They make you feel safe“feel like home”

10 signs you’re in a relationship with a genuinely kind person

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by  Pearl Nash April 2, 2023, 2:48 pm

“Is this real?”

If you’ve had your share of toxic relationships in the past and you finally meet someone genuinely kind, you may find yourself getting a little suspicious.

So if you really want to know for sure, here are the 10 signs to check if your significant partner is a genuinely kind person.

1) They’re not just kind to YOU

Whether with their friends, family and even strangers, you notice that they often lend a helping hand.  Even at work, they can be relied on for support by colleagues.

While a lot of people seem to do the same thing, what’s different about them is they don’t do it expecting to earn favors, praise, nor attention.

They’ll be kind even to people who will never have the capacity to repay them or people they’ll likely never meet again like waiters or co-passengers in the airport.

Meanness just isn’t in their bones and kindness is how they choose to live.

2) They’re focused on your well-being

This means they’re aware of your triggers and being supportive with your healing.  Even when you have a depressive episode, they don’t make it about them.

They’re quick to take a supportive stance and are even surprisingly intuitive about giving the kind of support you need without you begging.

Whether it’s giving you alone time and space as you cry and let your emotions through, hugs, or lending an extra hand balancing out your tax and finance sheets, your partner is right by your side.

They’re also incredibly attuned to what instantly lifts you up, and will crack up a joke or invite you on a nature walk, or the movies when they notice you need a break from the stress.

3) They don’t see you as competition

Unless you’re playing poker or computer games, they’re simply happy when you’re happy.

While it’s natural to be a supportive partner when your other half is going through a tough time, the true test of a solid relationship is success.

A genuinely kind person will not be threatened by your awards or even bigger salary and they will even be willing to do anything to help you achieve your dreams.

They’ll help you keep track of goals, stay motivated through deadlines, and celebrate both the small wins and the big wins.

Why are they like this?

Their self-esteem is just that solid.

And it’s not because they want you as a trophy partner either, so whatever life path you choose and whatever passions you pursue, they’re on your side.

4) They can’t stay mad at you for so long

Anger is just part of any relationship. It doesn’t mean they’re not kind just because they get mad, they’re just human.

What sets apart a genuinely kind person though is they don’t compile a list of faults nor hold grudges.  They acknowledge their emotions but then they just let it slide.

They realize that holding onto anger isn’t really the most productive nor compassionate way to be in a relationship so when something makes them angry, they find the cause and communicate with you for solutions instead of bottling it all up.

If it’s a small thing, they let it go. If it means a lot to them, they take the time to talk with you so you can come to a mutual understanding and improve your relationship.

5) They don’t keep score on who’s loving more

They’ll wake up early and cook you breakfast before they leave for work when they know you slept late.

They’ll buy you chocolates on your period, and do the dishes and the laundry when you’re not feeling well.

If you’ve been through toxic partners, you might be worried they’ll bring it up to guilt-trip you into doing something… except it never happens.

They don’t make you feel like you’re a burden.

It’s simply the norm for them to consistently perform acts of love and service. It’s just how they define a relationship with someone they love and want to spend their life with.

And because they’re this way, you’re very much inspired to love them 50x in return. So in the end, you just end up having a contest on who loves more!

6) They give real compliments

If you’ve had partners (or even parents) with hyper critical personalities, you may not believe it at first but your partner is not faking it.

They really mean it when they say you look great and that you’re a good writer. They’re not just saying things to make you THINK they’re loving.

And it’s not just the obvious things, too. You notice that they notice what others ignore.

For instance, they’ll compliment you on your capacity to make other people comfortable or the way you remind friends of their gifts and strengths.

But this is a kind of habit for them. It’s effortless. For genuinely kind people, compliments are as natural as breathing.

7) They take accountability for their actions

Even the best of us isn’t perfect but the genuinely kind person doesn’t just admit their fault, they also do their best to repair the relationship and avoid repeating the same behavior.

If you set boundaries for instance and they accidentally cross it, they sincerely apologize, make amends and don’t repeat it again.

They won’t ever try to shift the blame or get defensive. When they’re wrong, they admit it as fast as they realize it.

And when they don’t immediately understand what offended or hurt you, they take the time to talk it through with you when you are ready to make sure that whether unintentionally or not, it doesn’t happen again.

8) They’re not pushovers

While some people equate being kind w‌ith being a pushover, it’s really not the case.

Genuinely kind people are able to enforce strong boundaries (yes, even with you) because they truly care about the sustainability of the relationship.

When they ask you (nicely) not to give them a random visit in their workplace because it stresses them out, they’re doing it not to make you feel unloved. It’s the other way around! They don’t want you to feel unloved, that’s why they don’t want you to make surprise visits.

Setting boundaries is not easy. It requires good communication and courage to be unliked a little bit, but it’s actually the best way to ensure both of you are happy in the relationship.

