約翰·洛克的教育思想(中英對照)-25: 教養

BREEDING | The next good quality belonging to a gentleman, is good breeding. There are two sorts of ill-breeding: the one a sheepish bashfulness, and the other a mis-becoming negligence and disrespect in our carriage; both which are avoided by duly observing this one rule, not to think meanly of ourselves, and not to think meanly of others.

教養 |  一個紳士的另一個好品質是良好的教養。教養不良有兩種：一種是羞怯靦腆，另一種是不檢點和行為無禮；避免這兩種情況隻要好好遵循這個規則：不要看不起自己，也不要看不起別人。

The first part of this rule must not be understood in opposition to humility, but to assurance. We ought not to think so well of our selves as to stand upon our own value; or assume a preference to others, because of any advantage we may imagine we have over them; but modestly to take what is offered, when it is our due. But yet we ought to think so well of our selves, as to perform those actions which are incumbent on and expected of us, without discomposure or disorder, in whose presence soever we are, keeping that respect and distance which is due to every one's rank and quality. There is often in people, especially children, a clownish shamefacedness before strangers or those above them; they are confounded in their thoughts, words, and looks, and so lose themselves in that confusion as not to be able to do any thing, or at least not to do it with that freedom and gracefulnesswhich pleases and makes them be acceptable. The only cure for this, as for any other miscarriage, is by use to introduce the contrary habit. But since we cannot accustom ourselves to converse with strangers and persons of quality without being in their company, nothing can cure this part of ill breeding but change and variety of company, and that of persons above us.

這個規矩的第一部分不要理解為與謙虛相反，它是與自負相反。相對於我們本身的價值，我們不該把自己想得太好；不要以為我們比別人有些長處，就認為自己該比別人優先；隻應該在我們應得的時候，謙虛地接受別人所給予的。但是有的行動是我們義不容辭該做的，也是別人期待我們去做的，我們應該看得起自己，無論在誰的麵前都不要惶恐不安，要根據各人的地位與身份保持尊敬與距離。常常有人，特別是小孩，在生人或長者麵前表現出滑稽的害羞的樣子；他們在思想、言詞與表情上都狼狽不堪，因而在混亂中失去自己，不能做成任何事情，或者至少不能隨意優雅地做事而得人的喜悅與接納。醫治這個毛病的唯一辦法，就如同醫治別的毛病一樣，就是通過練習形成相反的習慣。但是因為我們不與陌生人及上流社會的人相處，就不能使自己習慣與他們交談，醫治這種不良教養的方法隻有多與各種人交往，多與高層人士交往。

As the before-mentioned consists in too great a concern how to behave ourselves towards others; so the other part of ill-breeding lies in the appearance of too little care of pleasing or shewing respect to those we have to do with. To avoid this these two things are requisite: first, a disposition of the mind not to offend others; and secondly, the most acceptable and agreeable way of expressing that disposition. From the one men are called civil; from the other well-fashioned. The latter of these is that decency and gracefulnessof looks, voice, words, motions, gestures, and of all the whole outward demeanour, which takes in company, and makes those with whom we may converse, easy and well pleased. This is, as it were, the language whereby that internal civility of the mind is expressed; which, as other languages are, being very much governed by the fashion and custom of every country, must, in the rules and practice of it, be learned chiefly from observation, and the carriage of those who are allowed to be exactly well-bred. The other part, which lies deeper than the outside, is that general good-will and regard for all people, which makes any one have a care not to shew in his carriage any contempt, disrespect, or neglect of them; but to express, according to the fashion and way of that country, a respect and value for them according to their rank and condition. It is a disposition of the mind that shews it self in the carriage, whereby a man avoids making any one uneasy in conversation.

