人們常說,年齡隻是一個數字而已。這話到了好萊塢就沒了道理。好萊塢的信條是:如果你到二十幾歲還沒闖出名堂,你就趁早別亂闖了。我二十八歲的生日是獨自一人過的,當時我同時打三份餐館工,那一天也不例外。一片變了味的奶酪下肚了事。如果當時有人告訴我要對這種日子心存感激,我非當場給他一拳不可!在那潦倒幾年裏,我從頭到腳一張床,輪流寄宿在哥哥和好友凱倫的兩間公寓裏。我那時想都沒想過,自己有一天會在36歲的“高齡”接到電視劇《實習醫生格蕾》裏醫生的角色。現在我44歲了,回頭一望,我將一生都對那個孤苦的28歲生日感激不盡。
我的二十歲年華,一直都是在爭取打入戲劇影視圈,其間就靠端盤子倒咖啡、幫人刷油漆、打零工維生。每次熬不過想打退堂鼓的時候,哥哥就會找到我上班的地方,耐心地問我如果不再演戲以後會做什麽。這樣的對話每次都不例外地產生一個回答,“那好吧,我還是演下去吧。” 我真的隻想演戲。
1999年我搬到洛杉磯。在此之前,我從來都沒有擔心過自己的年齡,到這時候我周圍一望,才發覺自己是隨時絕對可以被人替代的,任何時候都有比我年輕、漂亮、性感、體力強、出手快(可能還更便宜)的女孩子。但是我不讓自己由此分心。也許因為我是看經典電影長大的,我心目中的偶像:Bette Davis, Joan Crawford,Lucille Ball,Mary Tyler Moore,Venessa Redgrave,Maryl Streep和 Judi Dench,都是一直演到她們步入三、四十歲,甚至更久。年紀的問題從未困擾過我,它激勵了我。
30歲那年,我在喜劇《朱凱利節目》裏拿到了一個長期出鏡的角色,我以為這次終於“闖出來了"。人人都對我說,“你現在說了算!”“你肯定能從這裏拿到很多的演出合約!”,試鏡期間我覺得信心十足,鬥誌昂揚。那一年我破了紀錄,試鏡試了八、九集 - 可是後來一集都沒有上演。我帶著被拒絕的恥辱遠走安哇拉(加勒比海上一個英屬的小島)療心傷。這段經曆成了我的轉折點:我學會在表演的時候放下自我。如果劇組總監說我演得好,可是製作人說我的鞋子搭配得不夠型兒,我會省下傷心掉淚,跑去比華利購物中心的美西百貨買一雙五吋的恨天高。
當《實習醫生格蕾》成為人人皆知的電視劇後,我的整個生活起了變化。我覺得我一輩子企盼的生活就是這樣的;畢竟我花了三十年的時間去營造它呀。多年做服務生和跑龍套的艱苦經曆練就了我自如對付各種挑戰變數和三教九流人等的功夫,這時候的我憑著自主的性格和修養內涵充分享受著這一切,因為曾幾年輕時,我已經像普通人一樣真正地、不經意地、沒有被狗仔隊追著地活過、錯過。
我的年齡給予我看事的深度,表達己見的信心,接受變數和冒險的勇氣。42歲時,我以“男朋友”命名我的第一隻香水,開始做我的香水生意。告訴你吧,其實這過程並不容易,我遇到過障礙,犯過錯誤,有過重重困難,不過我知道怎樣在作CEO和當演員之間相得益彰,因為我早在二十幾歲時就學會了在幾份工作中遊刃有餘。
最精彩的是,我知道我才剛剛起步,生活的屢次跌撞教會了我,冥冥未來不是我所可以窺透掌握的。
您可以在以下鏈接閱讀英文原文: http://www.harpersbazaar.com/magazine/feature-articles/kate-walsh-success-after-35-1012?src=email
我為您附上英文原文如下:
Age is just a number. Unless, that is, you live in Hollywood, where there's this notion that if you haven't hit it big by your 20s, you may as well hit the road. But if anyone had told me that I would be thankful when I looked back on celebrating my 28th birthday alone in New York City with a piece of stale cheesecake, working at one of my three waitressing jobs, I would have punched him. During those broke years, I shared not one but two studio apartments, first with my brother, and then with my pal Karen, sleeping head to foot in the same bed. I never dreamed that one day I would land my breakout role at the ripe old age of 36, as a doctor on Grey's Anatomy. But now, at 44, I look back and I am eternally grateful for that lonesome birthday.
For me, my 20s were all about reaching for the brass ring of work in theater, television, and film, surviving in between by waiting tables, painting houses, serving coffee, and temping. Anytime I wanted to quit acting, my brother Joe would come visit me at work and patiently ask what I would do instead. The conversation always yielded the identical result: "Okay, I'm gonna keep acting." Acting was all I ever really wanted to do.
I never worried about my age, though, until I moved to Los Angeles in 1999. That's when I had a look around and realized that I was infinitely replaceable. There would always be someone younger, prettier, sexier, stronger, faster (and probably cheaper) than me. But I didn't let it deter me. Maybe that's because I grew up watching classic films, and my heroines—Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Lucille Ball, Mary Tyler Moore, Vanessa Redgrave, Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, and Judi Dench—were all working in their 30s, 40s, and beyond. I was never defeated by age; I was inspired by it.
At 30, I thought I had made it because I landed a recurring role on The Drew Carey Show. Everyone told me, "The world is your oyster," and "You'll get loads of development deals from the networks." I went into pilot season feeling confident and on top of the world. I tested for eight or nine shows that year, which was a personal record—and got not a single one. After that my ego and I took a vacation to Anguilla to recover from the rejection and humiliation. It was a big turning point: I learned to take my pride out of the audition rooms. So when a casting director said that my audition was great but the producers didn't think my shoes were sexy enough, instead of crying I ran to Macy's at the Beverly Center to buy a pair of five-inch stilettos.
And when Grey's Anatomy became must-see TV and my entire life changed, I felt like it was the moment I had been waiting for my whole life; after all, I had spent three decades working toward it. By then I had the character and the personal infrastructure to enjoy the incredible ride. Through my years of slogging through waitressing and bit parts, I had developed the capacity to weather challenges, rejection, and the various personalities you encounter, with grace and tact. I had been able to actually live life, unobserved, paparazzi-free, and make a ton of mistakes in private, when I was younger.
My age gives me perspective and the confidence to speak out about things, to embrace change, and the courage to take risks. I even started my own fragrance business, Boyfriend, at age 42. Trust me, it has not been easy. I've faced obstacles, missteps, and learning curves, but I know how to balance the role of CEO with my day job as an actress because I mastered the juggling act in my 20s.
The best part is that I know I'm just getting started. I've learned over and over that life happens on its own terms, not mine.
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