College Essay係列（三十二）：Waitlist 文書 之 Williams 和 Vanderbilt

以前出過一個叫《Hardly Essay》的係列，包括七篇經Waitlist轉正的主文書：

（1）Princeton的WL,韓裔女生的Art as Indentity文書。

 

（2）Harvard的WL，華裔女生的YouTube for Identity文書。

 

（3）Princeton的WL,華裔男生的Photogrophy Interest文書。

 

（4）MIT的WL,白人女生的Engaging Art with Science文書。

 

（5）UPenn的WL，白人女生的Teaching in Differences文書。

 

後麵還有兩篇，這篇一起上了。暑假開始，給即將開始動筆的娃們加點料。

 

（6）Williams的WL，華裔女生的Thanking Parents from Daughter感人文書。

 

（7）Vandy的WL，白人女生的Perfectionist's Obstacle文書。

 

Hardly Essay的質量優良，但卻不足以一舉命中。有時候，學習Hardly Essays,比學習爆款文書還要重要，因為它們能為你指出那些你自己正在犯的錯。

它們的更珍貴，是因為被Po出來的這類文書太少了。

 

 

華裔女生的Williams-WL Essay：

Jenny Zhang on Questbridge

Brown-ED/R; Swarthmore-RD/A; Williams-RD/WL; Amherst-RD/A; Vandy-RD/WL; USC-RD/R; Duke-RD/R; Harvard-RD/R; Princeton-RD/R; Yale-RD/R; Cornell-RD/R; Columbia-RD/R; UPenn-RD/A

Prompt: Challenge/Growth

 

To my dedicated and sacrificial parents,

Life for you must’ve been hard, starting afresh with only a vague plan for a better life.

Did having Joseph two years before me prepare you adequately for me? I was such a sassy, expensive baby, and wow, am I an ugly crier.

It must’ve been tough putting up with my tantrums over not having my food groups touch when we barely made enough to put the food there in the first place. I mean, mixing Chinese and Korean dishes accidentally is alright guess, but that was such an insensitive habit for you to endure. It must’ve been hard when you both came home after working long hours, and I’d whine until we played one more game of hide-and-seek.

Dang, I remember when Dad was working a double night shift and I threw a fit over some vegetables while he was sleeping, and he came out to yell at me and Joseph. I remember getting really angry at you, but now I realize how inconsiderate I was.

I remember when Joshua was born, two days before my eighth birthday, no one was home to celebrate with me; I remember resenting him and the family for it. I remember thjat I basically raised Joshua when Mom was gone: changing his diapers, showering him, and reading him to sleep, while at the same time trying to fit in the activities Mom wanted Joseph and me to do. Extra prep book work. Chinese school on Saturdays. Korean school on Sundays. Whatever else, I guess.

It annoyed me that, despite my skill on the piano outgrowing Mom’s skill as her primitive knowledge in the instrument wasn’t enough to teach me to be good on the instrument, she’d continue to lecture me and give me what I felt like underserved and unprofessional tips mostly consisting of “put more soul into it.”

Wow, was I a bratty and selfish princess, but once high school came around, I think that this time was when I was finally able to pick up after myself. I became smarter or so I’d like to think (I know…still questionable), but I kept forcing myself into Joseph’s shoes of a reclusive intellectual — I joined all the STEM clubs that he joined like Science Olympiad and competed in events that he competed in because I guess, deep down, I just wanted to be better than him. Yikes, but at least this was when I really started to mature.

I started to competing in Disease Detectives because I thought that I loved epidemiology, but I soon realized that I am not someone who wants to study the disease itself. Rather, I want to focus on how the disease affects people — how infectious disease affected the economy, daily habits, and culture of society. I want a wider perspective of the entire world, not just a micro-perspective limited to the individual.

I think I patterned my definition of success too much on what Joseph did, because what everyone told me was what success seemed like, but now I know that being successful isn’t relegated to academic performance or knowing facts I don’t need to be academically smart to achieve success; I define success as utilizing my personality to build a cohesive community.

I learned this when I woke up at five in the morning to hand out water bottles for the Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Walk in the pouring rain and talked to the survivors who were pouring forth their stories. I’ve tried it his and your way — I’ve tried to be the walking calculator or human encyclopedia that just spits out facts, but I couldn’t. Its not Jennifer. I am not just academically smart, I am people-smart.

I don’t hesitate to give back to the community around me and abroad. I’m always looking for an opportunity to donate my time and energy to those less fortunate than me. I can’t help but to prioritize other before myself. I love people — humanity. That’s my success.

I know you’re doing the best you can for us, especially for me, the princess of the household. Looking back, I was taught to mature quickly. I found my love of children after all those years of babysitting. I gained self-confidence and I eventually grew. I grew into crescent-eyed smiler you see today. The free-spirited dreamer. The spontaneous traveler. The talkative entertainer. The powerful fighter.

I’m sorry for being the reckless child who took you for granted. I’m sorry for resenting you for giving me such a rough childhood. All you wanted was a better life for me — for all your children. YOU exceeded the “American Dream.”

I know I dodn’t say “thank you” enough and I never will. There aren’t enough “thank you.” All I can say is…

I love you.

