盧岩回憶錄
本人的回憶錄，宗教文化
話說靖王武大郎（亦作武佛，桃花佛）帥領三千禦林軍來到了乾塘關張家的祖居地後，對三太子張屠戶說：“我就不考你了，為了避免模糊，我就直說了。先讓你安心，你生父太昊（義為古代的太陽神，亦作元始天尊）的身體健康狀況很好！從他的年齡來說，正常情況下一年半之內不會出問題。三天後，從您蹬上儀仗隊的龍攆那一刻起，您就是華國的皇帝，炎帝（即青鬆石帝，俗稱玉皇大帝）了。所以，你現在的張屠戶的職業就隻剩下三天的任期了。咱們離開此張家的祖居地後，會有人來接大巢氏和我的七個侄女；一個月後她們就會住在華國的皇宮裏了。”
It is said that after Jing King Martial Big Wolf Marshal (aka. Martial Buddha, Peach Flower Buddha) led 3,000 imperial guards to Qiantang Pass (i.e., Dragon Pond Pass), the Zhang family’s ancestral land, he said to the third prince Zhang the Butcher: "I will not test you anymore. To avoid ambiguity, I will speak directly. First, let you rest assured that your biological father Taiho (i.e., Ancient Sun God, aka. Original Sky Honor) is in good health! Considering his age, he will be fine within a year and a half under normal circumstances. Three days later, from the moment you step on the dragon Chariot of the ceremonial guards, you will be the emperor of Hua State, Yan Emperor (commonly known as Turquoise Emperor). Therefore, your current job as Zhang the Butcher will only last for three days. After we leave this ancestral home of the Zhang family, someone will come to pick up Big Nest and my seven nieces; in a month, they will live in the palace of Hua State."
張屠戶驚訝地說：“日程安排得這麽緊！？”
武大郎說：“我認為神識（即無意識）在現實的行為生活中容易改變，所以我們要在行程中使你具有三千威儀八萬四千細行（亦作天條，約櫃，參見16.2節），少停留在這裏浪費時間。如果你有意見，日程計劃可以改。”
張屠戶回答：“我聽從大哥的安排。”
Zhang the butcher was surprised and said, "The schedule is so tight!?"
Martial Big Wolf said, "I think God-sense (i.e. unconsciousness) is easy to change in real life activities, so we want to make you have “3,000 Majesties 84,000 Enchantments” (also known as sky clauses, Covenant Ark, see Section 16.2) during the trip, so that we don't stay here and waste time. If you have any opinions, the schedule can be changed."
Zhang the butcher replied, "I will follow my brother's arrangements."
2.7-2 雞犬升天 Chicken and Dog are Escalated to Sky
武大郎說：“那我就跟著你在你家走一圈，你指出那些你要帶到皇宮裏的東西，讓書記官記下來，然後士兵們準備行裝。”
當張屠戶領著武大郎，指出了所有他想帶著東西之後不久，後勤官就來向武大郎報告說，“收拾行禮需要半個月的時間！”
武大郎生氣了，厲聲說到：“我命令三天後出發！你怎麽跟我說收拾行李需要15天的時間，你們在違抗我的命令！”
張屠戶立刻勸說：“大哥息怒！這事能商量！”
Martial Big Wolf said, “Then I will follow you around your house, you will point out those things you want to take to the palace, the scribe will record them down, and then the soldiers will prepare your luggage.”
Soon after Zhang the Butcher led Martial Big Wolf and pointed out all the things he wanted to take with him, the logistics officer came to report to Martial Big Wolf, "It will take half a month to pack the luggage!"
Martial Big Wolf got angry and snapped, “I ordered to leave in three days! Why are you telling me that it will take 15 days to pack, you are disobeying my orders!”
Butcher Zhang immediately persuaded him: "Brother, calm down! We can discuss this matter!"
後勤官大聲報告：“張屠戶要攜帶許多雞鴨鵝狗兔豬等家畜，需要裝籠運輸。太昊有旨意，炎帝登基所用的全部器具必須是新的。打造36隻籠子，晝夜施工，需要15天。”
武大郎回答：“買，舊籠子刷上新漆。”
後勤官走後，張屠戶問武大郎：“我爸爸知道了，會不會不高興？”
武大郎回答：“你爸爸要看的是你的三千威儀八萬四千細行。誰告訴他造雞籠的木頭是舊的，那是自討沒趣。”
The logistics officer reported loudly: "Zhang the butcher has to carry many chickens, ducks, geese, dogs, rabbits, pigs and other livestock, which need to be transported in cages. Taihao (Ancient Sun God) has ordered that all the utensils used by Yan Emperor to ascend the throne must be new. It will take 15 days to build 36 cages, working day and night."
Martial Big Wolf replied: "Buy and paint the old cages with new paints."
After the logistics officer left, Zhang the butcher asked Martial Big Wolf: "Will my father be unhappy if he finds out?"
Martial Big Wolf replied: "Your father wants to see your ‘3,000 Majesties and 84,0000 Enchantments’. Whoever tells him that the wood used to build the chicken coop is old is asking for trouble."
