College Essay 係列 (二十一) ：新主題文書贏史大2021

頂級文書の2021鮮題贏史大

今天來看一篇2021年的斯坦福+NYT獲獎文書。這篇文書的特點是主題出彩。除了為作者拿下史大的錄取外，這篇文書還一句能拿下2021年紐約時報的College Essays On Money征文大賽的頭名大獎。這個大學申請征文比賽從2013年開始舉辦以來，每年公布五篇大獎。我給學生的20年文書集錦中，也收錄不少此中的獲獎文書。好，我們先來讀一下這篇文書。

The Stand-up Mom

By Zoya Garg, Stanford'25, New York — Bronx High School of Science

My mom finds a baffling delight from drinking from glass, hotel-grade water dispensers. Even when three-day-old lemon rinds float in stale water, drinking from the dispenser remains luxurious. Last year for her birthday, I saved enough to buy a water dispenser for our kitchen counter. However, instead of water, I filled it with handwritten notes encouraging her to chase her dreams of a career.

As I grew older, I noticed that my mom yearned to pursue her passions and to make her own money. She spent years as a stay-at-home mom and limited our household chores as much as she could, taking the burden upon herself so that my brothers and I could focus on our education. However, I could tell from her curiosity of and attitudes toward working women that she envied their financial freedom and the self-esteem that must come with it. When I asked her about working again, she would tell me to focus on achieving the American dream that I knew she had once dreamed for herself.

For years, I watched her effortlessly light up conversations with both strangers and family. Her empathy and ability to understand the needs, wants and struggles of a diverse group of people empowered her to reach the hearts of every person at a dinner table, even when the story itself did not apply to them at all. She could make anyone laugh, and I wanted her to be paid for it. “Mom, have you ever thought about being a stand-up comedian?”

She laughed at the idea, but then she started wondering aloud about what she would joke about and how comedy shows were booked. As she began dreaming of a comedy career, the reality of her current life as a stay-at-home mom sank in. She began to cry and told me it was too late for her. I could not bear to watch her struggle between ambition and doubt.

Her birthday was coming up. Although I had already bought her a present, I realized what I actually wanted to give her was the strength to finally put herself first and to take a chance. I placed little notes of encouragement inside the water dispenser. I asked my family and her closest friends to do the same. These friends told her other friends, and eventually I had grown a network of supporters who emailed me their admiration for my mom. From these emails, I hand wrote 146 notes, crediting all of these supporters that also believed in my mom. Some provided me with sentences, others with five-paragraph-long essays. Yet, each note was an iteration of the same sentiment: “You are hilarious, full of life, and ready to take on the stage.”

On the day of her birthday, my mom unwrapped my oddly shaped present and saw the water dispenser I bought her. She was not surprised, as she had hinted at it for many years. But then as she kept unwrapping, she saw that inside the dispenser there were these little notes that filled the whole thing. As she kept picking out and reading the notes, I could tell she was starting to believe what they said. She started to weep with her hands full of notes. She could not believe the support was real, that everyone knew she had a special gift and believed in her.

Within two months, my mom performed her first set in a New York comedy club. Within a year, my mom booked a monthly headlining show at the nation's premier comedy club.

I am not sure what happened to the water dispenser. But I have read the notes with my mom countless times. They are framed and line the walls of her new office space that she rented with the profits she made from working as a professional comedian. For many parents, their children's careers are their greatest accomplishment, but for me my mom's is mine.

 

誰是Zoya?

Zoya來自一個印度裔一麵家庭，住在紐約的Bronx區。她就讀的Bronx High School of Science是需要考試進入紐約磁校，每年30000名學生考試，錄取800人。在BHSS的四年，Zoya有過畢業班主席、校女足和女高隊長、校拉丁語俱樂部主席等豐富校內的leadership經曆，也有九年級時短暫的 Speech & Debate 的參與。把這姑娘放在爬藤人群裏，她的一個不俗之處是全美中學生選美比賽Miss Teen USA的紐約州Finalists。業餘時間，Zoya還喜歡用烘焙打發時間，這也是一個人見人愛的特長了。在Zoya畢業之際，BHSS學校用一整個版麵描述她，高中四年的校內、外的成就可謂是的“罄竹難書”。

請允許我在這幽默一下用詞，因為Zoya的家庭充滿幽默感的。她媽媽Zarna是紐約脫口秀新秀和知名網紅，上了百老匯和紐約主要脫口秀舞台。而這位印裔移民女性在中年下海的成就，除應了當前minority talkshow的興起的大潮外，最主要竟是Zoya背後的“推手”作用。因為，Zoya是個給周邊人傳遞力量的典型Leader。正是因為她的鼓勵和努力，才讓媽媽這個長年的家庭婦女，有了站上公眾舞台表演幽默的信心。而這個鼓勵媽媽故事，又成就了Zoya的這篇優秀文書。

Zoya的文書並未上傳網絡，所以沒有機會成為網紅的爆款文書。但她還是有機會把這篇文書發給了紐時的大學申請文書專欄。經得住專家的嚴格審慎，這篇文書才能從上千篇參選文書中脫穎而出，成為該專欄在2021年度的頭條文書。

