Clarification and Integration of Values

The philosophy of life consists of two aspects:

1. a map of reality-an understanding of what life is all about, of nature and the cosmos
2. a hierarchy of values- a perception of which things are more important than others

The wisdom is "seeing big things as big, and small things as small." 

Clarification of values means that we know which values are guiding our lives. Value means what is worthwhile. Core values mean what are most important for your wellness.

The problem starts when these values conflict, not only with each other but also when they compete for our time and attention. Between family and career, which one is more important? Between money and enjoyment, which one is more important? Between health and financial security, which one is more important? Even you know health is the most important thing for you, it is still hard to remain healthy when you can't make a living with something you enjoy doing. I found that health, finance, relationship, achievement are all inter-connected. You can't choose one or focus one to get that most important thing for you. When you have bad relationship and financial hardship, it is hard to remain healthy-physically, mentally and spiritually. I feel balance is the key. That's the path of righteousness. It is unique for each individual. Others can provide map, guide, help but only Self can find the right way.

We all have conditioned values in our subconscious mind. When we grow, we change our core values over time, but our conditioned values can take over without our awareness. For example, I value my health thousands times more important than my job but I can easily get absorbed in my work without eating, drinking, moving or going washroom. I often get very upset with my workaholic. I have to set alarms to remind myself taking breaks. I even do not like my work. I want to be a physician, a writer, an actor, or a therapist. I think the fear of losing job and becoming homeless shapes me into a workaholic although I feel sick every morning before I start to work.

There are three kinds of values

1. universal values: intrinsic nature, a state of being

• truth
• happiness
• beauty
• inner peace
• love
• kindness
• justice
• courage
• dignity

2. cultural values: social norms, religious beliefs and other environmental situations. Many of our attitudes and beliefs are derived from these cultural values and are conditioned values. Some spiritual teachers dispise cultural values and call it "domestication". We lose our true nature during this domestication process. We need to review such values to improve our quality of life. It requires a broadness of knowledge about life and human affairs. 
3. personal values are subjective and are neither ethical nor unethical except when they go against the universal values. Aristotle says virtues are the pathway to happiness. I think he means our personal values congluent with universal values and our own true nature. We have an inner sense of right and wrong. 

are universal values practical?

There are many examples of people who are clear about their values and have developed mature skills in management and interpersonal relationships, excel in their respective fields and reach levels that are aunattainable by people who employ deception or are insincere. The truly successful individuals are those who are character-ethic oriented rather than the persnality-ethic oriented. Their lives are guided by principles rather than by conveniences, personal gains, or comforts. They are willing to die for their principles. I admire them but cannot force myself grow to that level of maturity and wisdom.

To be able to be sincere requires the capacity to communicate assertively and sincerely. We must have developed the self-awareness to be able to face discomfort in our feelings.  By learning how to communicate assertively, we can have a better idea of how to give feedback without being judgmental, to speak truthfully without unnecessarily hurting the other person.

It is essential for each one of us to clarify what is truly meaningful in our lives- things that we would like to live and even die for. 

1. what are three things that you would like to do or achieve or become before you die?
   •  find my own path of righteousness: be at home with my own skin, know who I am and what I really want, find my sweet spot of life-enjoying my life and serving others well
   • open my third-eye: have access to the spiritual world; gain understanding the laws of the universe; access to inner wisdom, intuition, insights
   • remain an authentic and beautiful balance between lower and higher self, body and mind, soul and spirit. Individual expression and unity with the universe. I don't believe high triangle is better than lower triangle. I believe they shall mirror each other and be symetrical and be authentic- if you are selfish, be selfish. But be willing to grow and enjoy the balance of giving and receiving. 
2. what are three things that you would like to do or accomplish within the next three years?
   • heal my body
   • heal my relationship
   • career advancement

Two things are required to internalize values:

1. clairty of universal and personal values
2. contrary conditions are neutralized

• physico-emotional conditionings: habits and emotional reactions
• mental conditionings: the measurement of success and failure and philosophy of life. They create preferences for lifestyles, modes of actions. It is related to a review of our map of reality.

Nothing is easy and nothing is difficult. One thousand miles start from the baby step.