And because they rarely overextend or repress themselves, you won’t find them holding much resentment towards other people nor you.

9) They have integrity

A genuinely kind person doesn’t shift their values according to what benefits them the most. So even if it will cost them friendships or perks in their career, they stay true to their values.

They don’t change their values according to the group they’re with. And when they believe in something, they always act according to it.

They stick to good morals simply because they want to treat other people fairly.

They just can’t imagine life not living according to their values so they take on only careers and endeavors that align with it.

10) They make you feel safe

This one might be surprising but you know your partner is a genuinely kind person when your sleep quality improves immensely when you’re with them.

This is because your body automatically relaxes and your fight, flight, and freeze responses can finally rest because there is no sense of danger.

Unlike people you feel like walking on eggshells around, a genuinely kind person makes you feel at ease. And this is probably why some people “feel like home”.

Last words 

A genuinely kind partner nowadays can feel nothing short of a miracle. So yes, thank your lucky stars and also know that you have always been deserving of having one.

Together, you’ll be creating a world where compassion and understanding for each other overflows.

You’ll find that this creates opportunities for growth because you are nurturing each other to reach your highest potential.

Your relationship is a gift that serves as an inspiration to those who witness how partners bloom when watered with genuine kindness.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you.

Click the above link to get $50 off your first session – an exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers.

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Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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10 things only honest people understand about life

by  Louise JacksonLast Updated April 2, 2023, 1:44 pm

10 things only honest people understand about life

by  Louise Jackson Last Updated April 2, 2023, 1:44 pm

Pretty much everyone you meet will say that they value honesty in a person.

Society holds truth-telling up as a virtue. But the reality is that many of us still lie and bluff our way through life.

Because honesty takes strength and strong values. But honest folk also know that it’s worth it.

Here are 10 things only honest people understand about life…

1) Winning at “all costs” isn’t really winning

We all like to win.

After all, success feels good. It gives our ego’s a nice little pat on the back.

But there are certain things that are never worth sacrificing in order to get it.

Our integrity is one of those things.

If you have to turn against your values, or what is really important in life, it’s not worth it.

If you have to lie, cheat, and abuse others along the way, the price is too high.

Sadly, we still live in a world where money, power, and status get elevated above more modest aspects of life.

But the root of our happiness and well-being doesn’t lie in these external measures of merit. (Despite how nice they can feel to accumulate).

It comes from a deeper place. It is found in our health, the relationships we build, and the meaning and purpose we create along the way.

Honest people are perfectly aware that being underhand can take you places in life, but it’s not a trade-off they are prepared to make.

2) Ignorance isn’t bliss, it’s just ignorance

Maybe you’ve heard the expression ignorance is bliss.

I’ll level with you:

I think sometimes it can feel like it is.

I think of the people I know who delude themselves. And it does seem to shield them to a certain extent.

They can lie to themselves and pretend a situation is different from how it really is.

They can blame others (or life in general) for their woes and never have to take accountability for themselves.

Whilst I wouldn’t say it’s bliss, ignorance is certainly easier.

You might say “but what you don’t know can’t hurt you, right?”

Personally, I say wrong.

Hiding from the truth does still hurt you. Because ultimately, when we stay ignorant, nothing changes.

We stay stuck.

We cannot face the truth of reality, and so we cannot grow. It robs you of the opportunity to create positive change.

The truth can be painful. But as the cliche goes, it can also set you free.

Until we see reality, we are stumbling around in the dark. The truth is like putting the light on.

Only then can see where we need to go.

3) Honesty takes real courage

For all the reasons I stated above, it’s fair to say that the truth doesn’t always come easy.

As we’ve just seen, it can be a tempting option to simply bury your head in the sand.

That’s why facing the truth and speaking up for it takes courage.

Lies are the scapegoat we often seek to let us off the hook.

They feel like the easy way out so that we don’t have to face uncomfortable situations.

But they are the cowardly option and so ultimately a weakness.

4) Without truth in your relationships, there is no relationship

I am a huge oversharer in my closest relationships.

I’m one of those people who have very few intimate connections. But in the ones I do have, I reveal pretty much everything.

I lay myself bare.

And not just the positive parts that I am proud to share. But the awkward, shameful, or embarrassing parts too.

Because that’s all part of intimacy.

A relationship where we share just the highlights is only half a relationship.

Whether we like it or not, truth matters in our relationships.

It’s how we forge authenticity, vulnerability, and respect — all of which are the foundations of a healthy connection.

Until we can bring truth to our relationships, we can never really share our honest selves with somebody else.

And this need for connection is one of the most fundamental parts of human nature.

5) Being honest isn’t an excuse for being tactless or unkind

Sadly some people try to use the defense that they were “just being honest” when they’re actually being cruel.

The truth shouldn’t be used as a weapon by the ego.

