暖冬cool夏
這裏一年四季溫暖如春，沒有酷暑沒有嚴寒......
正文
一直想寫鄰居Tom，因為他是我來美國後，除了公司老美同事之外，接觸最多的白人。以前曾經動過筆，寫下一點點中文和英文，覺得寫得不好，就丟在了一邊。而今天促使我再次提筆的卻是因為鄰居A告訴我，Tom走了。 我知道我寫什麽Tom都不會看到，也看不懂。而在我，寫他，或許就是一種釋懷。
Tom自老伴十年前去世後一直一個人住。聽A講，Tom的兒子，女兒都住在附近，女兒每天早上會打電話給Tom，確定父親一切安好。10月3、4號早晨，女兒打電話給父親，估計沒人接，發現情況不妙，來父親住處，發現湯姆已經走了。據說是心髒麻痹過世的，享年87歲。
上星期五(10/25)上班路上， A微信我，告訴我這個消息時，我心裏難過了好一陣子。雖然平日裏接觸並不多，我們白天上班，周末也不太碰得到，但當我得知再也見不到這樣一位老人時，心中的哀傷慢慢彌漫開來，老人的音容笑貌不停地在眼前晃動。
十幾年前，這一片新房建好後，我們這些新住戶被開發公司的銷售人員召集在一起，搞了一個簡單的慶祝儀式，鄰裏間借此相互認識。那是我第一次見到Tom和他太太Alisa, 兩位麵善的白人老人。
Tom祖上是愛爾蘭移民，他個不高，偏瘦，一頭白發，人看上去很精神，也很健談。每次見到他，總是幹幹淨淨，穿戴整齊，十幾年都如此。我們這一片六戶人家，是兩排房子，一排各三間。Tom的房子在他那一排的角上，我的家在另一排的中間，中間隔著車道，車庫斜對著車庫，正門各自在車庫的另一邊。Tom的家在他太太在世的時候去過一次，他的家、車庫和他的人一樣非常幹淨整潔。
Tom年輕時當過兵(海軍工程兵)，退役後又上大學讀法律，畢業後一直是個律師。他人很聰明，講起話來思路非常清楚，懂的很多，也很熱心，常常給我們一些房子、社區問題上的tips。Tom退休後一直在家裏接點私活，我都曾經想過讓他幫忙做個living trust,，問過了價格，因為事情不緊要，一直耽擱了下來。 他出的價格很公道，就像他這個人，很講理，很和善，很自律。幾年前一次聊天時，我給了他我的新電話號碼，讓他如果有急事需要幫忙聯係我們，而他自始至終都沒有麻煩過我們一次。
Tom有四個孩子。兩個兒子，一個女兒住在附近，另一個住在東部。不過，我一直都沒有見過他的孩子，也許他們來，都是從前門走的。老人從來沒有在我們麵前說過子女半點不是，或許是我們之間沒有那麽close, 或許是老人很知足，總說孩子們對他好，說父親節，感恩節，聖誕都會叫上他去吃飯、團聚。有一年兒子女兒全家帶著他去歐洲玩了好幾個星期，老人跟我說起時，描述的話語裏有種驕傲和滿足。
Tom的太太Alisa大概十年前去世的。去世好久後的一天Tom告訴我，太太去世了，是半夜發現不對，叫了救護車送到醫院，後來在醫院走的。太太走後， Tom一個人住。有時我打開車庫門倒垃圾或是出門，會碰見Tom, 而每次隻要有機會，Tom都要拉著我聊上一個多小時。所以有段時間，自己忙的時候，甚至有過一種心理，希望打開車庫門時，不要碰見Tom， 否則被他拉住了，又不好意思打斷人家，就像有一次中午回家吃飯，吃完飯後準備回公司上班，打開車庫門碰見了Tom, 被他拉住聊天，一聊又是近一個小時，等談話結束，匆匆趕回公司，我的午休時間早就大大超時了。可今天，我又多麽希望打開車庫門時還能再見到他，多點時間陪他聊聊天。。。
老人是孤獨的。Tom一個修養這麽好的人，是不會輕易把孤獨兩個字說出口，或是寫在臉上的。可你一旦走近他，就能感覺到他的孤獨，那種內心深處的孤獨。一次聊天，我問他，你想念Alisa嗎？ Tom回答到" Every day"。隨後掏出口袋裏的錢包，打開來，給我看太太的照片，講述他對太太的思念。記得那是一個夏日的傍晚，車道上空空的，就站著我們兩個人。夏風吹拂，靜靜的車道上空漂浮著Tom的聲音，那一刻，一種濃濃的孤獨之情讓我壓抑讓我傷悲。人的一生有太多孤獨的時候，尤其老了，要孤獨麵對生活，麵對死亡，那種的感覺我已經在老人平和的言語中提前體驗到了。
老人平時看上去很健康，膚色白淨紅潤，如果不是他親口告訴我，他做過心髒手術，如果不是他卷起衣袖給我看他胳膊手上的血淤，告訴我他的手稍微一碰就瘀血了，我都不相信他有心髒問題。每次見到他，我都會說You look great，而他幾乎每次都回答說I feel great， 還信心滿滿地說，按照統計數據，他如果過了多少歲一道坎，他應該能活到多少歲的。 然而，這話好像說了一年不到，老人還是走了，走的悄無聲息，就像一盞油燈亮著亮著，燈內的油越來越少，一陣風吹過，便熄了。
Tom性格非常溫和，人非常和善睿智，絲毫沒有白人骨子裏的優越感或是歧視心理，但是他對中國的了解又是片麵的或者說是有偏見，至少是停留在二十世紀六七十年代的水平，停留在以前媒體的宣傳上。幾年前，老人告訴我，他要參加附近一所大學組織的旅行團，由中國政府組織、補貼。他興匆匆地告訴我，那天我讓他到家裏坐了坐，找出兩本英文版的中國旅遊手冊，跟他簡單地講了講各個地方的景點。老人告訴我，他們團隊準備了一些小旗幟，每一麵旗幟上麵寫上中文"自由，平等，民主"。我還順便教他如何說這六個中文字。我不知道在他的了解中，中國人是怎樣的一個團體，中國這個國家是什麽樣一個形象，那次中國之行留給他的印象如何，有沒有改變他陳舊的觀念。隻記得他從中國回來後告訴我，他在蘇州園林玩時，人很多，行人很粗魯，撞到了他，因為老人的血循環不好，稍微一碰就會瘀血，所以他特別在意。他還把書還給了我，書中夾著三張first- class的普通郵票，郵票上沒有任何其他圖案，簡簡單單的英文字，Liberty, Freedom, Peace。隻是我不記得郵票被我放到哪裏了，今日記起，好想翻箱倒櫃地去把它們找出來再仔細看看，那上麵寄托著老人對中國、對世界美好心願。
