the hills threatened the surrounding villages with destruction, for heavy rain would not only wash away the soil but would cause serious floods as well. When the fire had at last been put out the forest authorities ordered several tons of a special type of grass-seed which would grow quickly. The seed was sprayed over the ground in huge quantities by aeroplanes. The planes had been planting seed for nearly a month when it began to rain. By then, however, in many places the grass had already taken root. In place of the great trees which had been growing there for centuries patches of green had begun to appear in the blackened soil.

學委總結陳詞(哢哢):The main thing I learned from this practice is 時態問題, esp. past perfect tense (I have marked the five places where past perfect tense is used). English is very specific about the order in which things happened while in Chinese the order is not so conspicuous.  There is“現在” in the Chinese, which might misled you to think you should use present tense.  但是要注意到現在之後講述的那些都是過去的事了,所以這個現在不是“the present”,而是過去的一個時間點。這個事態的問題,我就沒在你們的譯文上標了。標的紅字的是我覺得用法有問題的,綠的是我覺得要insert或者替代你的紅的翻譯的,黃色highlight的是我覺得有待商榷的。

學英語3151

It took firefighters almost three weeks to eventually contain the forest fire. Not long ago miles of land were still covered by tall trees but now the smoke from the fire are steaming out of the hot ground and diffusing into the hills. As the winter approaches, the hills could be a deadly threat to the surrounding villages since the heavy rains could not only wash away the soil but also cause heavy flood. After the fire was finally out, tons of special fast-grow grass seeds were ordered by forest management and spread onto the land using airplane. By the time the rain comes one month after, the seeds have rooted and patches of green grass have grown on the charred land where (there) used to be tall trees for centuries.

非文學青年:

The firefighters finally put the forest fire under control after fighting with it for nearly three weeks. Not long ago, the land that stretched for miles was covered with giant sky-reaching trees. But now, smoke rose from the heated ground and spread over the disserted hills. With the winter coming, these hills posed a damaging threat to the surrounding villages as the rain would not only wash away the dirt, but also cause heavy flooding. After the fire was put to an end, the forest management(?) bureau ordered tons of seeds of a special type of fast-growing grass. The plane dumped(planted?) the seeds in large amounts on the ground. Approximately one month later, the rain came while the grass had rooted in many spots. Patches and patches of green grass started appearing on the burnt ground, replacing the giant trees that had been there for centuries.

金迷:

After three weeks, firefighters could finally have this blast(?) forest fire in control. Not long ago, this land was still covered by old tall trees miles around, but now smoke coming from hot (the, maybe?) land surface, stretches across the lifeless hill. Winter is coming, hills deadly(I am not very sure whether it can be used this way,  a better choice seems to be: poses a deadly threat)  threatens to villages, because heaven rain will not only flush soil away, but will also cause mud flood. Just after fire was put off(out), Forest Management Bureau ordered tons of fast grow grass seed. These seeds were spread to this land by air planes. It will start rain(raining) in one month, by then, grass will be rooted in many places, and eventually, grasses will emerge on this tarred land as replacement of these old trees that had been there for centuries.

Cloudhk

After fighting with forest fire for about three weeks, firemen had kept it in control. Just a couple of days before, there had been covered by old trees around tens of miles. While fogs have still risen from the land, penetrating  around hills here and there. The winter is coming, so those hills will bring deconstructive influence to nearby villages. Since terrible rain will flow the uncovered soil and brings about flood. After the fire had been controlled, the forest administration agency booked a kind of grass seeds living quickly. Planes spread these seeds largely on the land(如果用largely,這裏的indication是大部分撒在地上,有一部分撒在水裏/空中). Around one month later, it began to rain. Till then, most of grass had been rooted over there. Pieces of grass appear in this burned land, replacing those huge trees standing there for several centuries.

美風:

It took the firefighters almost three weeks to control the forest fire finally. Just a short time ago, the tall trees had covered lands of several miles, but now, the smogs that rising from the warmed land were covering the barren hills. The winter was coming, the hills was going to have be life-threatening to the villages nearby. Since the heavy rain not only would wash out the soils, but also would cause severe flooding. After the fire was put out, the forest admistrative bureaucracy ordered several tons of special seeds that grow very fast. A large amounts of seeds were spread to the lands by airplane. After nearly a month, it bagan raining. At that time, the seeds were going to germinate in many places. Green grass would begin appearing on the burned lands here and there. They were going to substitute the tall tress that had been growing here for several centuries

所有跟帖: 

這回兒行了嗎?我發現不能亂編輯,一編輯就出問題。 -非文學青年- 給 非文學青年 發送悄悄話 非文學青年 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:18:19

謝謝文青教師! 水平太高了!回複:【翻譯寫作】練習之一原文+總結,請大家踴躍扔磚 -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 (284 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:39:16

找抽啊,又喊老師又拍馬屁的! -非文學青年- 給 非文學青年 發送悄悄話 非文學青年 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:45:26

555. 那是俺的心裏話啊。 回複:找抽啊,又喊老師又拍馬屁的! -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:52:00

原讀鏈接在這。 回複:【翻譯寫作】練習之一原文+總結,請大家踴躍扔磚 -beautifulwind- 給 beautifulwind 發送悄悄話 (122 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:54:53

Thank you for the great effort, 學委! -學英語3151- 給 學英語3151 發送悄悄話 (229 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 11:25:04

辛苦了,非文同誌! -金迷- 給 金迷 發送悄悄話 金迷 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 12:24:50

謝謝點評,學習了。 -紓珈- 給 紓珈 發送悄悄話 紓珈 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 18:50:05

謝謝文青老師! -cloudhk- 給 cloudhk 發送悄悄話 cloudhk 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 05/24/2011 postreply 04:53:50

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