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College Essay係列（四十四）：2023 達茅成功文書（3）

(2024-06-04 07:43:48) 下一個

前兩篇達茅文書鏈接：

2023達茅成功文書（1）

2023達茅成功文書（2）

今天接著談第三篇，《Red Cabin Taught Me》

They say home is where the heart is, and while my body is in Abington, Pennsylvania, my heart is always 350 miles north, tucked away in a rustic, red cabin along the shore of Messer Pond. As I memorize endless lists of Spanish verbs, revise dozens of rhetorical analysis essays, and calculate countless derivatives, my personal Walden is never far from my mind.

While I feel an emotional attachment to this cabin, its presence has also catalyzed an awakening within me. My daily life feels like a sprint with a finish line constantly moving farther away. An initial 100-yard dash lengthens into a 3-mile jog, which extends into a marathon. I ace a calculus test; I lose a field hockey game. I pass my driving test; I don't make varsity. Each success comes with its respective failure, yet I run faster. This cycle continues, and I increase my relentless, exhausting pace, only pausing when I recall my experiences at Messer Pond.

However hectic my schedule is, I always feel a sense of peace and fulfillment at the cabin. Whether I am kayaking, hiking, or swimming, I focus on the journey, not the finish line. Motivated by the cadence of the earth, I reach my destination: the neighbor's dock; the mountain's summit; the pond's island. In contrast to the cacophony of deadlines, commitments, and schedules, nature's rhythms are steady, calculated. Each beat complements another, creating a symphony of wind gusts, pond ripples, and dragonfly wings. The tempo shifts from easygoing to explorative to enigmatic, and I enjoy every verse.

The melody becomes more contemplative at night as I stare at the constellations and infinite galaxy above me. These stars, light years away, form animals, heroes, utensils. It is not my infinitesimal existence that occupies my mind as I gaze at this integral of the universe. Rather, in these moments, my perspective broadens. As I take in this tapestry, its all-encompassing nature amazes me. It contains every disagreement, from an argument between siblings to a battle between world powers; every birth, from a screaming baby to a newly independent nation; every brilliant mind, from Tolstoy to Newton. When a vast world offers so much to learn and experience, why should my inconsequential marathon occupy my mind?

Although I realize how minimal my existence is in this tapestry of the universe, I still want my thread to stand out. I must transform my beige strand into a golden fiber that illuminates and strengthens the fabric. I must continue my marathon. I must sprint every mile. I must persevere, not to achieve glorious recognition, but to create consequential change.

However, the cabin has taught me to focus beyond the finish line-I'm not sure if the finish line even exists. I now run to nature's pace, driven by the wind shaking the tree branches and the determined buzzing of worker bees. After adopting this new perspective, I am finally able to appreciate each moment. While this change did not happen all at once, I gradually found myself enjoying classes instead of feeling held captive by school bells and deadlines. An English assignment is a chance to explore interpretations of dystopia, not an item on my to-do list. Physics class is a time to enjoy problem-solving, not to focus on memorizing formulas. Each day brings a new viewpoint; an additional thread comes into focus as I appreciate more and more of the mysterious tapestry.

I hope to one day admire this work in all its glory, but I realize that thought is naive- the tapestry will never fully emerge from the shadows. Just as I will continue to learn and grow, the universe will evolve. I cannot learn everything or understand every perspective; I'll never finish this race. Yet, the journey is so enjoyable that I appreciate its endless essence.

Mile after mile, the marathon persists, and I'm finally glad to be running.

【凸某評三】

打開這篇首段，讀到Spanish verbs，rhetorical analysis, derivatives，你肯定想到了那兩篇同樣捆綁著classroom subjects的哈佛文《Backyard four corners》和《Colors of everything》，都是帶著係列的比喻捆綁。但這篇《Cabin》的classroom subjects不用喻，而是硬綁。這種感覺，初來是突兀，漸漸讀下去卻又感覺真實。無論誰，在木屋裏學習的時候，腦子裏都不會想到什麽成係列的比喻的。

第二段，讀到success and failure交互的時候，這篇Cabin文的最突出的優點，就開始顯現了，a sprint with a moving finish line。如今的每個高中生，還有正在讀著這篇的AO，誰都能感受到這裏的真實情緒。在名校長的research paper和名校生的business plan都充滿造假的年代，真實算不算個赤裸裸的優點？你說吧！

第三段，主題“beyond the finish line”出現。Beyond Finish Line，這就是成長，每個人都有的成長。但T10裏，如果沒有幾塊medal幾個x-th place，已經很少有人敢於直接拿它來表達自己。在一個到處是別人琳琅滿目的finish line的環境裏，能有這份beyond自信的不多吧？聽熟了的“友誼第一、比賽第二”邏輯你，這裏讀不出耳中起繭的虛偽，倒是似曾相識的熟悉感。

後麵的段落，請您各自讀吧。這篇裏，figurative language有，但不必多說了。我想說的，是最後這個結尾句,"I am glad to be running"挺幹脆利落地再次點題。給你一個新時代的文書技巧：要麽在起首，要麽在結尾，給一句話的入題或者點題，這樣讓頭大了的AO能有心情欣賞你的文書故事。

如果要改，開篇“They say home is where the heart is, and while my body is in Abington, Pennsylvania, my heart is always 350 miles north, tucked away in a rustic, red cabin along the shore of Messer Pond”太長了，改成“My body is in Abington, Pennsylvania, but my heart is always in a rustic, red cabin, tucked 350 miles north ashore Messer Pond”。

• 這篇有點太虛化了，不適合用來介紹自己。就主題來說，有些太空洞。B+ -avw- ♀ (0 bytes) (8 reads) 06/04/2024 postreply 07:49:13