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《斯人已逝（之二：老徐）》Departed Souls (2. Lao Xu)

(2023-11-21 23:07:31) 下一個

斯人已逝 （之二：老徐）

Departed Souls (2. Lao Xu) [edited from English translation]

老徐其實不老，比我還小一歲。他去世的時間也不會記錯，因為他的追悼會過後沒多久，新冠就席卷美國了。那是2020年的春天。

Lao Xu（老徐） was not old at all, and he is even a year younger than me. The time of his passing is unlikely mistaken because shortly after his memorial, the COVID-19 pandemic swept across the United States. It was in the spring of 2020.

我是11年前在一個朋友的聚會上認識老徐夫婦的。我們聊得很投機，互留電話。幾個月後，好像是新年，他請我們家去他家聚。此前幾個月，我老婆孩子已經從大學城搬過來了。我們那一年是住在一個租的小house裏麵，後來買的房也在旁邊的那條街上。老徐家離我們大約20分鍾車程。

I first met Lao Xu couple at a friend's party about 11 years ago. We hit it off and exchanged phone numbers. A few months later, around the New Year, Lao Xu invited us to their home for a get-together. By then, my wife and kids had already joined me from the university town. That year, we were living in a rented small house, and later we bought a house in the same town. Lao Xu's house was about a 20-minute drive away.

來到他住的這個街區，才意識到老徐是“成功人士”。他家房子很大、很氣派，磚石加鐵欄杆院牆，三輛BMW停在車庫外麵。房子裏麵的裝飾、布局，乃至吃飯的餐具等都挺考究。通過這次見麵聊天，我才知道老徐是我們這邊一個企業的VP。老徐拿到PhD就到這家公司工作，也有十來年了。這是一個傳統產業，生產社會剛需的某類產品。據老徐講，這家公司原來算是中型企業，但後來美國員工越來越少了，利潤率卻反而高了。因為生產部分大多轉移到了中國和東南亞，成本降低了。現在美國這邊主要負責設計和質量控製。老徐是技術專家，也懂管理，又能跟中國的合作夥伴溝通。而且，老徐精通計算機，他編了一個管理軟件，把公司的產品細目、物流、成本核算等方方麵麵綜合在一起，在計算機上一目了然。老徐是公司不可或缺的多麵手。

Arriving in their neighborhood, I realized that Lao Xu was a "successful person." Their house was large and impressive, with brick and iron railings surrounding the courtyard, and three BMWs parked outside the garage. The interior of the house, the layout, and even the dinnerware were all elegant. It was during this visit and conversation that I found out Lao Xu was a VP at a local company. He had been working for this company for over ten years since obtaining his PhD. It was a traditional industry, producing a certain class of products that fulfilled societal needs. According to Lao Xu, the company used to be a mid-sized enterprise, but over time, the number of American employees decreased while the profit margins increased. This was because most of the production had shifted to China and Southeast Asia, reducing costs. In the U.S., the company primarily focused on design and quality control. Lao Xu was a technical expert, a manager, and a proficient communicator with Chinese partners. Furthermore, he was a computer whiz, having developed management software that streamlined the company's product specifications, logistics, and cost calculations, making everything easily accessible on the computer monitor. Lao Xu was an indispensable multi-talented asset for the company.

老徐的太太曉茜是個和善、爽朗的人。當時做一個part-time工作，此前不久迷上了中國畫，花錢每周請附近一個華裔畫家給她上課。她後來畫得相當不錯。她本科畢業後與老徐同年來到長沙的某局工作，而且在同一個科室。兩人很快戀愛結婚，婚後一年有了兒子竟成。又過了幾個月，老徐拿到了美國一所私立工學院的獎學金，先期獨自飛赴美國…… 這次聚會我們也見到了竟成。小夥子一表人才，在New England地區的一所著名的boarding school讀高中，第二年就要入大學了（不好意思，當時我的孩子還在小學裏）。

Lao Xu's wife, Xiaoxi（曉茜）, was a kind and cheerful person. At the time, she was working part-time and had recently become interested in Chinese painting. She was taking lessons from a nearby Chinese artist, and she had become quite skilled. After graduating from college, she moved to Changsha, Hunan, in the same year as Lao Xu. They worked in the same department of a government bureau. They quickly fell in love, got married, and had their son, Jingcheng （竟成）, a year later. A few months after that, Lao Xu received a scholarship to a private engineering school in the United States and flew there alone... During this gathering, we also met Jingcheng. The young man was exceptionally talented, attending a renowned boarding school in the New England area, and he was about to enter college the following year (my own son was still in elementary school at the time).

