"孔夫子曰"匯編Top 100

  1. Confucius say, virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone
  2. Confucius say, bird in the hand is not better than two in the bush
  3. Confucius say, man who do business in whore house get jerked around
  4. Confucius say, gypsies got no babies because gypsies have crystal balls
  5. Confucius say, panties not best thing on earth, but next to it
  6. Confucius say, war not determine who right. War determine who left
  7. Confucius say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house
  8. Confucius say, man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night
  9. Confucius say, it take many nail to build crib, one screw to fill it
  10. Confucius say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants
  11. Confucius say, if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient
  12. Confucius say, passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly
  13. Confucius say, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day long
  14. Confucius say, couple on seven day honeymoon make whole week
  15. Confucius say, woman who go camping must beware of evil intent
  16. Confucius say, squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts
  17. Confucius say, man who run before bus get tired
  18. Confucius say, man who run behind bus get exhausted
  19. Confucius say, man with tool in woman's mouth not necessarily dentist
  20. Confucius say, man who make love on side of hill not on level
  21. Confucius say, sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel
  22. Confucius say, man with tight trousers is pressing his luck
  23. Confucius say, man who stand on toilet high on pot
  24. Confucius say, man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy
  25. Confucius say, man with hand in pocket all day not crazy, just feeling nuts
  26. Confucius say, man who sleep in bed of nails is holy
  27. Confucius say, do not drink and park, accidents cause people
  28. Confucius say, man who put pea in soup very unclean
  29. Confucius say, man who run through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
  30. Confucius say, boy who go to sleep with sex problem on mind wake up with solution in hand
  31. Confucius say, man who fishes in another woman's well, often catches crab
  32. Confucius say, to meet girl in park is good, but to park meat in girl is better
  33. Confucius say, squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts
  34. Confucius say, butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders
  35. Confucius say, electrician get much angry when find shorts in wife's bedroom¦
  36. Confucius say, man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face
  37. Confucius say, man with big mouth beware of foot
  38. Confucius say, man who fart in church, sit in own pew
  39. Confucius say, woman who fly upside down have crack up
  40. Confucius say, man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion
  41. Confucius say, man under wheelbarrow playing with tool, not necessarily mechanic
  42. Confucius say, house without bathroom is uncanny
  43. Confucius say, foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ
  44. Confucius say, man who sits on stool smells like shit
  45. Confucius say, man who throws dirt is losing ground
  46. Confucius say, woman who go to man's apartment for snack, get titbit
  47. Confucius say, man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth
  48. Confucius say, man who get kicked in testicles, left holding the bag
  49. Confucius say, man who kisses girl's behind, get crack in face
  50. Confucius say, girl who ride bicycle, peddle ass all over town
  51. Confucius say, man with penis in peanut butter jar, fucking nuts
  52. Confucius say, man who buy drowned cat, get wet pussy
  53. Confucius say, man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam
  54. Confucius say, learn to masturbate - come in handy
  55. Confucius say, girl who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip
  56. Confucius say, girl who sit on judge's lap get honorable discharge
  57. Confucius say, waitress who sit on leper's lap, keep tip
  58. Confucius say, man who snort coke, get bubbles up nose
  59. Confucius say, cow with no legs, ground beef
  60. Confucius say, two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn
  61. Confucius say, baby born in car with automatic transmission, grow to become shiftless bastard
  62. Confucius say, finding old man in dark, not hard
  63. Confucius say, man who smoke pot, choke on handle
  64. Confucius say, OK for shit to happen - will decompose
  65. Confucius say, man with head on railroad track, listening for train to come, get splitting headache
  66. Confucius say, man who sneeze without tissue take matter into own hands
  67. Confucius say, secretary become permanent fixture, when screwed on desk
  68. Confucius say, man who drive like hell, bound to get there
  69. Confucius say, man who sit on tack, get point
  70. Confucius say, man who put cream in tart, not always baker
  71. Confucius say, woman who spend much time on bedspring, may get offspring
  72. Confucius say, sex on beach like American beer - fucking near water
  73. Confucius say, man who masturbate, only screwing himself
  74. Confucius say, woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom
  75. Confucius say, support bacteria - is only culture some people have
  76. Confucius say, man with athletic finger, make broad jump
  77. Confucius say, man who sit on upturned tack, rise above all
  78. Confucius say, wash face in morning, neck at night
  79. Confucius say, man who have last laugh, not get joke
  80. Confucius say, man who sleep with old hen, find it better than pullet
  81. Confucius say, man piss in wind, wind piss back
  82. Confucius say, man who eat pussy, do lip service
  83. Confucius say, girl who marry detective, like to kiss dick
  84. Confucius say, men may have more hair on chest than woman, but on the whole, women have more
  85. Confucius say, woman wearing G-string, high on crack
  86. Confucius say, virgin with thimble on finger, never feel prick
  87. Confucius say, man who pull woman's bra strap, may get bust in face
  88. Confucius say, woman who pounce on dead rooster, go down on limp cock
  89. Confucius say, man who fall in vat of molten glass, make spectacle of self
  90. Confucius say, man who jump through screen door, strain self
  91. Confucius say, man who push piano down mine shaft, likely to get A flat minor
  92. Confucius say, man who put face in punchbowl, get punch in nose
  93. Confucius say, woman who sink in man's arms, soon have arms in man's sink
  94. Confucius say, man who put cock on stove, have hot rod
  95. Confucius say, man who fuck in cemetery may end up fucking dead
  96. Confucius say, man who jizz in cash register come into money
  97. Confucius say, man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time
  98. Confucius say, closed mouth catches no flies, but closed fly catches no mouths
  99. Confucius say, man who finger girl having period get caught red handed
  100. Confucius say, man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly fingers

