Isn't this what we are all longing for? Feeling understood, really understood, with an open mind and a compassionate heart? You're so helpful.
I want to share something with you, something I wrote to my girlfriends last year, it started the whole thing:
"After spending 11 years on several Corporate jobs, I’ve learned not to have unrealistic expectations.
I’ve learned that every job has good days and bad days, that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I understand that in this economy, I’m lucky to have a job at all, especially one that affords me to raise a young family. But occasionally, I just wanted to stand on top of my desk and shout:”GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!” Today was 1 of those days. I don’t want to get into the details. Needless to say, I’m extremely unsatisfied, and unfulfilled with my job, no matter how hard I tried to justify it. The scary part is, even if I manage to change a new boss, a new team or a different company, I may remove some of the short-term hurdles that caused me pain, but in the long run, I probably still can’t be happy, because I’m not good enough in this field and probably will never be. I don’t think it’s others’ fault, and I don’t think I’m lazy or stupid. The problem may be that I’m not suitable in my profession, period. I got into IT because I can earn a decent living with it, now I’m stuck and can’t get out. I’ve been bothered by this for so long, sometimes I feel that I can’t breath. This heavy burden has caused me slight depression, and almost made me deficient in other areas of my life, including parenting. I know it is not a good time to think about a career change, especially in my situation. I know that my priority should be with my kids right now. But I can no longer deny this burning desire inside of me to get my professional life on track. The sad part is, I don’t know what I’m good at, what I’m naturally born to do, or where my passion lies. So even if I gather all my courage and strength to look for a new job, I will always have doubts in my mind: Will I enjoy this? Will I be good at this? Will it be worth it to go back to school or to take a career detour with a huge salary cut to try this new thing? The older you get, the more people depend on you, the less risk you can take, so a career change has to be measured very carefully. But I need to do something about it, to start thinking about where I want to take my life going forward, to find out what I should be doing, even if it’s unattainable right away. At least I can work towards that new direction, and wait for the right opportunity to come along, then pursue it when I’m ready. Nowadays, life expectancy is long, and people don’t simply retire, they get rewired into something that they’re passionate about. So conservatively speaking, I still have 30 even 40 years of creative life left in me. So it’s not too late, it’s never too late."
That's how the journey started. And here I am, asking questions and making plans, let me tell you, I'm so much happier than before already. :-)
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