Door opener

Door openers examples:

1. Looks like things didn't go well for you today. I've got time if you'd like to talk.
2. Something unpleasant happen to you? Want to talk about it?
3. You don't seem yourself these past few days. You seem burdened by something. Care to talk about it?

Four elements of door openers:

1. a description of the other persons body language - "you look like you are not feeling up to par."
2. an invitation to talk or to continue talking - "please go on" "care to talk about it?"
3. silence - giving the other person time to decide whether to talk and what he wants to say
4. attending-eye contact and a posture of involvement that demonstrates your interest in and concern for the other person

The personality of the listener, the nature of the relationship, and other factors will determine the most effective door opener in a given situation. A person sending door openers needs an awrness of and a respect for the other person's probable feelings of ambivalence-she may want to self-disclose, yet be hesitant to do so.

Door openers should always be noncoercive.  The empathic person honors rather than violates the other individual's separateness and privacy.

It takes time, skill, and goodwill to build trust.