上麵所說的是太顧慮我們自己怎樣行動來對待別人；不良教養的另一方麵是太不關心向那些我們必須與之相處的人表示尊敬與取得好感。要避免這種情況，有兩件事是必要的：第一、要有不得罪別人的意願；第二、要用最易接受與最令人愉快的方法來表達這種意願。有那種意願的人被稱作文明的；會那種方法的人是被稱為得體的。後麵這些指的是容貌、聲音、言辭、動作、姿勢以及整個外表舉止都要莊重優雅，因此吸引客人，並且使那些與我們交談的人感到舒適和非常高興。這就是表示心中內在的彬彬有禮的語言，象別的語言一樣是受每個國家的風俗與習慣所支配影響的，它的規則與實行，主要是從觀察和從那些有良好教養的舉止去學習。而另一部分，是深藏在外表之下的，是對所有人普遍的善意與尊敬，使得一個人注意不在舉止上表現對別人的輕視、無禮或者怠慢；卻使他根據那個國家的風尚與方式，按照人的等級和地位，表示應有的尊敬與重視。它是表現在舉止上的一種氣質，可以讓人在交往中不至於使任何人不安。

I shall take notice of four qualities, that are most directly opposite to this first and most taking of all the social virtues. And from some one of these four it is, that incivility commonly has its rise. I shall set them down, that children may be preserved or recovered from their ill influence.

我注意到有四種品質，是與這種最基本、最迷人的社交美德最直接衝突的。無禮不文明的毛病常常從這四者之中的某一個產生。我把它們記下來，為的是使小孩不受它們的不良影響，或者從它們的不良影響中扭轉回來。

1. ROUGHNESS | The first is, a natural roughness, which makes a man uncomplaisant to others, so that he has no deference for their inclinations, tempers, or conditions. It is the sure badge of a clown, not to mind what pleases or displeases those he is with; and yet one may often find a man in fashionable clothes give an unbounded swing to his own humour, and suffer it to justle or over-run any one that stands in its way, with a perfect indifferency how they take it. This is a brutality that every one sees and abhors, and nobody can be easy with: and therefore this finds no place in any one who would be thought to have the least tincture of good-breeding. For the very end and business of good-breeding is to supple the natural stiffness, and so soften men's tempers, that they may bend to a compliance, and accommodate themselves to those they have to do with.

1. 粗野 | 第一是天生的粗野，使得一個人對別人不是謙恭有禮，所以他也不尊重他們的愛好、脾氣或地位。絲毫不在意什麽會使相處的人高興還是不高興，這是蠢人的確實標誌；然而人們常常可以發現有人衣著光鮮卻隨意亂發脾氣，衝撞輾壓任何擋住他的道的人，完全不理會他們怎樣看待。這是每個人都看到與憎惡的一種野蠻行為，沒有人能與其自如地相處；所以任何覺得自己有一點點良好教養的人都不願意有這種行為。因為良好教養的目的與任務是彌補天性的生硬，使人的脾氣變柔和，因而他們能曲身服從，並能適應他們必須與之相處的人。

2. CONTEMPT | Contempt, or want of due respect, discovered either in looks, words, or gesture: this, from whomsoever it comes, brings always uneasiness with it. For nobody can contentedly bear being slighted.

2. 輕蔑 | 輕蔑，或者缺乏應有的尊敬，可以從眼神、言辭或姿態中發現；無論輕蔑從誰那裏來，它總是令人不自在。因為沒有人安心地忍受被別人看不起。

3. CENSORIOUSNESS | Censoriousness, and finding fault with others, has a direct opposition to civility. Men, whatever they are or are not guilty of, would not have their faults displayed and set in open view and broad day-light, before their own or other people's eyes. Blemishes affixed to any one always carry shame with them: and the discovery, or even bare imputation of any defect is not borne without some uneasiness. Raillery is the most refined way of exposing the faults of others: but, because it is usually done with wit and good language, and gives entertainment to the company, people are led into a mistake, that where it keeps within fair bounds there is no incivility in it. And so the pleasantry of this sort of conversation often introduces it amongst people of the better rank; and such talkers are favourably heard and generally applauded by the laughter of the bystanders on their side. But they ought to consider, that the entertainment of the rest of the company is at the cost of that one who is set out in their burlesque colours, who therefore is not without uneasiness, unless the subject for which he is rallied be really in itself matter of commendation. For then the pleasant images and representations which make the raillery carrying praise as well as sport with them, the rallied person also finds his account, and takes part in the diversion. But because the right management of so nice and ticklish a business, wherein a little slip may spoil all, is not every body's talent, I think those who would secure themselves from provoking others, especially all young people, should carefully abstain from raillery, which by a small mistake or any wrong turn, may leave upon the mind of those who are made uneasy by it, the lasting memory of having been piquantly, though wittily, taunted for some thing censurable in them.