It should strive to create transparency and sincerity. But it shouldn’t be thrown around recklessly or inconsiderately in an attempt to land blows.

Neither is honesty the same as unsolicited advice.

It’s not our place or privilege to dish out home truths left right and center.

That’s why timing and context are also important.

The reality is that it matters how, when, and where you use the truth.

6) Not all lies are created equal

Here’s the thing:

Even the most honest among us will most likely lie from time to time.

Because studies show that most of us lie at some point or another. Only as few as 1% of people say they almost never lie.

But rather than tell giant whoppers, it’s usually little fibs that we engage in.

Research found that around 75% of people tell one or two lies a day and up to 90% of those lies are so-called white lies.

Whilst you could argue that a lie is still a lie, the reality is that the motivation for the lie matters.

Lying for selfish reasons is far worse  — whether it’s to impress, for personal gain, to hurt someone, or to avoid taking responsibility.

These types of destructive lies can be harmful.

But perhaps you decide to spare a friend’s feelings by telling her you are grateful for the meal she cooked for you, rather than volunteer the fact that you didn’t enjoy it.

The truth is still the truth, but it doesn’t always need to be spoken. Honest people realize this.

7) There isn’t only one singular truth, the truth can be multifaceted

Honest people don’t only see things in black and white. They recognize that we often need to live in the grey area.

They know that whilst some things may well be irrefutable facts, others are less straightforward.

A story has many sides.

Honest understand that all they can do is share their truth and be open to hearing other people’s.

Because we can all have our own version of the truth.

Sharing it isn’t necessarily about convincing others we’re right, or even defending the truth.

It’s more about being able to express ourselves authentically. 

8) The most important person to practice your honesty on is yourself

In many ways, cultivating self-awareness is simply learning to see yourself with honesty.

Being truthful about what makes you tick, and getting to grips with your own emotions, thoughts, and beliefs.

When we are willing to see ourselves exactly as we are, it empowers us.

Because only then can we confront our own biases and false assumptions. And that’s going to save us so much heartache and wasted time.

When we learn to be honest with ourselves it deeply impacts our relationship with ourselves and others.

We can process emotions, rather than hide from them.

We can show up as our authentic selves, rather than be burdened by pretense.

We can create healthy connections with others.

Being honest with other people is important, but it’s vitally important to be truthful with yourself. 

9) Sometimes people will shoot the messenger

We’ve already established that telling the truth isn’t always fluffy and lovely.

Sometimes, it sucks to be the bearer of bad news.

In these instances, I’m sure we’d all prefer to mind our own business and stay out of things.

Because honesty also creates dilemmas.

I once had to pluck up the courage to tell someone that her boyfriend had been seen kissing another woman.

Was that easy? Nope. Did I want to tell her? Not at all.

I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do.

But also in the full knowledge that:

“Don’t shoot the messenger” is a common phrase for good reason.

Don’t expect that people will always thank you for your honesty. They might also blame you.

10) Lies come back around to bite us in the ass

Sooner or later, the truth will out.

So in many ways, lies are a false economy.

They can seem like a shortcut to an easier life, but the fallout can be twice as bad later down the line.

When we lie to avoid facing the truth, it’s usually just a delay tactic.

Call it karma or just the facts of life, but weaving a web of lies becomes a ticking time bomb.

Secrets have a habit of unraveling eventually.

And in the meantime, they leave us feeling uneasy as we carry the weight of their burden around with us.

Final thoughts: My simple motto when it comes to honesty

I’m certainly no Saint, so I don’t say this with any piety, but the way I see it is:

If you have to lie about it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

What I mean is that what we feel guilty, shameful, or embarrassed enough about to cover up is a big red flashing siren.

It is alerting us to the fact that we’re going against our own value system.

Because if you weren’t, you’d be happy enough to tell the truth about it.

So failing to be honest is just as much a form of self-betrayal as it is a betrayal to others.  

Putting yourself first

What’s your number one goal at the moment?

Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?

To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?

Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?

Whatever your goals are, there’s a hidden trap in how you set them.

The trap is this:

You’ll only experience genuine life satisfaction when your goals are aligned with your values.

Because when values and goals are aligned, you enjoy the journey much more. And this makes achieving your goals much more likely.

If you find it hard to articulate your deeper life values, I suggest downloading the free values exercise by career coach Jeanette Brown.

It takes only a couple of minutes and will reveal a number of powerful insights about your underlying values.

Click here to download the free values exercise.

 

Louise Jackson

My passion in life is communication in all its many forms. I enjoy nothing more than deep chats about life, love and the Universe. With a masters degree in Journalism, I’m a former BBC news reporter and newsreader. But around 8 years ago I swapped the studio for a life on the open road. Lisbon, Portugal is currently where I call home. My personal development articles have featured in Huffington Post, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, Thrive Global and more.