進入史大後的Zoya，影響力繼續爆棚。作為一個大學一年級的新生，她已經成為SWIB的70多名成員之一。這個學生組織把在校的史大女生和眾多知名公司聯係起來，為她們帶來職業技術培訓和大量的實習機會。能成為這個組織的成員，代表著未來職業發展的高起點。來看看寫在SWIB網站上的這些公司名錄。是不是家家都是你我都想進的公司啊！

新主題文書的要素

Zoya這篇文書，既不是文字出彩，也並非情節誘人，而結構上更是單一得讓人覺得普通。但它勝在主題的新。

什麽是新主題？這不是要你寫出天狼星人的奇幻經曆。首先看看這篇文章的Main Character是誰。對，是媽媽，不是Zoya自己。全篇有10個"mom" 和20個“she”，如果你仔細統計，主述媽媽的內容不隻這30處。而主述自己的呢？全篇19個“I”和4個“me”，最多24處，而且這些也多是同時與媽媽有關的。讀到這篇文章的讀者，主要被媽媽角色的內容吸引。而“我”僅僅是讀者感知中的輔助角色。

其次，故事中所描述的Personal Growth過程，是媽媽從家庭主婦到脫口秀演員的變化，是媽媽的Growth。“我”在故事裏，發現媽媽的幽默天賦，、產生媽媽的職業建議，和鼓勵媽媽邁出舒適區。這些可以算作是 who I am，但不屬於 my personal growth。因此我的這種特性從何而來，無從顯示出來。如果按照傳統的文書意見，這篇過多強調媽媽而不是表達自己的文書故事，應該被打回去重做。

但這是疫情改變的時代，是文書變革和求新的時代。這篇主要表現媽媽的文書，盡管整篇在純文字角度上極其樸素無華，但卻能憑最後一句十足的傲嬌 ——“別家兒女的職業是父母的成就，而我家媽媽的職業是我的成就” —— 作為結語，讓讀者都無法忘懷。

為什麽呢為什麽？

一篇文書的主題，要達到求新的目的，並非要你去腸刮肚找到一個quirky內容題材，而是要你在以下的五個維度上做以下立場置換，就能達到意想不到的效果。這五個維度是下圖所示，正負、主客、單複、同異、因果。每個維度上各有兩個互為相反的取值。它們存在於人類的潛意識空間，是我們認識任何事物的版能邏輯維度。但由於我們常常受習慣所囿，對任何事物，都僅僅注意到每個維度的某個方向的取值，而忽略另一個。如果你能在某個維度上切換方向，往往會產生出令人耳目一新的效果。這就好像習慣了右手寫字的人，突然看到有人左手寫出好字時的那種驚奇。

Zoya這篇的mom's career，就是在主、客和因、果這個維度上的換向示例。一般的文書，主題都是自我的經曆和成長，周圍人和事是通過與 main character 的自我發生相關性而進入故事情節。這，帶有典型“自我”主題的特性，屬於主觀，即“主”。而Zoya這一篇，以第三人稱的媽媽為 main character，其間加入足量的“自我”內容作為輔助，這就是客觀，即“客”。主客置換，角度的很立場的變化，這是第一層令人耳目新鮮的意義。剛才還提到了，一般的文書故事都是他人他事（客觀）影響自我（主觀）的成長變化，這相當於客觀為因主觀為果。而Zoya這篇，我是媽媽的職業之因，我（主觀）為因，媽媽（客觀）的成長是果。因果在主客觀方向上的變化，給故事又添了一層新鮮的成分。

在我以前講過的樂高文舉例中，還談到過正負轉換的例子。搭樂高這個主題已經被人寫過多年，立意之處，無外乎堅忍不拔不氣壘、苦心堅持到完成，或者聰明伶俐會分析，完美計劃快成功。這些都是正麵的故事元素。而你從現實的角度看，每搭一個樂高都會有搭了拆、拆了搭的經過，才能最後完成。出現錯誤、拆了再搭，從這個負麵的元素去看整個過程，認識到修正錯誤的速度才是決定前進速度主要因素的話，這樣的正負轉換，就具有令人耳目一新的特性了。

這樣的例子還有很多。下麵是美本文書常見的十大主題，以及我們可以怎樣思考這些主題，找到以上五個維度上的某個轉換，達到讓主題新鮮亮活的目的。新的時代，人的意識需要新的刺激，AO們也是如此。我們寫文書，也可以更多地考慮不按常規出牌。比如下麵的第六條，別人激發我是常見主題，我激發別人就算是創新主題。這不，我2020年的話音剛落，Zoya這篇往常難登大藤的文書就上了頭條了。

來吧，好好學習一下好文書的生產模式吧。

或者，你甘願跟大前天WSJ頭條姑娘 Kaitlyn Younger 一樣去ASU。

上頭條還是上Top-5，你們自己選吧。

 

Kaitlyn Younger, a self-described perfectionist, plans to attend Arizona State.

To Get Into the Ivy League, ‘Extraordinary’ Isn’t Always Enough These Days

A star student found herself with a pile of rejection letters from top schools during the most competitive college-applications year on record

By Douglas Belkin | Photographs by Laura Buckman for The Wall Street Journal

Updated April 21, 2022 10:34 am ET