3. 非難 |  非難別人，找別人的錯，是與禮貌直接對立的。人無論是不是真的犯了錯，都不願意當著自己的或別人的麵，把它們在光天化日下公開展示。任何人有缺點總會感到羞恥；一旦被人發現，或僅僅是被人疑心有缺點，也會令人不安的。揶揄是最文雅的方法來指出別人的過失：不過因為它通常是用打趣與愉快的語言，還給在場的人以娛樂，人們就產生一種錯覺，認為它在適當的範圍之內，其中沒有無禮的成分。而且這種取笑的談話方式在地位較高的人群中流行，這樣講話者人們願意傾聽，和他們站在一邊的旁觀者常常以笑聲為他們喝彩。但是他們應該考慮，在場其他人的娛樂是以那被嘲弄模仿的人為代價的，那被嘲笑的人因此不能不感到不安，除非那被揶揄的事情本身是值得稱讚的。因為那時愉快的描繪和表現使揶揄成為既是開玩笑又是讚揚，被揶揄的人也能找到自己的價值，並且加入去娛樂。但是因為正確的處理它是如此微妙、如此棘手的一件事，一點點的失誤就可能全弄糟了，這不是每個人的強項，我覺得那些不願觸怒別人的人，特別是所有的年輕人，應該小心地避免揶揄，因為一點小錯或走錯一步，可能使被揶揄的人不安的心中留下長久的記憶，覺得自己因為可責備的事情而受到雖然風趣但卻尖刻的奚落。

Besides raillery, contradiction is a sort of censoriousness wherein ill-breeding often shews it self. Complaisance does not require that we should always admit all the reasonings or relations that the company is entertained with, no, nor silently to let pass all that is vented in our hearing. The opposing the opinions, and rectifying the mistakes of others, is what truth and charity sometimes require of us, and civility does not oppose, if it be done with due caution and care of circumstances. But there are some people, that one may observe, possessed as it were with the spirit of contradiction, that steadily, and without regard to right or wrong, oppose some one, or, perhaps, every one of the company, whatever they say. This is so visible and outrageous a way of censuring, that nobody can avoid thinking himself injured by it. All opposition to what another man has said, is so apt to be suspected of censoriousness, and is so seldom received without some sort of humiliation, that it ought to be made in the gentlest manner, and softest words can be found, and such as with the whole deportment may express no forwardness to contradict. All marks of respect and good will ought to accompany it, that whilst we gain the argument, we may not lose the esteem of those that hear us.

除了揶揄，反駁也是一種非難別人、顯示不良教養的方式。彬彬有禮並不是要求我們總是接受別人的推理與看法，也不總是沉默地放過我們聽到的所有言論。真理與仁愛有時候要我們反對別人的意見，矯正別人的錯誤，如果做的時候謹慎小心，注意客觀環境，那是不違反禮儀。但是你會看到有一些人懷著愛反駁的情緒，總是不管對錯，不斷地反對某一個人，甚至反對在場的每一個人，也不管他們說的什麽。這是一種極明顯、極荒謬的責難方式，被指責的人沒有不覺得自己受到傷害的。所有對別人的話的反對，很容易被懷疑成非難，很少有人能在接受的時候不感到有點羞辱，所以應該用最和善的態度、最柔和的言辭來表達，要從完整的儀態來表明你不想冒失衝突。要表現所有的尊敬與善意，這樣當我們贏得辯論勝利的時候，我們也不會失去對方的尊重。

4. CAPTIOUSNESS | Captiousness is another fault opposite to civility; not only because it often produces misbecoming and provoking expressions and carriage, but because it is a tacit accusation and reproach of some incivility taken notice of in those whom we are angry with. Such a suspicion or intimation cannot be borne by any one without uneasiness. Besides, one angry body discomposes the whole company, and the harmony ceases upon any such jarring.

