sheenwei

我在耶和華的手中要作華冠,在我父神的手中必作為冕旒
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神的作為

(2010-09-05 19:44:29) 下一個
我近來和先生關係非常好,常常奇怪為什麽以前我老是挑剔他,覺得他是雞肋呢?今天和朋友聊天,無意中提起我的2個轉變,再次驚歎神奇妙的作工。

我和朋友說我以前常常和先生為2件很小的事情爭吵,誰都無法原諒誰,近來神戲劇性地改變了我,我完全從反對黨身份變為保皇黨。朋友很喜歡我的分享,願神也能借我的文字觸摸你的心。

1我的頭發

我的頭發很多,掉得也多,且處處留發。先生經常在地上撿我的頭發,且強烈抗議菜飯裏的青絲。我最聽不得先生抱怨的話。我幾乎包攬了家裏全部的家務。他遊手好閑,偶爾撿2根頭發還廢話囉嗦。我覺得地上有頭發有什麽關係。古人還送頭發私定終身呢。清朝入關時還頒布留發不留頭的政策呢。可見頭發多珍貴!我從來不清掃衛生間裏,沙發上,床上或餐廳裏我的頭發,因為我覺得一縷縷青絲可以見證我生活艱辛,營養不良,心情欠佳,需要關懷。而先生則視之為不講衛生的農婦行徑。我們為頭發開戰已經是家常便飯。直到有一天早上,我推著吸塵器忙不迭地到處吸頭發,而老公不停地催我快出門,不然趕不上7點40分的火車了,我才意識到不知道從什麽時候起,我變得見不得地上有頭發,我一看見就要吸,哪怕是早上趕時間。老公問我:“你是不是搬到自己的新家就變得愛幹淨了?連頭發都肯收拾了?”。 我自己知道是神在不知不覺之間改變了我,我都不知道什麽時候開始的,因為什麽原因。我隻知道我現在一看到地上、床上、沙發上有頭發我就覺得很紮眼,非得把它們弄掉才舒服。為此小小改變,我們夫妻間衝突少了很多。

2 紳士風度

除去頭發之外,我和先生唇槍舌戰較多的就是紳士風度問題。先生強調我和兒子一定要為後邊的人扶門。他認為這是基本的禮儀,反映一個人的素質和教養。我一直不以為然並強烈反對他為身體健康、年輕力壯,手無寸鐵的人無緣無故地扶門,有時候人家還在十步之外,看見他扶門等待,還不得不加快步伐趕上來。所以我隻為身後緊跟的人略撐一下門。為此,先生常常訓我並引申到我工作上的種種不如意。他常說:“你那麽自私,門都不肯為人扶一下,誰會喜歡和你一起工作呢?” 我每次都暴跳如雷,把崇洋媚外,吃裏爬外,東施效顰等帽子都扣在他頭上。我說:“你在家裏一根手指頭都不動,在外麵給洋人扶門一副奴才相。你懂什麽是紳士風度,你就是偽君子!”。因為每次一起出門,都有扶門風波,兒子都學會了調解,自動走在最後,把我夾在中間,以免發生我把後麵的行人關在身後,我與先生再互相惡言相向。

我上班後第3天,到三樓餐廳取了飲料和食物,下樓吃早餐。(單位一、三、五提供早餐)我左手拿著盤子,右手拿著杯子,緊跟在一位男士身後,他開了門,我忙說謝謝,以為他會為我扶門。誰知他在身後將門重重一關,我毫無防備,被門撞個正著,奶茶撒了我一身。我惱羞成怒,心裏痛罵前麵沒人性的人渣。就在我怒不可遏的刹那,我的心裏有一個很溫柔的聲音對我說:“你想別人如何對你,你就當如何對別人。” 我的怒氣就在那一刻消退,我馬上對神說:“天父,我錯了,下次我一定幫別人扶門。”

自此我再也沒有為扶門的事和先生起衝突。為我扶門的人也越來越多,在每一個一、三、五的早上我雙手滿滿的時候,總有紳士或淑女及時為我打開門。我的心,感恩不已!
 
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sheenwei 回複 悄悄話 You are so afraid of dying alone. Your deeply hidden memories of a fearful birth make you suspect that your death will be equally fearful. You want to be sure that you won't cling to your present existence but will have the inner freedom to let go and trust that something new will be given to you. You know that only someone who truly loves you can help you link this life with the next.
but maybe the death you fear is not simply the death at the end of your present life. maybe the death at the end of your life won't be so fearful if you can die well now. Yes, the real death- the passage from time into eternity, from the transient beauty of this world to the lasting beauty of the next, from darkness into light - has to be made now. and you do not have to make it alone.
God has sent people to be very close to you as you gradually let go of the world that holds you captive. You must trust fully in their love. Then you will never feel completely alone. Even though no one can do it for you, you can make the lonely passage in the knowledge that you are surrounded by a safe love and that those who let you move away from them will be there to welcome you on the other side. The more you trust in the love of those God has sent to you, the more you will be able to lose your life and so gain it.
Success, notoriety, affection, future plans, entertainment, satisfying work, health, intellectual stimulation, emotional support- yes, even spiritual progress - none of these can be clung to as if they care essential for survival. Only as you let go of them can you discover the true freedom your heart most desires. That is dying, moving into the life beyond life. You must make that passage now, not just at the end of your earthly life. You cannot do it alone, but with the lobe of those who are being sent to you, you can surrender your fear and let yourself be guided into the new land.
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