https://www.trees-and-lambdas.info/matushansky/confucius.html

 

所有跟帖: 

孔老二英語不錯 -提問題- 給 提問題 發送悄悄話 提問題 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 05:46:28

孔夫子曰:“中國人必須有自己的英語,不能讓西方卡脖子” - 精木 - -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:30:42

嗯,英文的確不錯。不過感覺像是在 -newbigman- 給 newbigman 發送悄悄話 (29 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:43:02

真的? 我其實沒看幾句 -提問題- 給 提問題 發送悄悄話 提問題 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 08:03:34

閑人真多。 -石假裝- 給 石假裝 發送悄悄話 石假裝 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:09:37

嗯,吃得太飽 -最西邊的島上- 給 最西邊的島上 發送悄悄話 最西邊的島上 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:11:27

哪條不對了?都是勞動人民智慧的結晶 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:27:07

the 6th sense told me they have nothing 2 do w/ Confucius ~~ -最西邊的島上- 給 最西邊的島上 發送悄悄話 最西邊的島上 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:38:27

Try the 7th -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:54:07

:-(( -最西邊的島上- 給 最西邊的島上 發送悄悄話 最西邊的島上 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:56:17

孔夫子=confusion -移花接木- 給 移花接木 發送悄悄話 移花接木 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:38:05

他講的挺通透的啊 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:53:14

孔仲尼周遊列國,被喚作Johnnie Walker -痛快一回- 給 痛快一回 發送悄悄話 (81 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:47:34

民研的成果? -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:51:47

aged 14 years :) -白骨先生- 給 白骨先生 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:04:43

邵逸夫的英文名字叫 Run Run Shaw -500miles- 給 500miles 發送悄悄話 500miles 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 09:56:17

Run Forest!哈哈哈,,還有Chow Yun-fat -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:21:47

第1句怎麽翻,處子如泡泡一捅就破? -久經沙場的槍- 給 久經沙場的槍 發送悄悄話 久經沙場的槍 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:55:20

第2句:與其一手握鳥不如倆人滾草? -久經沙場的槍- 給 久經沙場的槍 發送悄悄話 久經沙場的槍 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 06:59:49

3 -newbigman- 給 newbigman 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:01:06

雞窩裏翻跟頭雞飛狗跳? -久經沙場的槍- 給 久經沙場的槍 發送悄悄話 久經沙場的槍 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:03:37

