[雋語] 大便哲學（毛澤東: 大便有著明確的中國人性格。）

http://www.wanderbody.com/philosophicalshit/
我翻譯一下

Thales All shit is water.
泰利斯:所有的大便都是水。

Anaximander There is an unlimited amount of shit.
安那奇曼德:大便是無限者。

Pythagoras Shit is a number.
畢達戈拉斯: 大便是數。

Xenophanes If shit had a God, God would look like shit.
奇諾芬妮絲: 如果大便信上帝的話,那上帝看起來就會像大便。

Parmenides One big, finite, round, motionless, continuous shit.
帕門尼德斯: 一個大的,有限的,圓的,不動的,連續的大便。

Heraclitus You can\'t step in the same shit twice.
赫拉克力圖: 你不能踩在同個大便上兩次。

Zeno If you can cut shit in half forever, is shit infinite?
奇諾: 如果你能不斷將大便切成兩等分,大便是不是無限的呢?

Socrates The unexamined shit is not worth shitting.
蘇格拉底: 未經檢驗的大便不值得大。

Plato All shit is a shadow of the Ideal Shit.
柏拉圖: 所有的大便都是理型大便的陰影。

Aristotle Shit is what shit does.
亞裏斯多德: 大便就是大便其所是。

Epicurus This shit feels good.
伊比鳩魯: 這大便讓我爽。

Stoics I can handle this shit.
斯多葛: 我能掌握這大便。

Sceptics I\'m not sure about this shit.
懷疑論學派: 我對這大便一無所知。

Neoplatonism The First Shit is the best shit.
新柏拉圖主義: 原初的大便是最好的大便。

Augustine We can know God\'s shit.
奧古斯丁: 我們可以知道上帝會大便。

Avicenna First there was the universal shit, then all the particular shits.
Avicenna: 首先有普遍的大便,接下來才有個殊的大便。

Averroes God turns potential shit into actual shit.
Averroes: 上帝將潛能之大便轉為實存的大便。

Maimonides God takes no literal shits, only allegorical ones.
Maimonides: 上帝並非字麵上的大便,而隻是比喻上的大便。

Aquinas In his goodness, God created all this shit.
阿奎納: 藉著祂的善,上帝創造所有大便。

Occam Given several shits, the simpler shit is more likely to be the true shit.
奧坎: 給出許多大便,越簡單的大便越可能是真的大便。

Copernicus We\'re not the center of all this shit.
哥白尼: 我們不是所有大便的中心。


Galileo This shit moves (no matter what the Pope says).
伽利略: 這大便會動(不管教皇說啥)

Descartes I shit, therefore I am.
迪卡兒: 我大便故我在。

Hobbes This shit is nasty, brutish and short.
霍布斯: 這大便是卑劣,粗魯,無禮的。

Spinoza One big, beautiful, rational, cosmic shit.
斯賓諾莎: 一個大的,美麗的,理性的,宇宙大便。

Leibniz In every head is a little shithead.
萊布尼茲: 每個頭裡麵都有個屎頭。

Locke The shape and size of this piece of shit are truly in this shit,
but its smell and color are only in my mind.
洛克: 這塊屎的形狀跟大小是真的存在此屎中,
但是它的味道跟顏色隻存在我們心靈中。

Berkeley There is no shit, only God\'s idea of shit.
柏克萊: 大便不存在,隻存著上帝的理念大便。

Hume There is no shit, just me shitting.
休姆: 沒有大便,隻有我在大便這個事實。

Voltaire This is the best of all possible shits.
伏爾泰: 這是所有可能大便裡麵最好的。

Rousseau Man is free to shit but is everywhere constipated.
盧梭: 人生而自由大便,但卻處處是便秘。

Kant Shit as though everyone were to shit as you shit.
康德: 別人怎麼大那你就怎麼大。

Fichte My shit is even more idealistic than Kant\'s shit.
費希特: 我的大便比康德的大便更要理想化。

Schelling This shit is too beautiful not to be real.
謝林: 這大便太美了!所以它不可能不是真的。

Hegel Shit and anti-shit make better shit
(but the 19th century German State is the best shit of all.)
大便與反大便產生更好的大便。
(但是十九世紀的德國是所有大便裡最好的)


Feurebach You are what you shit.
費爾巴哈: 你大什麼便,你就是怎樣的人。

Marx You have nothing to lose but your shit--
you have a whole shit-house to win.
馬克思:
除了大便,你一無所失;而有整間茅坑等著被你贏取。


(Lenin) What is to be shit?
列寧: 大便是什麼?