老徐40出頭事業就如此成功，令人羨慕。而我那時剛進入企業界不久，反差很大。不過從私人交往來講，他事業的發達與否，對我來說是中性的。老徐之所以成為我的好朋友，關鍵是他這個人可交！

Lao Xu had achieved remarkable success in his early 40s, which was admirable. At the time, I had only recently entered the corporate world, so there was a stark contrast. However, in our personal interactions, his professional success had no bearing on our friendship. The key to Lao Xu becoming my good friend was the person he was – someone I genuinely enjoyed spending time with.

來年的初夏，我們這裏連續下了兩天大雨，我住的這房子的地下室進了十幾公分高的水，房東說他的兩個水泵已經被房客借走了，讓我們等等。我試著給老徐打電話問有什麽辦法，結果他開車運來幾樣好東西：專門吸地板水的泵（我此前根本不知道有這種泵），大風扇和空氣除濕機。我後來才知道他這個人相當handy，還會作木工，修理房子。

In the early summer of the following year, we experienced two days of heavy rain, and the basement of the house I was living in got flooded. The landlord informed us that both of his sump pumps had been borrowed by other tenants, and we would have to wait. I called Lao Xu to see if he had any suggestions, and he drove over with a few useful items: a specialized floor water pump (I had no idea such a pump existed), a large fan, and a dehumidifier. I later discovered that he was quite handy. He was skillful in woodworking and even able to repair his house.

有一年我父母在美國時，碰巧我老婆有事回國，而我要到外地開一周的會。我離開之前給老徐掛了個電話，說我父母萬一遇到什麽急事，我讓他們給你打電話。沒想到那幾天老徐開車去了我們家兩趟，其中一次還讓曉茜做了醬牛肉帶過去。我父母非常感動，多次說小徐這人真不錯。

One year, when my parents were visit us in the United States, my wife had to go back to China for an urgent matter, and I had to attend a week-long conference out of town. Before leaving, I called Lao Xu and told him that if my parents faced any emergencies, they would let them call him. To my surprise, Lao Xu made two trips to our house during those days, and on one occasion, he even brought a dish of sauce-braised beef. My parents were deeply touched and repeatedly said what a kind person Lao Xu was.

有一件事情，老徐可能永久地影響了我兒子。在他上六、七年級時的那個感恩節，我們請老徐夫婦來聚。老徐問我兒子喜歡什麽，他說喜歡計算機，會Python和Java，能編程。老徐問你編出什麽了嗎，我看看？兒子還沒有。這時候老徐對我兒子說了一句我至今記憶猶新的話：Rather than say you know something, you should show me your products. 接下來他就布置任務：你給我編一個應用手機程序，顯示從絕對零度到攝氏500度攝氏這個範圍，Celsius vs. Fahrenheit。我不要對照表，我要形象的一個溫度計，可以在手機屏上zoom in，zoom out，而且可以隨意上下滑動。接受了任務，小家夥有心勁去幹。不出一周，App就編好了。老徐看了以後大加讚賞，說你看，你有了產品，我就相信你行。記住了，要show your products。我的兒子天生是個訥於語言表達的孩子，但這些年他長於實幹，彌補了這個弱點。不能不說老徐當年的要求和鼓勵影響了他。