2 -newbigman- 給 newbigman 發送悄悄話 (33 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:05:14

前半句沒有one,後半句沒有bird,如此歪解也通 -久經沙場的槍- 給 久經沙場的槍 發送悄悄話 久經沙場的槍 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:10:05

這麽說你不成狗了? -500miles- 給 500miles 發送悄悄話 500miles 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 09:53:56

1. prick是雙關語,動詞是捅、刺的意思,名詞是壞蛋的意思 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:07:28

2. bush又是雙關語,樹林/下麵的毛發。這句是把一個英文的諺語反過來講,原文是 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (180 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:14:05

3. 還是玩的雙關梗, jerk around = 推來推去,耍弄, 也有手活的意思 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:41:31

這一百句都是黃色相關? -jianchi9090- 給 jianchi9090 發送悄悄話 jianchi9090 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 14:16:23

沒辦法,他們下裏巴人就是這樣 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 14:24:02

轟大轟大,這貼絕對屌炸!!! -久經沙場的槍- 給 久經沙場的槍 發送悄悄話 久經沙場的槍 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:05:56

很抱歉,圖圖,此貼有點玷汙笑壇的純潔:):):) -Zhuzitaba- 給 Zhuzitaba 發送悄悄話 Zhuzitaba 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:53:38

對不起,玷汙了竹子爸純潔的耳朵,,,不過要怪就怪精木,都是他起的頭 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 08:26:41

Say? Says? Said??? -衝浪潛水員- 給 衝浪潛水員 發送悄悄話 衝浪潛水員 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 07:53:41

你要是糾結語法,你就輸了 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 08:21:34

孔子東遊見兩小兒辯日怎麽翻譯,是真事還是有人編排Johnny? -移花接木- 給 移花接木 發送悄悄話 移花接木 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 09:43:48

司馬紹的故事是真的。他爹有一次問他“長安何如日遠”,長安比太陽哪個遠? -500miles- 給 500miles 發送悄悄話 500miles 的博客首頁 (427 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 09:49:11

Suzie還曾詩曰:西北望,射天狼。泥馬天狼星在我的東南,必須是老路射天狼才去望西北 -移花接木- 給 移花接木 發送悄悄話 移花接木 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:00:51

Suzie?又毀一位名人, LOL -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:05:37

武林高手,指東打西 -newbigman- 給 newbigman 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:25:35

東皮那時候就知道引力彈弓了 -500miles- 給 500miles 發送悄悄話 500miles 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:53:51

司馬紹真欠揍,這麽強詞奪理,我還說太陽比我隔街的鄰居家更近哪 -移花接木- 給 移花接木 發送悄悄話 移花接木 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:03:46

讚,你也有當總理的素質 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:10:57

然並卵,,,,除非你是當朝太子。司馬紹他爹是晉元帝,而你, -500miles- 給 500miles 發送悄悄話 500miles 的博客首頁 (225 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:52:57

這孩子小時候城府蠻深的,不像後來是個人就知道他想篡位 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:08:57

那是司馬昭,這個是司馬紹。 -500miles- 給 500miles 發送悄悄話 500miles 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 10:51:54

:-) 差之毫厘,謬以千裏 -最西邊的島上- 給 最西邊的島上 發送悄悄話 最西邊的島上 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 11:11:31

哦,哈哈,內誰,今天的天氣真不錯啊 -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 12:38:43

Yep, good weather in the 7th ~~~~ -最西邊的島上- 給 最西邊的島上 發送悄悄話 最西邊的島上 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 12:55:09

Revenge is a bitch, ain't it? -歐陽圖- 給 歐陽圖 發送悄悄話 歐陽圖 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 14:38:13

Only joking :-) no revenge ever between friends!!! -最西邊的島上- 給 最西邊的島上 發送悄悄話 最西邊的島上 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 15:39:39

期待哪位文化人兒把原文對照出來 -偶爾掉鏈子- 給 偶爾掉鏈子 發送悄悄話 偶爾掉鏈子 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/12/2025 postreply 15:56:54

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