周末一笑: My Sword of Employer(ZT)

1 我的雇主之劍/My Sword of Employer

The black lacquer stand holding his prized samurai swords was dusty, so my husband left our cleaning lady a note, reading, “Check out my swords.” That evening, he found the stand just as dirty as before but with this appended to his note: “Nice swords.”

架著他的珍貴的武士刀的黑漆支架已是塵土飛揚，於是我的丈夫給我們的清潔女工留了一張紙條，上麵寫道，“查看我的劍。”這天晚上，他發現支架還像以前一樣髒，但這幾個字加到他的字條上：“好劍。”

2 美滿婚姻的關鍵/The Key to A Good Marriage

I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we're getting along pretty great lately!”

我曾經給我的丈夫整整一個星期的沉默對待，在其末尾他宣稱，“嘿，我們最近相處的相當好！”

3 披薩的風險/Pizza Perils   

An exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza:

Customer: I ordered a Pizza and came with no toppings on it or anything, it’s just bread.

Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this!

Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down.  

一個憤怒的客戶和表達歉意的多米諾披薩店之間的交流:

顧客：我訂了一個披薩而上麵沒有澆頭或任何東西，它隻是烤的麵餅。

多米諾：聽到這個我們很遺憾！

顧客（幾分鍾後）：別在意，我打開披薩時弄反了。

4 廚房秘事/Kitchen Confidential

My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.

我的朋友們告訴我做飯容易，但不做飯更容易。

5 給壞鄰居的信/Letter to a Bad Neighbor   

Dear Charlie,

We’ve been neighbors for six tumultuous years. When you borrowed my snow blower, you returned it in pieces. When I was sick, you blasted Metallica. And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed. I could go on, but I’m not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.    

親愛的查理，

我們已經做了動蕩的六年的鄰居。當你借我的吹雪機用，你還回來時它成了碎片。當我生病時，你狠命地玩金屬樂隊。當你的狗在我的草坪上大小便時，你笑了。我可以繼續寫下去，但我不是一個小心眼的人。所以我寫這封信告訴你，你的房子著火了。

6 在現實生活中的社交媒體/Social Media in Real Life  

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. And it works. I already have three people following me—two police officers and a psychiatrist.

在新的一年我已經放棄了社交媒體，我試圖結交臉書之外的朋友而同時應用同樣的原則。每一天，我走在街上，告訴路人我吃過的東西，我的感覺，我昨晚做的事，我明天要做的事。然後我給他們看我家人的照片，我的狗的照片，和我的園藝的照片。我也聽他們的談話，然後告訴他們我愛他們。這樣做有了成效。我已經有三個人跟隨我了，兩名警察和一名精神病醫生。

所有跟帖： 

• The fire needs to be quenched, not let by letter -走馬讀人- ♂ (0 bytes) () 04/22/2016 postreply 18:18:37

• Yes, you are right. He is so angry with his neighbor~ 走馬讀人, ha -南山鬆- ♀ (99 bytes) () 04/22/2016 postreply 18:40:51

• 這句有點拗口，是否可譯成 -rancho2008- ♀ (375 bytes) () 04/22/2016 postreply 19:35:49

• 嗯,你說的有道理,我改了去.謝謝rancho2008 ,周末快樂! -南山鬆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 04/22/2016 postreply 20:38:45

• 謝謝鬆鬆。周末快樂！我不喜歡 social media. I think they are anti-social. -井龍和- ♂ (0 bytes) () 04/23/2016 postreply 07:59:19

• 有趣的見解. 問好井龍和, 周末快樂! -南山鬆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 04/23/2016 postreply 18:28:29

• 謝謝鬆鬆！最喜歡#2, 好象很多人際關係都是這樣。：-） -肖莊- ♀ (0 bytes) () 04/23/2016 postreply 23:17:41

• 嗯,有時男性和女性的思維、行為和習慣不一樣.問好肖莊, 新周快樂! -南山鬆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 04/24/2016 postreply 17:38:19

• I cannot help laughing when I read joke #6. -紫君- ♀ (155 bytes) () 04/25/2016 postreply 09:05:16

• Yes, #6 is really funny: ) Thanks 紫君, have a nice week! -南山鬆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 04/25/2016 postreply 17:41:18