4. 刁難 |  刁難是與禮貌相衝突的另一種過犯；不僅因為它常常帶來不適宜的和激怒人的表情與舉止，而且因為我們生氣的時候，它是我們對於對方的無禮的一種無言的譴責與責備。這樣的懷疑與暗示是不可能不讓人不安的。而且一個憤怒的人會使所有在場的人感到煩惱，和睦的氣氛也因這種衝突而消失。

The happiness that all men so steadily pursue consisting in pleasure, it is easy to see why the civil are more acceptable than the useful. The ability, sincerity, and good intention of a man of weight and worth, or a real friend, seldom atones for the uneasiness that is produced by his grave and solid representations. Power and riches, nay virtue itself, are valued only as conducing to our happiness. And therefore he recommends himself ill to another as aiming at his happiness, who, in the services he does him, makes him uneasy in the manner of doing them. He that knows how to make those he converses with easy, without debasing himself to low and servile flattery, has found the true art of living in the world, and being both welcome and valued every where. Civility therefore is what in the first place should with great care be made habitual to children and young people.

人們不斷追求的幸福包含著快樂，由此可以容易知道為什麽文明的人比有用的人更為人所認同。一個有分量、有價值的人或者一個真正的朋友，他的能力、真誠和善意很少可以抵消他的嚴肅與出色表現帶給人的局促不安。權力和財富，甚至美德本身，被看重也隻在於能增進我們的幸福。所以一個人幫助別人，但他幫助的方式讓人不自在，就別人的幸福而言，他是不會為人所接受的。那些知道怎樣使與他交往的人感到自在，而又不貶低自己到低下與阿諛逢迎的地位的人，就發現了處世的真正藝術，是會到處受到歡迎與重視的。所以彬彬有禮是小孩和年輕人應該非常小心養成習慣的頭等大事。

There is another fault in good manners, and that is excess of ceremony, and an obstinate persisting to force upon another what is not his due, and what he cannot take without folly or shame. This seems rather a design to expose than oblige: or at least looks like a contest for mastery, and at best is but troublesome, and so can be no part of good-breeding, which has no other use or end but to make people easy and satisfied in their conversation with us. This is a fault few young people are apt to fall into; but yet if they are ever guilty of it, or are suspected to incline that way, they should be told of it, and warned of this mistaken civility. The thing they should endeavour and aim at in conversation, should be to shew respect, esteem, and good-will, by paying to every one that common ceremony and regard which is in civility due to them. To do this without a suspicion of flattery, dissimulation, or meanness, is a great skill, which good sense, reason, and good company can only teach; but is of so much use in civil life that it is well worth the studying.

另外還有一種缺點在良好舉止中，那就是過度的虛禮，並且執意堅持把過分的、別人接受也不能不感到愚蠢或羞愧的禮節強加於人。這看起來與其是感激不如說是故意讓人出醜：或者至少是象在爭勝，最好也是令人討厭的，決不是良好教養的一部分，因為良好教養的用處與目的隻有讓那些與我們交往的人感到輕鬆和滿足。這種過失年輕人很少會犯；但是萬一他們犯了，或者有將犯的嫌疑，那就應該告訴他們，警告他們不犯這種禮儀的錯誤。他們在交往中應該盡力、應該針對的目標是在禮儀上對每個人都恰當地表示起碼的禮節與尊敬。能做到這一點卻又沒有諂媚、虛偽或卑鄙的嫌疑，這是一個重要的技巧，隻有良好的判斷力、理智和優秀的朋伴才可以教導；但是這種技巧在社會生活中極其有用，所以值得學習。