Your precious daughter.

【凸子評語】

這可真是一篇感人的文章。這種感人的文章，我找不出不好的地方。

不僅我喜歡。讀過的網友，也好多都是內牛滿麵的。

那為什麽Williams給了WL呢？因為各校對Questbridge的政策，都是配額製度的。雖然每年並不確定某個數量，但還是規定了一個數字範圍的。招到這個範圍的人數，招生辦就算是完成任務了。

這個邏輯裏，申請者除了拚慘，就是拚運氣。本文的作者運氣也挺好。不過，人家沒接Williams的轉正。而是去了UPenn了。

但是，這篇可不能作為你們的範本的哦。一是Questbridge不是多數人的通道，二是模仿來的故事也不可能感人。

能感人的，必須是你自己的東西。自古文章皆是如此。

 

白人女生的Vanderbilt-WL Essay

Jackie Rhoads

Vandy-RD/WL/A; Harvard-RD/WL; UPenn-RD/WL; Cornell-RD/WL; Georgetown-RD/WL

Prompt: Obstacle/Later Success

Tossing and turning all night long, dreaming of princess magic visions of fireworks sparking above Cinderella’s castle filled me night. My alarm sounded and, as I opened my eyes reluctantly registering the time on the clock, I allowed the Magic Kingdom to drift away. I knew I couldn’t stay in bed dreaming all day. I had to get up to and get to work. Our family trip to Disney World was only three weeks away.

As you see, I am a huge Disney fan. I opened my Disney World App as I did daily and studied wait time for redlines. In my notebook I recorded the morning’s results scanning for patterns in a matter of days I would begin my usual routine opening an excel sheet I’d titled Disney Schedule and labeling the rows by day and the columns by time activities and location. Throughout our trip, I would adjust the spreadsheet, noting closings and any changes in wait times. In my view, I had the ability to break our leisure time down to a science.

From the time I was small, I’ve had a strong desire to squeeze the most out of every positive experience, whether in school theatre singing or visiting the Magic Kingdom. I approached things I loved most by studying their parts, analyzing each aspect as I aim to use my intellect to expand my joy.

Sometimes, my analytical nature and ambition did bring success. As a freshman, I was cut from my first-year production from the afterschool choir group. I remember feeling so defeated, but quickly reverted to my methodology of choice, considering the performances of my peers had succeeded and charting out critical steps to my desired outcome. I practiced dancing, acting, and singing. I studied different components of voice, until I understood the adjustment I need to make to improve. With my effort and determination, I was soon cast in the more competitive spring musical as well as the selective choir group.

But coming to junior year I was repeatedly disappointed with Callas. Why wasn’t I getting the parts for which I strived? I followed the tried-and-true course, charted steps to success, but was only finding frustration and disappointment.

Determined to break the cycle, I met with my theatre teacher to ask why I was felling short. In his words, I was stuck in my own head analyzing each aspect of my auditions and consequently letting go my character. I kept emphasizing my willingness to make changes, but, to my dismay, there was nothing explicit that I could do. No set-in-certain plan.

My break instead came in the form of realization that I had to let go my analytical side and pursue passion with abandoned not a road map. Determined, I occupied the skin of the character and trusted I could succeed without the voice in my head discepting every action.

In the fall show of my senior year, Disney’s Newsies, I resolved to let go to feel my way to the role and express the character’s emotions in my own voice. It took good three years but I was cast as the leading female role. I have always defined myself through my instinctive optimism, my desire to see magic and glitter in life. Yet I come to realize that a tendency to try to analyze and master situations to attempt to maximize the good will always be a part of me too. My challenge is to seek balance to know the lions but to allow myself to feel and live the part.

As I step forward into my future, eager to embrace a role that both magical and practical, I will build a strong foundation from hard work and focus, but allow myself to step back and breathe and enjoy the ride.

【凸子評語】

這是一篇超級WL的範本。說超級，是因為所有她申請的頂尖校都給了她WL，包括哈佛、賓大、康奈爾、喬治城和範德堡。最後是範德堡給她轉正了。

來說說這篇的好處。文字流暢，故事走線清晰，從自身長期養成的優點Analytical出發，引出Theatre活動中的Obstacle，在障礙的克服中學到step back，最後得出主題both art and science，既magical又practical。很好！

但還是不夠好。

對於H、甚至大多數學校來說，這一類追求完美主義的跌倒、再站起的故事，是高度重複性的。重複，不僅在於主題，還在於故事的細節。這不，去年早申前，我又著筆改過一篇這樣的故事。

音樂啊，完美主義啊，退一步吧。隻讀一篇的話，你覺得 success waits in one’s backyard。對於讀完半個申請季的AO來說，那些從極致追求中學會“退一步海闊天空”的wisdom或者“寧為玉碎不為瓦全”的ethic的故事，讓AO們覺得 success must have flooded so many backyards。

明年？Again。後年？And again。

這篇作者，最後還是收獲了Vandy的轉正，但這完全在於她自己對Vandy的持續熱情。即使換成JHU，都不會那麽幸運的。Vandy在2021-22年轉正了181個WL，而JHU僅有2個轉正的。