College Essay 係列 (二十四)：主題藤文My Channel

這是一篇2022年的爬藤文書。作者是一位就讀公立磁校的亞裔男生。

先來讀讀文章：

《My Channel My Community》

（1）Hours deep into battle with the legendary beast, a highly torqued berserker known as the Crankshaft Pulley Bolt, my arms plead for respite, but my holy spear Rhongomyniad, a polished steel breaker bar, refuses to penetrate the at-minimum 500 foot-pound tetanic aegis that is the scorched coating of rust on the bolt. Sprays of WD-40 seem only to temper the bolt, like the enchanted Sword of Gryffindor growing stronger with exposure to poison. I reach for my spell breaker, a DeWalt impact driver, set to max, I am a warrior, and I do not intend to hold back. Like Excalibur, I wrench the bolt from its threaded asylum.

（2）Extracting my treasure, I turn to the camera and flash a toothy grin. “I'm Aiman, and I just showed you how to remove this stubborn crankshaft pulley bolt! Thanks for watching!" I am no King Arthur- rather, I am starring in a YouTube video, teaching viewers how to service their cars. In other videos, I would show them how to cultivate marvelous gardens, prepare ambrosial traditional Malaysian dishes, or construct formidable wooden edifices. I may not be a hero or legend, but each of my videos feels like an enthralling fable, a pan of a quest for learning that I have been journeying on since before I can remember.

（3）I started my YouTube channel, E******n, when I was in third grade. My dad picked up on my knavish proclivity towards stealing his phone to film random videos of myself, so he helped set up a YouTube channel for me. My first few videos were blurry vlogs, origami tutorials, and Pokémon Trading Card Game guides, and I presented as clumsy, awkward, and aimless. Back then, my channel was just something to mess around with, but over the next few years, E******n became an integral part of my identity.

（4）I cherish E******n as my community's Great Library of Alexandria. In vlogs, we preserve our cultural heritage, immortalize memories of our gatherings, campouts, and parties, and share our Malaysian traditions with others. I will always remember the video where my friends attempted to speak Malay, and we all tried to say, "Aww! Kucing telah mencakar saya!" which meant, “Oww! The cat just scratched me!" My sister and I will always remember the video where we sampled the Malaysian King of Fruits, durian, and had fun agonizing over its terrible taste, and I am grateful for the fact that no matter where my siblings or friends go in life, we can always find our roots through the videos we saved on E******n.

（5）Our Malaysian community has always been there for my family. When my dad lost his job, my parents were stretched thinly, emotionally and financially, to support seven children. My siblings could not afford books for studying, could not attain Up-to-date technology, and could not pursue their passions for music or sports. We could barely afford food and clothing, and we would have lost the house without the generosity of family friends who donated clothes, money, and time to support us. I will never forget their kindness, and I owe it to my community to reciprocate that same kindness to others.

（6）Through E******n, I want to share myself with others: I want to honor my stalwart community, show people my life Experiences, and make those experiences more accessible to others. Nowadays, I use the filmmaking skills I developed through E******n to create videos for the Yale Peabody Museum of Natural History to expose younger audiences to science topics ranging from geology to invertebrate paleontology, and in the future, I hope to continue bringing E******n with me wherever I go. I want to continue Helping, educating, and inspiring people, because while we may not be heroes of prophecy slaying Crankshaft Pulley Bolts left and right. everyone has fought their own battles, everyone has conquered their own beasts, and everyone has an important story to tell.

++++++++++以下是網友回複猜測+++++++++++

• 你被那個 MIT 韓裔小哥抱怨啦！ -run2022- ♂   (232 bytes) (184 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:23:15

• 第一印象文章一般般啊…… S？ S最不容易預測。如果說他掃了的話一定不是因為作文。我的兩分錢 -60MPH- ♀   (0 bytes) (9 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:29:28

• S難預測，在我們這裏收的兩次都是一般普通女娃，去年還行收了小中男 -bobpainting- ♀   (0 bytes) (20 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:57:44

• 既然是first generation的話，應該橫掃了吧。 -phoenix05- ♀   (0 bytes) (9 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:33:23

• 他說first generation American, 不是first generation college. -60MPH- ♀   (0 bytes) (4 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:50:46

• 不錯的文章！隻是大多華人娃難得有這種經曆，7娃家太少見了^_^ -小牛媽-- ♀   (0 bytes) (6 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:52:00

• 猜測哈佛，耶魯，哥大 錄取 -bobpainting- ♀   (0 bytes) (10 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 21:53:12

• H, Yale? -smilingheart- ♀   (0 bytes) (4 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 22:10:00

• 橫掃了吧。。。 -水清沙白- ♀   (0 bytes) (5 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 22:17:52