Though the managing ourselves well in this part of our behaviour has the name of good-breeding, as if peculiarly the effect of education; yet, as I have said, young children should not be much perplexed about it; I mean, about putting off their hats and making legs modishly. Teach them humility, and to be good-natured, if you can, and this sort of manners will not be wanting; civility being in truth nothing but a care not to shew any slighting or contempt of any one in conversation. What are the most allowed and esteemed ways of expressing this, we have above observed. It is as peculiar and different, in several countries of the world, as their languages; and therefore, if it be rightly considered, rules and discourses made to children about it, are as useless and impertinent, as it would be now and then to give a rule or two of the Spanish tongue to one that converses only with Englishmen. Be as busy as you please with discourses of civility to your son, such as is his company, such will be his manners. A plough-man of your neighbourhood that has never been out of his parish, read what lectures you please to him, will be as soon in his language as his carriage a courtier; that is, in neither will be more polite than those he uses to converse with: and therefore, of this no other care can be taken till he be of an age to have a tutor put to him, who must not fail to be a well-bred man. And, in good earnest, if I were to speak my mind freely, so children do nothing out of obstinacy, pride, and ill-nature, it is no great matter how they put off their hats or make legs. If you can teach them to love and respect other people, they will, as their age requires it, find ways to express it acceptably to every one, according to the fashions they have been used to: and as to their motions and carriage of their bodies, a dancing-master, as has been said, when it is fit, will teach them what is most becoming. In the mean time, when they are young, people expect not that children should be over-mindful of these ceremonies; carelessness is allowed to that age, and becomes them as well as compliments do grown people: or, at least, if some very nice people will think it a fault, I am sure it is a fault that should be over-looked, and left to time, a tutor and conversation to cure. And therefore I think it not worth your while to have your son (as I often see children are) molested or chid about it. But where there is pride or ill-nature appearing in his carriage, there he must be persuaded or shamed out of it.

雖然我們在這方麵的行為上做得好叫做有良好的教養，就好象教育的特有效果似的。但是就如我說過的，小孩不應該為此受困擾；我的意思是他們脫帽與屈腿致敬的姿勢是否時髦並不重要。如果你能盡力把謙遜與善良的品性教給他們，這樣的舉止就不會缺乏；禮儀其實隻是一種小心，不在交往中對任何人表現一點點冷落或輕視。能夠表達這種禮儀的最受認可、最受尊重的方法，我們在前麵已經說過。世上各個國家的禮儀，就如它們的語言一樣，是各有特點與各不相同的；所以，假如我們確實地想一想，教給小孩的規矩與論述是無用與無關的，就如同間或地給一個隻與英國人交談的人教一兩條說西班牙語的規則。盡管你可以盡量與你的兒子討論禮儀，但是他的夥伴是什麽樣，他的舉止也會是什麽樣。你的鄰居農夫從來沒有走出過他的教區，無論你怎樣教化他，他的言行仍然是一個諂媚者的樣式；就是說，他不會比那些他日常交往的人更有禮貌。所以，對此沒有別的辦法，隻有等他年紀夠了去請一個導師教他，而且導師必須是一個有良好教養的人。如果我可以自由抒發我的心意，我鄭重地主張隻要小孩做事不是出於執拗、驕傲和心地不良，他們是不是脫帽或屈腿行禮並沒有多大關係。如果你能教他們愛別人、尊敬別人，當他們年紀長到有需要的時候，他們會按照風尚習慣，找到為人所接受的表示禮貌的方法；至於他們身體的動作和舉止，就如已說過的，到適當的時候，一個舞蹈老師就可以教給他們最合適的姿態。同時，當他們年輕的時候，人們並不期待他們過於注重這些儀式；粗心大意對那個年齡允許的，適合他們就如同誇獎讚美適合成人一樣；或者即使有一些非常嚴格的人認為這是一種過失，至少我確信這是一種可以忽略的過失，應該留給時間、導師與交往來矯治。所以我認為你不值得為此花時間去幹涉或責罵你的兒子 (我常常見到孩子被如此對待)。但是萬一他的舉止中有驕傲或惡意的成分，那就必須勸阻或使他羞愧來消除。

INTERRUPTION | Though children, when little, should not be much perplexed with rules and ceremonious parts of breeding, yet there is a sort of unmannerliness very apt to grow up with young people if not early restrained, and that is, a forwardness to interrupt others that are speaking, and to stop them with some contradiction. Whether the custom of disputing, and the reputation of parts and learning usually given to it as if it were the only standard and evidence of knowledge, make young men so forward to watch occasions to correct others in their discourse, and not to slip any opportunity of shewing their talents: so it is, that I have found scholars most blamed in this point. There cannot be a greater rudeness, than to interrupt another in the current of his discourse; for if there be not impertinent folly in answering a man before we know what he will say, yet it is a plain declaration, that we are weary to hear him talk any longer, and have a disesteem of what he says; which we judging not fit to entertain the company, desire them to give audience to us, who have something to produce worth their attention. This shews a very great disrespect, and cannot but be offensive: and yet this is what almost all interruption constantly carries with it. To which, if there be added, as is usual, a correcting of any mistake, or a contradiction of what has been said, it is a mark of yet greater pride and self-conceitedness, when we thus intrude our selves for teachers, and take upon us either to set another right in his story, or shew the mistakes of his judgment.

