深陷其境---- 給黑暗中行走的人們

深  陷  其 境（後序）

                       ---- 給黑暗中行走的人們

                                                   作者：JENNY LAWSON    譯者：漁.鷺

 

         寫給那些在黑暗中行走的人們，也寫給那些在陽光下行走但仍伸出一隻手幫助那些在黑暗中行走並與他們並肩戰鬥的人們：

         光明的日子正在靠近。

         明亮的陽光也將到來。

         還有你的到來。

         哦，不，它也許不會持久。那些光明的時刻也許隻是一次持續幾天而已，但它會影響那些日子。那些值得黑暗的日子。

        在黑暗中你會發現自己，所有的壓力與尷尬、筋疲力盡與無助。在黑暗中你會發現最本真的你。在黑暗中會發現深潭之下更有泥沼，它掩飾在水麵之下。你可以看到那些正常人看不到的東西。那些恐怖的事，神秘的事。那些事就像在你的思想裏挖了個洞植入了壞的種子。那些事在黑暗的默默低喚中，那些你曾想忘記的糟糕的秘密、那些讓人尖叫的謊言、那些讓痛苦至死的事，這些事從來沒有停止讓你倒下，並嚐試著用各種各樣的恐懼方法毀滅你……而且是用你自己顫抖的手。這些事是可怕的怪物……那些怪物會把你撲倒在床上成為它的獵物，用它那如針刺一樣鋒利的牙齒齧咬你。你知道它們並不是真實的，但當你在黑暗中時，它們就蟄伏在那洞裏，它們的存在最真實的，並一直想致你於死地。

          而且有時它們成功了。

         但它們不總是成功。而且不是在你身上。你還活著。你在與它們戰鬥著。你傷痕累累，有時精疲力盡，甚至想過要放棄，但你還是堅持下去了。

         你在戰爭中打贏了多次，那些永遠不會有獎章的戰爭。但你學會穿上了盔甲，你的傷疤已像看不見的皮膚保護了你，每一次你都贏得了少許經驗。你知道如何戰鬥，你知道那種武器可以工作，你知道誰是你的同盟軍。那些怪物是花言巧語，精於掩飾的撒謊精，它們從來就沒有停止過讓你投降。有時你會用你雄赳赳的拳頭給予它們反擊。有時你把自己拉進一個小球（意指封閉自己，與外界不聯係），直到世界的盡頭，被那些怪物拉出來吸幹。有時你幹脆放棄鬥爭，把戰場交給了那些能幫你戰鬥的人。

         有時你墜入了更深處。

        在那最深、最黑暗處伸手不見五指的地方，你意識到你是孤獨的，但你不是。我在那和你一起，我也不是孤獨的。一些這世界最好的人在這裏……感覺盲目，等待著，痛哭著，存在著。他們靈魂上的傷痛讓他們想在水下學會呼吸……他們明白那些怪物說的話是不可能的。於是他們想繼續生活著，不放棄。他們試圖用自己的知識和經驗與黑暗對抗，想發現回到水麵的途徑。他們想在溫暖的陽光下晾幹自己濕漉漉的衣服，想伸出頭去看那水麵上如此明亮耀眼、舉手易得的陽光。他們想和那些有著不一樣眼睛的人們一起走在陽光下……那些仍可以看到水麵下痛苦人們的眼睛。有這樣一雙眼睛的人們可以看穿黑暗，並拽出那些在黑暗中的戰士，或握緊他們冰冷的手、坐在他們的身旁，耐心地等待他們遊上來喘口氣。

 地震的中心（比喻讓憂鬱症患者產生的原因）那些正常人還是繼續著他們的生活，但不是我們。我們常常生活在消極中，隻有在陽光完全被擋住並消失時，我們才開始意識到生活的意義。看不見的繩索把那些正常的人綁在一起，彰顯著堅強，但它沒有綁定我們（抑鬱的起因不同）。有時我們會與其它人一樣走在陽光下，有時我們還是在水麵下戰鬥著，成長著。

有時……，

……有時我們飛了。（沒堅持與抑鬱症繼續鬥爭下 去。）

 

 

 

附原文:                                                                   
                                                             Epilogue：

                                              Deep in the Trenches

                                                                         By Jenny Lawson

To  all who walk the dark path, and to those who walk in the sunshine but hold outa hand in the darkness to travel beside us:

 

Brighten  days are coming. Clearer sight will arrive. And you will arrive too.

 

No, it might not be forever. The bright moments might be for a few days at a time,
but hold on for those days. Those days are worth the dark.

In the dark you find yourself, all bones and exhaustion and helplessness. In the dark
you find your basest self. In the dark you find the bottom of watery trenches the rest of the world only sees the surface of. You will see things that no normal person will ever see. Terrible things, Mysterious things. Things that try to burrow into your mind like a bad seed. Things that whisper dark and horrid secrets that you want to forget. Things that scream lies. Things that want you dead. Things that will stop at nothing to pull you down further and kill you in the most terrible way of all… by your own trembling hand. These things are fearsome monsters… the kind you always knew would sink in their needle-sharp teeth and pull you under the bed if you left a dangling limb out. You know they
aren’t real, but when you’re in that black, watery hole with them they are there realest thing there is. And they want us dead.

And sometimes they succeed.

But not always. And not with you. You are alive. You have fought and battled them. Your scarred and worn and sometimes exhausted and were perhaps even close to giving up, but you did not.

 

You have won many battles. There are no medals given out for these fights, but you wear your armor and your scars like an invisible skin, and each time you learn a little more. You learn how to fight. You learn which weapons work. You learn who your allies are. You learn that those monsters are exquisite liars who will stop at nothing to get you to
surrender. Sometimes you fight valiantly with fists and words and fury. Sometimes you fight by pulling yourself into a tiny ball, blotting out the monsters along with the rest of the world. Sometimes you fight by giving up and turning it over to someone else who can fight for you.

 

Sometimes you just fall deeper.

 

And in the deepest, night-blind fathoms you’re certain that you’re alone. You aren’t. I’m there with you. And I’m not alone. Some of the best people are here too…feeling blindly. Waiting. Crying. Surviving. Painfully stretching their souls so that they can learn to breathe underwater… so that they can do what the monsters say is impossible. So that
they can live. And so that they can find their way back to the surface with the knowledge of things that go bump in the night. So that they can dry themselves in the warm light that shines so brightly and easily for those above the surface. So that they can walk with others in the sunlight but with different eyes… eyes that still see the people underwater, allowing them to reach out into the darkness to pull up fellow fighters, or to simply hold their cold hands and sit beside the water to wait patiently for them to come up for air.

 

Ground zero is where the normal people live their lives, but not us. We live in the negatives so often that we begin to understand that life when the sun shines should be lived full throttle, soaring. The invisible tether that binds the normal people on their steady course doesn’t hold us in the same way. Sometimes we walk in sunlight with
everyone else. Sometimes we live underwater and fight and grow.

 

And sometimes…

…sometimes we fly.


譯者備注：
      
       有讀者提議，我上次文章篇幅太長，分兩部分完成比較好,一部分介紹 抑鬱症者的真實思想，另一部分著重於孩子心理教育的重要性。我尊重讀者的 意見，此篇原本就是我的譯文。覺得深有意義，與大家共享。