College Essay 係列 (二十六)：Hardly Essay (2) 哈佛 WL文書

華裔女生的《YouTube, My Background, Community, and Success》哈佛WL文書

I don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all approach. As a child, I was ingrained with a fixed image of success. My elder siblings typified this with their straight A’s, trophies, and certificates, which my stereotypical Asian Parents reinforced with praises and rewards.

For me, however, success was always a moving target. The idea of a fixed goal, especially one determined by others, clashed with my own instinct that measures of success should be unique to each individual and aligned one’s distinct set of values.

I realized at an early age that the targets I set changed along with my interests and discoveries. In third grade, my sister introduced me to Girlsense, an online dress up game that became my afterschool obsession. I spent hours designing clothing lines, from grungy streetwear to chic apparel.

When Girlsense shut down, I enrolled in a graphic design class as my platform to express the wildest creations my imagination had to offer. I lost myself in my ability to manipulate reality in Photoshop as I edited my skin color to Avatar blue, and eyes to reflect galaxies. In both avenues, I felt invigorated by the freedom of experimentation.

The creativity I pursued was uniquely personal, there was not clear-cut standard for “success.” For once, I could not be quantitatively ranked as superior or inferior to anyone else. I embrace this escape.

When I stumbled across code, I discovered a new dimension wherein I could wield my creativity. I realized the pre-packaged software I was previously accustomed to (Girlsense/Photoshop) was less flexible than customized alternatives. They were merely programs. The true power came from the underlying scripts and subroutines — the building blocks that created these programs.

With a similar spirit, I aspired to create something that would enable people to express themselves fully. I started my YouTube channel, Alohakatiex, to share the thrill of creativity with others through self-taught directing, filming, and editing. I turned my ideas into video realities that others could enjoy.

Awkward personal experiences inspired relatable comedics skits, while hateful online comments led way to candid advice sessions on how to deal with bullies. My videos resonated with thousands globally and opened my eyes to a sphere of influence I never imagine I could possess.

The first time a viewer called me her role model, my heart swelled. When I received an email from a mother saying, “My daughter draws strength and inspiration from you,” I was struck with a newfound awareness that I was contributing to something larger than myself.

As a society, we gravitate towards order by creating arbitrary measurements whether they are grades, awards, or rankings. While I concede these measures have merit for gauging one’s relative standing, there is also a limit to which they should be valued.

To me, what’s more important is that we champion causes that we believe in and base our successes on the degree of impact we make. Even though I can’t reach to a million people right now, I know that I have impacted the lives of hundreds in a way that can’t be quantified.

Today, my mission is to convert my vulnerabilities into experiences that others can learn and gain inspiration from. Alohakatiex became a space where others learned to let go of their insecurities and find refuge in creativity just as I had. Creativity was an amorphous power that I had previously only used to express myself. Now I was using it to cultivate a community that uplifted one another.

Looking on to college, I will carry creativity like the camera around my neck. I may change the lens to form fresh perspectives in new settings, and attach a RODE mic to amplify my messages to mu college community and beyond. But throughout my journey, my creative spirit — the body of my camera — will remain at my core.

 

按慣例，先說好聽的。

這篇文書文字上乘。從欣賞的角度去讀，我也很喜歡讀這篇。這篇值得學習的詞匯有： grungy，stumble，wield，thrill，amorphous。還有值得學習的喻用詞匯有：ingrain，escape，merit。

另一方麵，這篇的主題看得出來是比較典型的複合價值申請文書。從fighting against stereotype引出creativity，再從fighting online bully進入altruism價值，這些內容都合理的組合在一起，給了哈佛AO他們想要的錄取元素。

但是，既有文字又有主訴價值的故事，為什麽也隻是一篇WL的文書呢？

第一點，自身經曆的fighting Asian stereotype和helping others fighting bully，這是一組不明確的搭配。一個是家庭對個人的態度（重成績輕個性），另一個是社會對個人的態度（霸淩）。一個是希望你變得更好但方向錯了，另一個則是就要你變得更糟糕。這兩個概念之間沒有足夠的情感關聯。當讀者讀到這兩點後，他們在潛意識上不會產生強烈的同情，也就缺少對作者的好感。

第二點，在Creativity和Altruism這兩個主訴價值上，缺乏深挖的情節點綴，而是流於statement式的闡述，這不足以喚起讀者的sympathy和empathy。拍視頻被簡單地聯係到creativity，但那是什麽視頻呢？ Altruism有個viewer comment的例子，但隻是感動卻沒有具體到那條視頻上。文中以簡單的category 詞匯awkward personal experience來描述這些視頻，是行文粗糙的表現。

第三點，結尾處出現的Camera，讀起來像是一個突兀的故事元素。本來，這個故事如果以Camera作為主線，並借助它來表現作者的Creativity和Altruism的話，這很可能是一篇頂級的文書結構了。Camera一定是作者寫作過程中的某刻靈感閃現，它說明作者寫作的思維能力已經進入了很好的文字意境中。她缺乏更合理低組織這些創作元素的能力；而很多情況下，隻是去粗取精的過程。

無論如何，本篇的作者都已經與那些言之無物的文書的作者之間分出高下了。這，就是她在WL後，仍然能被錄取的理由。