Exchange with a Friend on Chinese New Year\'s Eve

 

 

Exchange with a Friend on Chinese New Year’s Eve (my friend’s in italic) 

by Lostalley

Dear Edgar,

Upon receiving your message, I was watching "Boys form Brazil" for the second time, the first being a long while ago, I can't even remember. 70s is renaissance for film. Acting, directing, music, screenplay, are substantially appealing.  

Lunar New Year is mostly a formality to me. I called my dad and my sister who was with my parents last night. That's all I did for the Chinese ritual celebration. I am not a holiday person. I feel alienated and lonely on holidays. It's always been this way since I was little. Mingling with relatives and friends brought by festivity has strange effect on psychology. It feels good with a familiar warmth at first, then sinks into an emotional stagnation, then ends with a guilt that higher appreciation of beauty based on selfness is surrendered and diminished. From teenage to adulthood, in populous existentialistic environment of China, I was in constant struggle between conforming to norms and retaining my own identity, which was painful and inspiring at the same time. In America, I’ve gained a world of my own without significance and meaningfulness I was brought up to accept unconditionally, but with an individualistic dimension that relies on nobody but me. I can't say whether it's good or bad. It's a reality. My life forward will be more of this orientation with unpredictable initiatives and endeavors, whatever they may be. 

My sister told me that a colleague of my mom paid a surprise visit yesterday. Mr. Liu is a scientist at my mom’s material research institute. He and my mom are on very good terms. When I was 13 and fell in love with violin, he gave me one, the music sheets (36 Violin Studies by Heinrich Ernst Keyser), and taught me occasionally (he is a decent violinist by amateur standards). He lent me records and one of them was Tchaikovsky's Valse-Scherzo in C major, Op. 34, played by Leonid Kogan, who is my favorite violinist, one of the greatest from Soviet Union era when classical musicians, dancers, artists of masterful statue were bred with superb skill and supreme artistry that following generations can only sigh for. I had listened to that record hundreds of times, if not thousands. I dreamt about becoming a pro in an orchestra one day and practiced with passionate intensity. At an impressionable age with such a devotion, I revered Mr. Liu. He was instrumental in shaping my appreciation for western music, its history and anecdotes. I owe so much to him, yet he is so humble, even invisible. A truly fine gentleman in all aspects. 

Mr. Liu had a tough time at the institute and was forced to retire early. He lost touch with my mom since. Somehow, he managed to find my parents' address through another retiree and came unexpectedly on Chinese New Year's Eve. My mom recognized him but couldn't utter a word (she suffers Alzheimer and Parkinson). Mr. Liu was overwhelmed with joys and sorrows, and kept apologizing for not coming sooner. He asked about me. Hearing this, I felt like flying in clouds, surreal. Coincidentally, I thought about him a couple of days ago when I was listening to Kogan on Youtube. I will visit him next time in Shanghai. I want to tell him that I still remember every detail of the differences among French, Belgium and Russian ways of holding and pressing a bow he showed me, and Kogan’s Tchaikovsky'Valse-Scherzo is still the best rendition after having listened to many versions by various violinists, dead or living, on record or stage, and I still keep 《36 Violin Studies by Keyser》and the violin he gave me as a gift. 

Thank you, Edgar, and this is a special evening. 

My friend,

I wish you the best in this New Year--health, friendship, family, work, with the doors of imagination always open.

Best,

Edgar