There's one thing Lao Xu did that may have had a lasting impact on my son. During a Thanksgiving dinner in his sixth or seventh grade, we invited the Lao Xu couple over. Lao Xu asked my son what he liked, and he said he enjoyed computers and could program in Python and Java. Lao Xu asked him if he had created anything, and my son hadn't at that point. At that moment, Lao Xu said something to my son that I still remember vividly: "Rather than say you know something, you should show me your products." He then assigned a task: "Create a mobile app that displays the temperature range from absolute zero to 500 degrees Celsius. The display should include both Celsius and Fahrenheit. I don't want a reference table; I want a graphical thermometer on the phone screen that can zoom in, zoom out, and be scrolled up and down." My son eagerly accepted the challenge and got to work. Within a week, he had the app ready. Lao Xu was impressed and said, "You see, now you have a product, and I believe in your capabilities. Remember, you should show your products." My son was naturally a bit reserved when it came to verbal expression, but over the years, he excelled in practical work and compensated for this weakness. I cannot help but think that Lao Xu's expectations and encouragement back then had a significant influence on him.

老徐工作忙，我們見麵並不頻繁，但每次都很愉快，還經常有一些知識和眼界上的收獲。比如馬雲和阿裏巴巴，Uber，Airbnb等，我都是多年前第一次從老徐那裏了解的。這些當時的新東西，他作為企業家比較敏感，跟我介紹時往往詳盡且充滿個人見解。而我的專業和業餘愛好，他也十分感興趣，有時候揪住我問個不停。他甚至有兩個次跟我驅車很遠，看我去拍攝飛鳥。我們倆是那種背景不同，有互補性的朋友。

Lao Xu was a busy man with work, so our meetings were not frequent, but every time was enjoyable and often brought knowledge and new perspectives. I first learned about things like Jack Ma and his Alibaba, Uber, and Airbnb from Lao Xu, at years before they became well-known. He had a keen sense as an entrepreneur and would provide detailed insights when introducing these new developments to me. On the other hand, he showed a keen interest in my profession and hobbies, sometimes bombarding me with questions. He even drove with me twice to a distant location to photograph birds in flight. We were two friends with different backgrounds but complementary qualities.

2017年秋天的一個周末，我正背著相機在野外閑逛，電話鈴響了，是老徐。我問你好嗎，3個月沒聯係了。他說，我剛出院。

One weekend in the autumn of 2017, I was wandering in the wilderness with my camera when my phone rang, and it was Lao Xu. He asked how I was doing and mentioned that we hadn't been in touch for three months. He said, "I just got out of the hospital."

一個月前，他與一位助理一起去中國例行出差、會合作夥伴。結果有一天突然出現癲癇症狀，馬上到省城的醫院檢查。MRI檢查發現在大腦皮層頂葉和枕葉交界處有一個乒乓球大小的腫瘤。美國這邊告訴他，如果需要，可在中國選擇最好的醫院進行最好的治療，包括手術。老徐與曉茜在電話裏商量了一下，決定還是回美國治療。

About a month earlier, he had gone on a routine business trip to China with an assistant to meet with partners. He experienced epileptic symptoms, so they rushed to a hospital in the provincial capital for examination. An MRI scan revealed a ping pong ball-sized tumor at the junction of the parietal and occipital lobes of his brain. On the U.S. side, the CEO told him that if needed, he could choose the best hospital in China for the best treatment, including surgery. Lao Xu and Xiaoxi discussed it over the phone and decided to return to the United States for treatment.

回美國不久，老徐就在紐約的Presbyterian Hospital，由一位著名的神經外科醫生做了腫瘤切除。手術很順利，似乎對一切都沒有影響，幾天以後就出院了。與此同時，腫瘤的病理檢測結果也出來了。醫生對他說，腦腫瘤沒有明確的邊界，是切不幹淨的。就他這種腫瘤的性質，還需進行化療。另有一種實驗性療法，他也選擇參加了。他說感覺不太壞，化療除了掉頭發厲害，其他副作用還好，對食欲影響不太大。由於暫時不考慮工作上的事情，心裏反倒輕鬆。

Shortly after returning to the United States, Lao Xu underwent tumor removal surgery at New York's Presbyterian Hospital, performed by a renowned neurosurgeon. The surgery went smoothly, and he was discharged a few days later. Meanwhile, the results of the pathological examination had come in. The doctor informed him that the brain tumor had no clear boundaries and could never be completely removed during the surgery. Given the nature of this type of tumor, he needed to undergo chemotherapy. He also opted for an experimental therapy. He mentioned that he didn't feel too bad, except for losing his hair, and the other side effects were manageable, with minimal impact on his appetite. Since he wasn't currently considering work-related matters, he felt somewhat relieved.

