College Essay係列（四十七）：2024 哈佛成功文書（2）

第二篇，Marcus 的《The Zoo》

As late afternoon sunlight danced on my shoulders, I squished my eight-year-old face against the glass of the outdoor tank, eyes wide and searching for any signs of life. There! I scrambled from where I was seated, chasing the flickering sight of my prize. The otter darted away from me, his lithe body disappearing into a crack in the stones. I slumped against the wall, disappointed. Ever the HR representative, my mother saw my face and asked me what was wrong. I explained my frustration with the otters -- they’re so fun to watch, but they refuse to be seen. My mother leaned down, brushing a long lock of hair out of my face, and told me, “Sometimes, the animals get tired of being watched. They just want to be left alone.”

I didn’t think much of the otters after that. Until I became one.

In October of my sophomore year, I was four months into my transition from female to male. I wasn’t out to my extended family, my wardrobe was a haphazard mess of cargo shorts and skirts, and my voice was still, to my distress, annoyingly high. Being transgender at Middleton High School was no small feat -- I stuck out in a sea of over 2,000 cisgender peers, and most of my teachers did not know how to deal with people “in my situation,” as one put it.

One day, as I walked to my bus after school, I heard snickers from behind me. I turned around and saw a rowdy group of boys. One had his phone up, recording me. Everyone was laughing, and in an instant I knew they were laughing at me. I turned and walked away, doing my best to conceal myself from their view. The laughter continued.

I was the star of a humiliating show that I never asked to be a part of. I had become the otter. Their laughs kept ringing in my ears as I sat alone on the bus. I wanted to crawl inside myself and implode rather than think about going back to face them again the next day. My phone kept buzzing, but I refused to check it. It was only when I arrived home and checked those messages that I found that the video had been posted across social media for hundreds of my peers to see. It seemed like nothing, just a video of me walking, turning, and looking away. But their laughs were clear in the background, and I still understood the point of the video -- look at the freak. Look at the new zoo exhibit.

Seeing that video, I realized that I couldn’t allow myself to turn into what they saw me as. They wanted an otter, a punching bag that wouldn’t fight back. I was not going to be their otter. The next day, I went to my first Sexuality and Gender Equality club meeting. I spoke to the administration about what had happened. I saved the video and showed people. I took control.

Maybe they'll never see me as an equal, but that is their blindness, not mine.

Those boys wanted me to believe that I was merely an exhibit to be laughed at, but now I know I live for greater things. I live for lattes, for courtroom closing arguments, for the pesto I make at work. I live for Black Lives Matter and #enough and Pride. I live for kayaking and summer camp, for the kids in SAGE and my younger sister. My classmates tried to dehumanize me, trample me, and mold me into their image of transgender people. Maybe they’ll never see me as an equal, but that is their blindness, not mine. I do not live on display. I do not live in a zoo.

 

這篇讀完，我就直接B封頂了，因為這一篇與2023的《Butterfly Identity》的故事和結構如出一轍，屬於常見題材常見寫法。雖然具有了比喻意義的otter、作者的transgender 、others’ laugh、report to admin、BLM #enough 和Pride結構上似乎完整，但這篇文書有明顯的欠考慮之處。

首先，動物園裏的otter並沒有被不公平的歧視、甚至bully。如果有的話，bully和歧視的施予方也隻能是作為觀賞者，且 “slam against wall”的作者本人。在構成故事的時候，作者在潛意識上缺乏敏感度，otter作為一個比喻的對象，在自己故事裏的合理之處是比較有限的。這裏有otter本身的原因，更有作者在技術上的原因。

其次，這篇故事的結尾落在自我覺醒和反抗中，把歧視的鍋，讓“those boys”永久地背著了。它所代表的負麵信息，其實也顯出作者本人在社會意識上的局限性。Middleton High School如果是這樣的狀況，那它就不配某年的Blue Ribbon、某某年的ESE、以及某某某年的Ranking了。

這篇，我最後能給的評分是C，除非有人覺得單憑Female2Male的主題也該給個B-。Harvard Crimson的編輯很可能沒有仔細讀過這些被推薦來的文書。否則，就不會犯這種”一將成名萬骨枯“式的邏輯錯誤。在著名大學校報空間裏貼文書，還是不要過分地盯在那張sponsor‘s check上。