College Essay係列（三十七）：芝大 小文書 Why Chicago（3）

 

 

 

 

芝大 小文書 (3)

 

 

凸某的雙11是慘淡的。這，不隻是因為我不網購。還有就是，我簡單地隻喜歡寫。慘淡的點擊率告訴我，我簡單的文字，就別跟雙11的搶流量了。可我隻喜歡寫。

 

在上兩篇芝大小文書（Why Chicago）裏，我們講了加州白人女孩India的小文，那是一篇OK文，讀得出Ctrl-C/V的模版感；還講了加州白人男孩Ricky的翻盤小文書"Why UChicago"，讀得出他強烈的Spike。

今天，我們來看一篇自伊州的女孩Emily的Why Chicago。我昨天預告說，這一篇會讓你們更更更懂的：

 

Emily Dow

Class 2024

Major Econ Psyc

York Comm High， IL

Demo: 

large size public school
Stats: 

GPA4.0/4.93, SAT1570, Rank 1%

11APs

ECs: 

Nat'l Semifinalist Euro Challenge, 

Principal Cellist ILMEA 9-12, 

EYSO, 

Speech Co-captain, 

NFP Law Firm Intern 

Peer Tutoring, 

CA Essay: 

Failure to enter state speech in Jr.

At UChicago:

2021 Small Business Consultant at Polsky Center of UChicago

2022 Consulting Intern for Vindelici Advisors AG

2023-24 Intern & Fulltime for McKinsey

 

作者是伊州白人女孩 Emily。高標、高G申請芝大。下麵看看她的Why Chicago

 

The minute I got home from school, the first thing I think about coffee. Should I make my signature oat meal latte or pass on the late afternoon caffeine so that I can actually sleep? You guess it. I usually succumb to the enticing aroma and flavor of my favorite beverage.

One unique afternoon, a postcard caught my attention with vivid descriptions of UChicago’s 14 coffee shops. Intrigued, I felt that any school that makes daily dilemma a little more palatable must be the school for me. If I am accepted to Chicago, I plan to visit every one of those 14 coffee shops during my first two weeks. In between analyzing the ambiance, people, music, décor, and of course the coffee, I will be plenty busy talking the advantage of all the other opportunities that UChicago provides.

The University of Chicago curriculum presents perfect combination of liberal arts education and research, which I plan to explore primarily as an economics and math student. Economics allows me to exercise both my creative side, which manifests in writing and real-world problem solving, and my analytical side through quantitative research. With its dual focus on scientific and mathematical methodologies and on public policy, UChicago’s economics department stands alone. I hope to explore economics by joining cohorts and topics from central banking to game theory and participate the econometrics game to challenge my data analysis and presentation skills.

The Becker Friedman Institute’s research initiatives will inspire me to connect with professors and graduate students across academic disciplines. For example, I’m interested in Professor List’s Chicago Experiments Initiative, which applies experimental methods to the study of economic behavior right here at Chicago. Additionally, personalized career advisors and the prospect of Metcalf Internship will allow me to discover where my interests intersect real world problems and lead to a fulfilling career in the vibrant space of Chicago and beyond.

While I will focus my studies on economics and mathematics, I’m enticed by UChicago’s dedication to instilling a wide breadth of knowledge. I’ve considered topics ranging from political science to chemistry to music. UChicago’s core curriculum values all of these equally. Another exciting part of the interdisciplinary curriculum is the Big Problem Series. Inequality origins dimensions and policy is development sustainable. And from neo-liberalism to neo-imperialism can buy my interest in economics and public policy to identify complex problems and innovative solutions.

I am also drawn to UChicago’s teaching philosophy which matches my learning style. Instead of measuring progress simply by quantity of information transmitted, UChicago values discussion, writing, and research as life skills. The classes in high school that challenged and intrigued me most were based on primary source analysis and proof-based theory, which are methods emphasized within UChicago’s Core. I look forward to making intellectual connections that will impact my views on campus and in life through the stimulation of solving problems with a diverse student body.

Along with its emphasis on discussion-based academics, UChicago’s devotion to free expression and intellectual diversity is unique. From my volunteer work at Citizen Advocacy Center creating a citizen guide that analyzed local procedures on public protest to my tackling the political polarization induced by free speech debates on college campuses for an English research essay, I have been fascinated by the integration of first amendment rights into life. And how that impacts political and social environment. Unlike many elite colleges, the University of Chicago’s political culture is truly a melting pot of ideas, both in and out of the classroom.

Finally, I feared that college would mean choosing between academics and music, but UChicago will allow me to expand my artistic pursuits in a truly unique manner by emphasizing both the performance and academic study of music. As cellist, I look forward to playing in the university symphony orchestra and chamber groups, taking lessons from CSO musicians and combining music with other art forms. Unlike many schools, UChicago provides these opportunities equally to all majors, and blurs the lines between music and academics through an intellectual approach to music.