插嘴 |  雖然孩子小的時候不該受到教養的規矩與儀式方麵的過多束縛，但是年輕人有一種不禮貌的行為，如果不早加以約束，就很容易滋長，那就是別人說話時魯莽地插嘴，以反駁來打斷別人說話。不知是習慣於爭論，還是爭論帶來的能力與學問的名聲使年輕人認為辯論是知識的唯一標準與證明，他們總是在交談中找機會去糾正別人，不想失掉任何機會來顯示他們的才能；我發現學者在這一點上是最應該受到譴責的。沒有比在別人說話時打斷他更加無禮的；因為如果不是因為魯莽愚蠢而搶在別人將說什麽之前去答複他，那也是明顯地表示我們厭煩他再繼續說下去，輕視他所說的話；我們覺得這不能娛樂在座的人，所以想讓他們聽我們的，我們可以告訴他們值得傾聽的事情。這表現出極大的不敬，隻會令人不快的；但是幾乎所有的插話都帶有這樣的壞處。如果在插話之外，再加上通常的糾正別人的錯誤，反駁別人所說的話，我們就是自己強充先生，主動承擔去改正別人的敘述，或去指出別人判斷的錯誤，這是更大的驕傲與自負的標誌。

I do not say this, that I think there should be no difference of opinions in conversation, nor opposition in men's discourses: this would be to take away the greatest advantage of society, and the improvements that are to be made by ingenious company; where the light is to be got from the opposite arguings of men of parts, showing the different sides of things, and their various aspects and probabilities, would be quite lost, if every one were obliged to assent to, and say after the first speaker. It is not the owning one's dissent from another that I speak against, but the manner of doing it. Young men should be taught not to be forward to interpose their opinions, unless asked, or when others have done and are silent; and then only by way of inquiry, not instruction. The positive asserting, and the magisterial air, should be avoided; and when a general pause of the whole company affords an opportunity, they may modestly put in their question as learners.

我並不是說，我覺得交談的時候不能有不同的意見，也不是說不能反對別人的言論：這會消除社交的最大益處，使人不能從聰明的夥伴那裏得到提高；假如第一個人說話之後，餘下的每一個人必須讚同他，那麽有才能的人互相辯論，得以顯示事情的各個方麵和各種可能性，這樣的好處就失去了。我不是反對跟別人的意見不一樣，我是反對表示相反意見的方式。應該教導年輕人不要中途插話發表意見，除非是別人問到，或者當別人已經說完話，沒有人說的時候；而且隻能用請教的口吻，不要用指點的方式。絕對的斷言與威嚴的氣勢應該加以避免；當在座的人都停止講話，在此機會，才以學習者的身份謙遜地提出問題。

This becoming decency will not cloud their parts, nor weaken the strength of their reason; but bespeak the more favourable attention, and give what they say the greater advantage. An ill argument, or ordinary observation, thus introduced, with some civil preface of deference and respect to the opinions of others, will procure them more credit and esteem, than the sharpest wit, or profoundest science, with a rough, insolent, or noisy management; which always shocks the hearers, and leaves an ill opinion of the man, though he get the better of it in the argument.

這種相稱的得體禮儀不會掩蓋他們的才能，也不會削弱他們理性的力量；反而讓他們得到更好的關注，給他們所說的話更大的益處。一個不利的論點，或者一般的評論，這樣提出並在前麵加上一些尊重別人意見的禮貌的引語，會使他們取得更多的榮譽和敬重，超過用一種粗魯的、狂傲的或聒噪的方式表達出的最聰明的機智或最艱深的科學知識；這後者總使聽者感到反感，即使他在爭論中取勝，也給人留下不好的看法。