2.7.3
第四天的清晨，在樂隊的伴奏聲中，張屠戶身著龍袍，蹬上了龍攆，成為了炎帝，俗稱玉皇大帝。遊行的隊伍一啟動，一個雞籠的門開了，一隻公雞跑了出來。隊伍繼續前進，炎帝著急了，喊道：“停止前進，把那隻雞抓回來！”隊伍停了下來，幾個士兵去抓雞。那隻雞飛到了屋頂。一個軍官爬上了屋頂，就在他要抓那隻雞時，屋頂塌了，他掉進了房子裏。當他拎著頭盔出來時，人們看見他是個禿子。那隻公雞在屋頂叫：“幾根兒！幾根兒！”可能他是真的被摔疼了，生氣地張弓搭箭，對著屋頂的公雞說：“你敢笑話我禿！你自己下來，否則我把你射下來！”炎帝大喊：“別射！我自己去抓它！”
On the morning of the fourth day, in the accompaniment of a band, Zhang the Butcher donned a dragon robe, stepped onto the dragon Chariot, and became the Yan Emperor, commonly known as the Jade Emperor. As the parade started, the door of a chicken coop opened, and a rooster ran out. The parade continued to move forward, Yan Emperor became anxious and shouted, "Stop moving forward and catch the rooster!" The parade stopped and several soldiers went to catch the rooster. The rooster flew to the roof top. An officer climbed onto the roof, and just as he was about to catch the chicken, the roof collapsed, and he fell into the house. When he came out with his helmet, people saw that he was bald. The rooster on the roof called, "Jigenr (meaning several hairs in Chinese)! Jigenr!" Maybe the bald general was really hurt by the fall, he angrily drew his bow and arrow, shouted to the rooster on the roof, "You dare to laugh at my baldness! Come down by yourself, or I will shoot you down!" Yan Emperor shouted, "Don't shoot! I will catch it myself!"
那個禿頭軍官看見炎帝去抓雞了，不知所措！武大郎來到了他的身邊，叨咕：“都怪我們那個強爹的奇怪邏輯，‘故天將降大任於斯人也，必先苦其心誌，勞其筋骨，餓其體膚，空乏其身。’這些年來一直在他的背後搞破壞，讓他窮得叮當的！”
禿頭軍官叨咕：“把這些雞鴨鵝帶到皇宮裏有什麽用？”
武大郎回答：“這是黎民之福啊！”
禿頭軍官問：“這和萬民之福有什麽關係？
武大郎回答：“他連一隻雞都舍不得丟棄，當然不願意犧牲百姓和士兵的生命去打仗了！不打仗，我們就有好日子過了！”
That bald officer saw that Yan Emperor had gone to catch chickens and didn't know what to do! Martial Big Wolf came to his side and muttered, "It's all because of our stubborn father's strange logic, 'Therefore, when God wants to give a man a great responsibility, he must first make his heart intelligence bitter, labor his muscles and bones, hungry his skin and empty his body.' Our old man has been sabotaging him behind his back all these years, making him poor!"
The bald officer muttered: "What's the point of bringing these chickens, ducks and geese to the palace?"
Martial Big Wolf replied: "This is a fortune for the people!"
The bald officer asked: "What does this have to do with the well-being of the people?"
Martial Big Wolf replied: "He couldn't even bear to throw away a chicken, so of course he didn't want to sacrifice the lives of the people and soldiers to fight! If there is no war, we will have a good life!"
禿頭軍官恍然大悟，說道：“哎呀！我聽說幾次了，‘武大郎賣豬肉，好大的下水！’直到現在我才明白，您的肚子裏真有東西！”
武大郎嚴肅地說：“你敢罵我！不想升官了！”
禿頭軍官尷尬地回答：“抱歉！說順嘴了！你跟您的這位三弟比起來，怎麽樣？”
武大郎又瞪了他一眼，然後說：“我能率領八萬四千兵馬，三年征服三個國家。我三弟，成為炎帝三年後，兵不血刃，萬國來朝！”
The bald officer suddenly realized and said, "Oh! I've heard it many times, Martial Big Wolf (he is a dwarf) sells pork, what a big gut!' Until now that I understand that you really have something in your belly!"
Martial Big Wolf said seriously, "How dare you scold me! You don't want to be promoted!"
The bald officer replied awkwardly: "Sorry! I just said it casually! How do you compare to your third brother?"
Martial Big Wolf glared at him again and then said: "I can lead 84,000 soldiers to conquer three countries in three years. My third brother, after becoming the Yan Emperor for three years, thousands of nations came to commonwealth without bloodshed!"
2.7-4
炎帝回來了，抱著公雞就要上龍攆。武大郎過去說：“陛下，您把雞給我，我送雞籠裏去。” 炎帝順手就把雞給他了，但他上了龍攆後，看見武大郎正抱著公雞去雞籠，感覺不好，大喊：“大哥！把公雞還給我！”
武大郎明白了，對跟著他的禿頭軍官說：“把你的鬥篷脫下來，包在這隻報曉金雞身上。”
軍官回答：“我的鬥篷是防雨綢的！”
Yan Emperor came back, holding the rooster and about to board the dragon chariot. Martial Big Wolf came over and said, "Your Majesties, give me the rooster and I'll take it to the chicken coop." Yan Emperor gave him the rooster, but after he boarded the dragon chariot, he saw Martial Big Wolf carrying the rooster to the chicken coop and felt bad, so he shouted, "Brother! Give me back the rooster!"
Martial Big Wolf understood and said to the bald officer following him: "Take off your cloak and wrap it around this golden rooster."
The officer replied: "My cloak is made of rainproof silk!"
武大郎回答：“正合適！這隻金雞的屎和尿走一條道，不是防水布包不住！”然後，武大郎把公雞交給了他，說：“你給陛下送回去，這是侍衛長的工作。”
禿頭軍官感動的哭了：我犯這麽多的錯誤，還給我升官了！”
Martial Big Wolf replied: "It's just right! The feces and urine of this golden rooster go in the same path; not waterproof cloth can't protect it!" Then Martial Big Wolf handed the rooster to him and said: "You send it back to His Majesties, this is the job of guard captain."
The bald officer was so moved that he cried: I made so many mistakes, but I was still promoted!
