Thank you for your sharing. I get you, you want to feel passionate and alive in what you do. Sometimes, the yearning is so strong that it can be such an unstoppable force. It is as though the unsatisfied and suffocating feeling just keep knocking at your door until you pay attention and do something about it.
On another note, have you tried a career counselor? In addition to getting some clarity around this, there may be apptitude test you can take which can provide a bit of a direction.
Have a good night.
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