One of my most meaningful extracurriculars is the Elder Youth Symphony Orchestra conduct by UChicago’s own Matthew Shepard. While we perform technically demanding works such as Bartok’s concerto for orchestra and Shostakovich symphony #1, the organization also challenge me to think music intellectually. Connecting music, for example, to nature, literature, and movement. Formal rehearsals comprised of Socratic style discussions, ranging from what defines organism to historical implications of soviet communism, have instilled me an appreciation for connections between music and society. Professor Supakowski’s music and mind course bears a powerful to my EYSO studies. UChicago is the only school that will allow me to expand on this academic approach to music, where nothing is black and white. And the process of thinking is valued just as highly that of performing.

Outside the intellectual benefits， UChicago will enable me to pursue, I look forward to connecting with others in a vibrant community nowhere else. By fostering arts outreach in a culturally diverse community and pioneering social change through economic investment, UChicago provides a place where I will develop my passion for exploring the unknown. With a group of people who value building on each other at UChicago, the inspiration of a postcard and a simple sip of coffee can lead me to meet the mad scientist of Plein Air Café, discover exactly what makes grounds of being so divine, and conduct some experiments in Quantum Café to engineer a perfect cup of coffee.

 

 

技術指標：

Structure：Loop-Trio

1) Core/學術

2) Teaching/學術

3) Music/課外

WordCount=917

Density=0.56

 

這篇914字的Why Chicago，OMG！這不是一般的小文書，滿屏的熱情，你體會到了嗎？

這篇出自作者口述的文字太長，我隻好替她分段了。所以，以上的分段狀態不一定忠實原文。

結構上，Emily的這篇Why Chicago也是三個部分，課程內容、教育理念和方法、課外活動。讀到這裏，你們仿佛懂了，Why School是不是最好談三個方麵呀？答案是肯定的。Duo太少，Quinto太多，Trio正好。甚至連AP Lit或者SAT Essay部分，都是Trio最好的。

但Emily這篇的Trio結構，比前麵兩篇卻又更勝一籌。原因在於這三項的選擇和排序，非常符合人的認知潛意識邏輯。潛意識邏輯是什麽鬼？上過我的閱讀課的人都聽得懂這個。

比較一下三篇的內容排布，Emily的讀起來就感覺順暢，因為她選了兩個學術方麵的點和一個學術之外的點來談Why Chicago。這符合主客維度的邏輯，無論你認為學術主觀、課外客觀，還是學術客觀、學術主觀，把內容主客分開，這樣的選點讓你的表達自帶完整性又沒有廢話。這種對事物的分析結構，就是邏輯上常說的MECE（Mutually Exclusive Collectively Exhaustive）。

再來看學術內部的兩項，一項是課程，另一項是教法，這在精細層麵上也是MECE的，你應該看得出來內容屬客觀而教法屬主觀（反之，亦可）。這種思維邏輯下，她表達得順暢，我們讀得舒服，潛意識邏輯都是生來如此。

如果你聽說過McKinsey（麥肯錫），就肯定也知道MECE。這也是那本叫《麥肯錫方法》的暢銷書裏所講的東東啊。你再看看Emily的LinkedIn，不是正在麥肯錫發財嗎？17歲的高中生，就自然地MECE思考。這種思維能力，你學會了嗎？

這篇的其他好處，我不說你都會評論了吧。Postcard，14 café，Plein Air Café, Quantum Café, Sci-Math，Central banking，Game Theory，Friedman，Professor List，CEI，Metcalf Internship，BPS，Primary Source Analysis，Proof-based，Neo-liberalism，Neo-imperialism，Free Expression，CSO，EYSO，Academic Study of Music，Shepard，Socratic Style，Supakowski，不完全列表就有22項，完成稱得起900的字數。如果從內容的density指標來看，a whopping 0.56欸。又是遠超其他兩篇了吧。

不知道什麽叫density的讀者，請私信我了解吧。這是朽石君在指導學生作小文的時候發明的一個技術參考值罷了。讓理工男研究文科性內容，純技術含量就是實現可複製性成功的關鍵啊。

讓我們再來回顧一下三篇Why Chicago的技術參數比較：

最後還有一點更具技術性的結構特點，讓這篇超長的文字的可記憶性超強。那就是它從Coffee開始，以Coffee結束，當讀者讀到這裏，他們的潛意識又被拉回到開篇的場景，不由自主地又可以從頭回憶起一些印象深刻的細節。這種以情節元素做前後呼應的寫法，在小文書裏實屬罕見。你學會了嗎？