• 這個stats應該是 -米湯- ♂    (0 bytes) (49 reads) 11/30/2022 postreply 22:36:12

• 隻看essays沒法判斷。對一些人來說，隻要essays不出差錯可能就足夠，況且最後 -Numero- ♀    (231 bytes) (112 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 04:00:06

• 同意。不可能僅憑essay錄取學生 -ahawater- ♀   (0 bytes) (1 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 06:42:48

• 憑這essay，我就不錄他 -avw- ♀   (0 bytes) (0 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 06:49:12

• 同意， 大部分被錄取的就是文書沒拖後腿 不出錯的狀態。 和推薦信一樣 -XIAXIA36082- ♀   (0 bytes) (1 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 07:08:20

• 猜S,Y,D -曉曦- ♀   (0 bytes) (1 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 04:20:00

• 前兩段寫的很好， 但是後麵幾段就一般了， 兩個人寫的？ LOL -jingzhumama- ♀    (0 bytes) (3 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 05:46:12

• 前兩段是大學文科生寫的，後三段是家長寫的 -avw- ♀   (0 bytes) (0 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 06:56:08

• 這個essay就是BS。訴苦不要說沒衣服穿。鄙視下這為人 -avw- ♀   (0 bytes) (1 reads) 12/01/2022 postreply 06:48:12

++++++++++申請結果揭曉+++++++++

Harvard-A，Stanford-A，Yale-A，Princeton-WL，UPenn-WL，Columbia-R,  Brown-R,  Dartmouth-R,  Cornell-R

+++++++++++ Stats 和ECs +++++++++

Demographics: Malaysian American (Muslim), 1st Generation American.

Stats: UWGPA-4.23 (4.0), Valedictorian SAT-1580 ACT-36, 7 APs (5-5s and 2-4s).

ECs: Interpreter museum, class President, YouTuber, President math club, VP urban research club, Member science fair, Member debate club, Designer yearbook.

Awards: Yale Book Award, NMS semifinal, Raytheon Excellence Award, AP Scholar.

+++++++++++ 簡評文章 +++++++++

這篇文章讀後感：

1. 開篇Handyman的情節，很少見，Surprise。上一次我讀到這個類型的情節，還是五年前在紐約時報的年度College Essay裏，一個威州大的女生從小跟父親一起HVAC的經曆。首段豐富的比喻，用詞生鮮。當AO認真讀第一段的時候，他們會認為Handy主題繼續發展下去，這已經可以預期到是一篇很好的Essay。這一段的讀感是Surprise.

2. 第二段， I 進入攝像頭，用詞繼續生鮮。從Car Service 轉到 YouTube，在加上自製馬來餐，讓主題內容豐富了。但是，主題豐富給讀者的潛意識，是他在轉移。第二段雖然還不至於說出有什麽不好，但讀者潛意識的預期跟著會變了。Handyman的驚喜感，對Malay這個少數族裔文化感，並不產生直接的潛意識Synergy。這一段的讀感是Dilution和URM Target.

3. 第三段，flashback 自己油管頻道的初始。偶然的開始，整段都沒有讀出前兩段裏的handy和Malay內容元素，讀這段文字的感覺，幾乎就是要浪費一段了，然後在最後幾個字上提出identity來。讀者的潛意識自然落在Malay，第一段的handy就被潛意識忘了，雖然在意識裏還有。這一段的讀感是nothing.

4. 第四段，進入community的敘述。Parties，家人，朋友。有Malay Food，但隻是Taste，第二段的Cooking 元素並沒有發展了。留下唯一的Malay，是可以和前段有關的概念。引號裏加的一句馬來語，是個少數裔文書常用手法。這段的讀感是 softly Malay。

5. 第五段，用Adversity和Gratuity，進一步發展Community的主題。讀者到這裏的潛意識，被文章一個又一個的概念擠進擠出，handy--youtube--cooking--Malay--identity-community--adversity--? 讀者的一個個期待，被作者忽略和轉移實現，那麽接下去你還能期待什麽？你也不知道該想啥了。潛意識：硬著頭皮讀下去吧。

6. 第六段，用video回饋Community了，讓信息accessible。Yale Peabody 這是在強 cue Yale，因為這個跟Malay Community沒有直接關係。Community給了我Youtube素材，我從Youtube學會skill，用這個Skill幫助Yale Peabody。這在讀者潛意識裏，不像是回饋原來的Community，倒像是在拍Community以外的Yale馬屁。

這一篇，不是Winning Essay。即使Stats足夠，但挑剔的中小藤都沒錄他。而大藤裏的HYS，收到的申請裏如本篇作者這樣URM背景且足夠實力的人很少。需要，就產生錄取。所以，HYS錄了，P也WL了。