DISPUTE | This therefore should be carefully watched in young people, stopped in the beginning, and the contrary habit introduced in all their conversation. And the rather, because forwardness to talk, frequent interruptions in arguing, and loud wrangling, are too often observable amongst grown people, even of rank amongst us. The Indians, whom we call barbarous, observe much more decency and civility in their discourses and conversation, giving one another a fair silent hearing till they have quite done; and then answering them calmly, and without noise or passion. And if it be not so in this civilized part of the world, we must impute it to a neglect in education, which has not yet reformed this ancient piece of barbarity amongst us. Was it not, think you, an entertaining spectacle, to see two ladies of quality accidentally seated on the opposite sides of a room, set round with company, fall into a dispute, and grow so eager in it, that in the heat of the controversy, edging by degrees their chairs forwards, they were in a little time got up close to one another in the middle of the room; where they for a good while managed the dispute as fiercely as two game-cocks in the pit, without minding or taking any notice of the circle, which could not all the while forbear smiling? This I was told by a person of quality, who was present at the combat, and did not omit to reflect upon the indecencies that warmth in dispute often runs people into; which, since custom makes too frequent, education should take the more care of. There is no body but condemns this in others, though they overlook it in themselves; and many who are sensible of it in themselves, and resolve against it, cannot yet get rid of an ill custom, which neglect in their education has suffered to settle into an habit.

爭執 | 所以這種情況在年輕人身上要小心地注意，一開始就加以阻止，並讓他們在交往中養成相反的習慣。因為搶著說話，常常在辯論時插嘴，以及高聲爭吵，在成人身上也常常看到，甚至發生在我們這個階層的人中間。印第安人，就是我們稱作野蠻人的，在他們的討論與交談中遵循更得體、更禮貌的規矩，他們彼此靜默聆聽直到講話的人說完；然後他們才冷靜地回答，既不吵鬧也不動感情。如果在文明世界還不能做到這一點，我們隻能將其歸咎於缺乏教育，還沒有把我們這種古代的野蠻行為改變過來。如果兩個有身份的貴婦人偶然坐在一個房間相對的兩邊，周圍坐著許多人，她們卻爭吵起來，而且爭吵如此起勁，在爭端的高潮，漸漸都把座椅前移，短時間內她們站在房間中央，互相靠近；一段時間中她們激烈爭論就象兩隻鬥雞在鬥雞場上，不介意或不注意忍俊不禁的圍觀者，你難道不認為這是令人捧腹的奇觀嗎？這是一個有身份的人告訴我的，他親眼看見這場爭吵，還沒有忘了仔細思考人們激烈爭論時容易表現的極端的不禮貌；這是習俗使其常常出現，所以教育應該更多地對付處理這種情況。人們隻是譴責別人有這種毛病，卻忽略自己也有這毛病；而且很多人知道自己有這毛病，並且決心要改，卻不能丟掉這壞習氣，因為他們教育上的疏忽使這毛病變成了習慣。

Company | What has been above said concerning company, would perhaps, if it were well reflected on, give us a larger prospect, and let us see how much farther its influence reaches. It is not the modes of civility alone, that are imprinted by conversation: the tincture of company sinks deeper than the out-side. And possibly, if a true estimate were made of the morality and religions of the world, we should find that the far greater part of mankind received even those opinions, and ceremonies they would die for, rather from the fashions of their countries, and the constant practice of those about them, than from any conviction of their reasons. I mention this only to let you see of what moment I think company is to your son in all the parts of his life, and therefore how much that one part is to be weighed and provided for; it being of greater force to work upon him, than all you can do besides.

夥伴 |  假如我們仔細想一想上麵所說的有關夥伴的話，也許可以給我們更大的展望，讓我們看到它的影響有多麽深遠。交往給我們留下的印記不隻是禮儀的方式；同伴的影響浸潤深入外表之下。假如可能的話，讓我們真正估計一下世上的道德與宗教，我們就會發現絕大多數人不惜生命堅持的見解和禮儀，多是出自於他們國家的風尚和他們周圍人的不斷實踐，而不是出自於他們自己的理智。我說這話的意思是讓你明白，我認為夥伴何時對你兒子生活的各個方麵有影響，因此要針對那個方麵有所考量與準備；因為夥伴對他的影響作用比你能做的別的所有事情都要大。

 

摘自Some Thoughts Concerning Education (English-Chinese Edition)(ISBN-10: 1537479857)