那天，某人公司發了很多瓶酒，我還心想著哪天碰到Tom了，給他拿兩瓶去，不想沒有機會了。 周五早晨上班開車的路上，鄰居A告訴我說，她也剛剛知道Tom走了，他的funeral mass在十點鍾。因為跟他的孩子不熟，要上班，離十點鍾也就一個多小時，加上沒有任何準備，我說我可能去不了了。 A說她也去不了，因為她剛剛旅行回來，病了，不過她剛剛order了delivered的花。我問，我能不能chip in這花，A說，太晚了，投遞公司都不能保證今天能及時送到。我隻好作罷。下班吃晚飯時又跟某人說起Tom的事，某人也不無遺憾地說，兩三個星期前早上打開車庫門準備上班時還被Tom叫住，因為自己那天有早會，不能多聊，匆匆打了個照麵，不想竟是訣別。
這兩天，一股淡淡的憂傷始終在心底。十幾年的鄰居走了，一個我身邊熟悉的好人離世了，而我居然是過了兩三個星期才知道。我無法想象她女兒打電話給他，無人接聽，趕到家中發現老人已經走了的心情。望著斜對麵人去樓空的家，回想著這些天夜晚沒有燈光的房子，想著再也見不到Tom了，再也沒有人會拉著我在窗下聊天了，悲從心起。他悄悄地走了，我也沒能去送他一程，隻好將這無處表達的心意，注入筆尖，化作一束心香，紀念天堂裏的Tom，願他安息!
下麵的英文是一兩年前寫的，沒寫完，一起貼在這裏了。 Though I am prepared that an old man like Tom may leave us one day, when I heard the news that He wad gone, sadness swelled up to the throat......
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When the garage door was rolled up, I was bending myself in the corner, collecting all the trashes to a big bag for the next day’s pickup. I heard the rumbling noise from a neighbor’s garage door, and from the direction, I know it is Tom’s.
A minute later, Tom called my name from the driveway when I was still crouching over the big trash bag. I stood up and walked out to greet him, and thus started a chat that lasted about an hour, invariably. At the end of the talk, he would never forget to add a very polite remark like “Say hi to A (my husband)”.
Tom is about 85 years old now. He is short, slim and lithe, always in his neatly ironed shirt. He is an Irish descendant, with a fair color complexion and gray hair, of course, at his age. He looks healthy and smart, and is a lawyer, who at this age still reads and has occasional cases to bring himself some extra money.
Thirteen years ago, when six families in the same block bought our homes, we were gathered in a celebratory meeting for acquaintances. That’s how we first got to know Tom and his wife. They live in a bigger home in the corner, while we live in the middle, with a driveway dividing us in between. Tom’s wife Alisa is also a very clean and nice lady, who relished at keeping house tidy and her washing machine busy according to Tom. She passed away two or three years’ later. An ambulance was called one night, without our knowledge, to take Alisa to the hospital, and she was never back. When Tom told me months later in his calm voice, I was shocked and saddened at the loss. I could not tell much from Tom’s facial expression how he felt. But many years later, once I asked Tom if he still missed his wife. “Every day”, he responded, his hand reaching for his pocket the next moment. There right under a thin plastic sheet of his wallet was a picture of Alisa. I gazed at the fading color picture, listening to Tom’s voice echoing in the driveway. A loneliness was floating in the air.