我問你有病理報告嗎？他說有啊，我拍張照片這就給你發過去。照片過來了，我快速一掃，就看見了Anaplastic Astrocytoma兩個字，倒吸一口涼氣。我馬上收拾相機回家，路上精力不集中差點兒出交通事故。回家後馬上給我的朋友、病理科醫生老沙打電話，說我這裏有個好朋友的病理報告單發給你看看。一會兒，老沙的電話打過來：你這個朋友很不幸。一般Anaplastic Astrocytoma的生命預期就2-3年，活過5年的很少。從病程上看，手術後前1-2年大多感覺良好，然後殘存的癌細胞就複發並向周圍擴散，於是不得不進行第二次手術。此後情況會急轉直下……

I asked if he had the pathology report, and he said he did. He quickly sent me a photo of it. As I glanced at the photo, I saw the words "Anaplastic Astrocytoma," and I couldn't help but gasp. I immediately packed up my camera and headed home, but my concentration was so poor on the way that I almost had a traffic accident. When I got home, I called my friend, Dr. Sha, who was a pathologist, and told him I had a pathology report from a close friend to show him. A little while later, Dr. Sha called back and said, "Your friend is in a very unfortunate situation. The life expectancy for Anaplastic Astrocytoma is generally 2-3 years, and very few live beyond 5 years. Looking at the course of the disease, most patients feel good in the first 1-2 years after surgery, and then the cancer relapses and spreads, requiring a second surgery. After that, the situation deteriorates rapidly..."

老徐的病程，跟老沙說得一模一樣。前一年半一切都好。在這段時間裏，我們聚會比過去多了不少。見麵時老徐帶著假發套，看起來氣色不錯。我想，老徐和曉茜對疾病的預後是一定查詢過的。我們隻是不談這個。我們都珍惜這段時光，祈求複發和惡化能夠晚一點發生。

Lao Xu's course of illness matched exactly what Dr. Sha described. For the first year and a half, everything seemed fine. During that time, we had more gatherings than before. When we met, Mr. Xu wore a wig, and he looked quite well. I was very sure that Mr. Xu and Xiaoxi had definitely looked into the prognosis of the disease. We just didn't talk about it. We cherished this time and prayed that the recurrence and deterioration would be delayed.

2019年初夏，他們夫妻倆去MIT參加了兒子竟成的CS碩士畢業典禮。小夥子當初報MIT本科CS誌在必得，但小中男加計算機，難上加難，未能如願，去了另一所很不錯的大學。2017年本科畢業，工作機會不是最理想。於是幹脆再花十幾萬去MIT讀CS碩士，也算了卻父子二人的心願。有了MIT這塊牌子，還沒等碩士畢業，矽穀兩家竟成最想去的公司都給了offer。

In the early summer 2019, the couple attended their son Jingcheng's CS master's graduation ceremony at MIT. Jingcheng had initially aimed for MIT for his undergraduate studies in computer science, but it was a highly competitive field, and he couldn't get in. He went to another excellent university instead. After graduating with his bachelor's degree in 2017, job opportunities weren't ideal, so he decided to spend another tens of thousands to study for a CS master's degree at MIT. It was also a fulfillment of his and his father's wishes. With the MIT name, even before completing his master's degree, he received job offers from the two companies in Silicon Valley he most wanted to work for.