I always ascribed Tom’s talkativeness to his being lonely when a casual conversation easily extended to an hour long. In the conversations, I was mostly a listener, listening to his stories and latest news of the community, as he attended every community association meeting. Most importantly, Tom is very knowledgeable, knowing the rules like his thumbs. Being a lawyer, he knows how to protect his interest by simply indicating his profession when needed. He is a warm-hearted person who likes to share his knowledge and advice on local or global issues, ranging from home warranty, property taxes, geographic development of the cities or counties, books he reads daily, to state or world affairs. His life experience, warmth, and his mild temperament made him a welcoming figure in the neighborhood.
Tom has two sons and one daughter living around in the same county, though I never got a chance to meet them. They both have decent jobs and families and would occasionally take Tom to their homes for dinners at Thanksgiving, Christmas or other holidays. Tom prided himself over the two caring sons, who once brought him along to the European trip for a few weeks.
One day, Tom told me excitedly that he got subsidized for a group trip to China, organized by a local college. At that, I invited him over to our home, giving him two Chinese tour books in English. Like many brain-washed whites, he also looked on China as a strictly dictatorial country, where people cry out for democracy, liberty and peace. When he came back from the trip, he returned the two books to me, though I meant as gifts, along with three stamps, with the word Democracy, Liberty and Peace on them individually. He did not talk much about the political environment he might feel, only a descriptive comment of how he got bruised by a rude passenger bumping into him.
你家某人的單位還發酒啊，真有口福！
暖冬周末快樂！
祝暖冬周末快樂。
唉，老了都是悲哀啊，尤其是後走的那個。
我看過有單住的八十多歲的老人，家裏有住家保姆，就好很多。
Just read again your new post, word by word.:) Thanks again, my friend.
I think that's part of it. Here is the exact quote (Achilles to Briseis):
I'll tell you a secret. . .
. . .something they don't teach you in your temple.
The gods envy us.
They envy us because we're mortal.
Because any moment might be our last.
Everything's more beautiful because we're doomed.
想想他還是蠻不錯的，87歲，沒有去醫院搶救什麽的就安靜地走了，算是享福的。
人老了就會孤獨的，尤其是那一半走後，會更加覺得有些淒涼，很無奈的。
雖然知道人生來就是孤獨的，但能做到享受孤獨很不容易。昨晚在油管上看撒貝寧主持的《開講了》這個節目時，演講的人是周潤發，當他被聽講的年輕學子問到：她跟周潤發一樣，都是屬於貧寒家庭出身，小小年紀就要去打工，心中的苦又無法釋懷時，該怎麽做？周潤發說的好，把自己變成好幾個自己，跟自己訴說，跟別人訴說沒有用，經曆就是最好的成長的財富。我想這就是跟自己做朋友的詮釋吧。
忍受孤獨，並能享受孤獨，是我們這一生要必修的功課。人需要不斷地修行，才能達到忘我的境界。
就那麽個把月，我的兩個西洋朋友突然走了，讓我難過了好一陣子，而且都是年輕老人。
一個是批中人士，71歲。為了批中，他居然去大學學了四年漢語。用吵架的方式，跟我練習漢語，真夠奇葩的吧。大家都是有度量的人，懟嘴之餘依然是朋友，隻是隨著中國的不斷崛起，他的聲音越來越弱，到今天居然沒了，沒了反而讓我更想念他了。
另一個是職業攝影師，有自己的店麵。他教我如何從不美的角度，拍出最美的那麵，捕捉那最美的時刻，前提是心態要正麵。”再醜也有最美的時候”，是他的經典語錄之一。
一次受教於他的審美學，一杯咖啡的功夫時間給我上了一節課。從不同的角度欣賞女人，如何要用精準而恰當的語言激發女人，使其散發出瞬間的那種天資底質的美。
因要送孩子上學，五、六年間，我們每天都在同一個酒吧同一個時段吃早點。晨聊的老朋友、少見難得的美學老師，就這麽靜悄悄地走了，時年才72歲。
Mass去的次數也越來越多了，盡管我不是教徒。感悟人生，還是努力享受當日吧，人生就那麽幾天而已。
I found a very obvious grammatical mistake when I read my English part.
Tom’s wife Alisa is also a very clean and nice lady, who relished at keeping house tidy and her whirling washing machine busy according to Tom, passed away two or three years’ later. =Tom’s wife Alisa is also a very clean and nice lady, who relished at keeping house tidy and her whirling washing machine busy according to Tom, She passed away two or three years’ later.
Thanks for reading and comment, my friend.
- The Greek: The gods envy us because we may die any moment. -- Achilles in the movie "Troy."
- The Roman: Death smiles at all of us. The only thing one can do is to smile back. -- Marcus Aurelius in the movie "The Gladiator."
- The Norse: Humans help the gods in war against evil and meet destruction. -- Mythology by Edith Hamilton.
...
I personally like the Roman one. If one can smile back at death, 孤獨 would look petty.