兒子一畢業，老徐的情況就突然惡化了。一條腿開始不靈活，很快發展到半邊身子都無力，運動協調出現問題。影像檢查顯示癌細胞在從原病灶處複發，並開始侵染腦的其他部位。於是進行了第二次手術，作了比較大麵積的切除。這次手術過後，人就不對勁了，除了半邊身子不靈活之外，還出現了失語症，語言表達產生問題，尤其是說話時找不到合適的中文詞來表達，英語似乎好一點。另外，他還出現了一些幻覺和妄想的症狀，性格也變了，越來越不像他。他整個的靈魂，似乎都離周圍現實越來越遠了。

Shortly after Jingcheng’s graduation, Lao Xu's condition rapidly deteriorated. He began to lose mobility in one leg, and it quickly progressed to weakness on one side of his body, with coordination issues. Imaging examination showed that cancer cells were recurring from the original site and spreading to other parts of his brain. So, a second surgery was performed with a more extensive resection. After this second surgery, Lao Xu's condition worsened. In addition to the loss of mobility on one side of his body, he also developed aphasia, having difficulty expressing himself, especially in Chinese, while his English seemed better. Furthermore, he showed some hallucinations and delusions, as well as changed personality. He became less and less like himself. It seemed like his entire soul was drifting further away from the surrounding people and reality.

2019年11月份，老徐已經完全不認人了，也不能說話了。我們聖誕節去他們家，一進門，老徐拄著拐杖佇立在窗前，我們叫他兩聲沒有反應。曉茜說你們先去坐。他整天在廳裏漫無目標地晃晃停停，過一陣子就會到沙發那邊去的。果然，我們喝著茶，看著老徐慢慢從那邊躑躅著挪過來，護工在幾步之外慢慢跟著（他家的廳非常大）。來到我們邊上時，我們齊聲喊他的名字。突然間，他轉過頭看看著我，眼睛瞪得老大，幾秒鍾之後失聲痛哭。顯然，他的心智出現了暫時的恢複，但此刻對事物和自身的認知，帶來的是多大的痛苦啊！我的心裏也是一陣的痛。

By November 2019, Lao Xu no longer recognized anyone and couldn't speak any more. We visited their home during Christmas. When we entered, we saw Lao Xu standing by the window with a cane. We called his name, but he didn't respond. Xiaoxi told us to have a seat and said Lao Xu tended to aimlessly wander around the living room, and he would make his way to the sofa after a while. Sure enough, as we were having tea, we watched Lao Xu slowly shuffle over to our side, with a caregiver following at a distance (their living room was quite large). When he reached our side, we all called his name. Suddenly, he turned to look at me, his eyes wide, and after a few seconds, he burst into tears. Clearly, there was a temporary recovery of his cognitive abilities, but the knowledge of his condition and his surroundings at that moment must have caused immense pain. My heart ached as well.

曉茜說這是奇跡，老徐真的認出了我。他此前已經一個半月不認任何人了。醫生近日告訴曉茜，老徐可能隻有兩個月左右的生命。癌細胞將很快侵入他的下丘腦生命中樞。曉茜問我，在以後的追悼會上，我能不能為老徐致悼詞。我答應了。

Xiaoxi said it was a miracle; Lao Xu really recognized me. He hadn't recognized anyone for the past month and a half. Recently, the doctor told Xiaoxi that Lao Xu probably only had about two months left to live. The cancer cells would soon invade his hypothalamic regulating centers. Xiaoxi asked me if I could deliver a eulogy for Lao Xu at his memorial service, and I agreed.

聖誕至新年那一周，公司裏基本上是空的。我獨自呆在辦公室裏，安安靜靜地回憶我與老徐的8年友誼。悼詞寫了4稿，新年過後又讓我的一位美國朋友幫我修改、潤色。在3月份的追悼會剛結束時，老徐的好幾位同事都來感謝我，說我的eulogy讓他們對他的了解又深了一層。對此我感到很欣慰。但我也希望這是今生唯一一次給人致悼詞。

During the week from Christmas to New Year, my company was basically empty. I sat alone in my office, quietly reminiscing about my eight years of friendship with Lao Xu. I wrote four drafts of the eulogy, and after the New Year, I had one of my American friends help me revise and polish it. Right after the memorial service in March, several of Lao Xu's colleagues came to thank me, saying that my eulogy had deepened their understanding of him. I felt gratified by this. However, I also hoped that this would be the only time in my life that I would have to deliver a eulogy for someone.

順便說一句，我的悼詞的最後是以一首小詩結尾的 —

By the way, the conclusion of my eulogy was a small poem —