(Mao) This shit has a distinctly Chinese character.
毛澤東: 大便有著明確的中國人性格。

Compte The only shit is the shit you can smell.
孔德: 你能聞得到的大便才是唯一的大便。

Mill The greatest shit for the greatest number.
彌爾: 想辦法餵最多數的人吃最多數的大便。


Schopenhauer Will this unhappy shit.
叔本華 意誌這個不快樂的大便。

Kierkegaard In fear and trembling I leap into the shit.
齊克果: 在恐懼與發抖中我躍進這個大便。

Dostoyevski If no shit is true, then all shitting is permitted.
杜思妥也夫斯基: 如果沒有大便是真的,那一切拉屎都將被允許。

Nietzsche Overcome your shit.
尼采: 征服你的大便。

Freud
Improper toilet training during the anal stage of psycho-sexual development --
a classic conflict between the id,
which derives pleasure from fecal expulsion, and the ego and superego,
which represent the practical and societal pressures to control anal activity
-- can lead to the formation of an anal retentive character type:
an adult, literally, who hasn\'t fully dealt with their childhood shit.
佛洛伊德:在性心理發展階段之肛門期時,不洽當的上廁所訓練是典型的本我與自我.超我之衝突。
本我從排遺中獲取快感。
超我則代表了實際與社會規範對排便行為的要求。
不洽當的上廁所訓練,將導致肛門持存型的人格:亦即一個無法成功處理童年糞便的成人。

ps.
肛門持存型人格(anal retentive character type)是一個專有名詞,
意指性心理發展階段中,受到阻礙而產生固著(fixation),
無法順利走完所有成長階段的不成熟人格。
肛門持存型的人格特色是吝嗇,斤斤計較,守財奴,潔癖。


Jung Your individual shit is an archetype of the collective shit.
榮格: 你的個體大便是集體大便的原型。 (?好像講反?)

James
All shit is of one fundamental shittiness,
neither just in my mind nor in the toilet.
詹姆斯: 所有大便都從基礎大便性而來,並非隻在你心靈中亦或隻在廁所裡。 (?)

Russell I will give you a definite description of this shit.
羅素: 我將給你這大便的確定描述辭。

Wittgenstein The shit of which you cannot speak, must be pointed at.
維根斯坦: 這大便不可言說,隻能呈顯。

Whitehead Every shit is everywhere at all times.
懷德海: 每個大便都在所有時間的所有地方。

Bergson We live amidst a dynamic flux of shit.
柏格森:　我們活在動態的屎流當中。

Heidegger Shit! I was a Nazi.
海德格: 屎啦!我是納粹!

Arendt Shit! I slept with him.
阿蘭德: 賽啦!我還跟他上床!

Husserl Bracket this [shit].
胡塞爾: 把它(這大便)懸擱。

Merleau-Ponty Shit is a bowel movement of the lived and existential body.
梅洛龐帝: 大便是我們活生生的存有身體的腸部活動。

Sartre Hell is other people\'s shit.
沙特: 地獄就是他者的大便。

De Beauvoir One is not born a shit, but rather becomes a shit.
西蒙波娃: 一個人並非生為大便,而是慢慢變成大便。


Camus Rebel against this absurd shit.
卡謬: 對抗這個荒謬的大便。

Fanon Instead of pretending to be white shit,
black shit should violently overthrow colonialism.
法農: 我們不要假裝是白大便,而是要暴力地推翻殖民主義。

Levi-Strauss There can be no raw shit unless some other shit is cooked.
李維斯托: 若沒有大便被烹煮過,就沒有大便算得上是生的大便。

Barthes Even the most natural-looking shit is the product
of bourgeois artifice.
羅蘭巴特: 即使是看起來再自然不過的大便也是布爾喬亞的表麵配置。

Lacan Shit is the languaged Other.
拉岡: 大便是言說的大他者。

Derrida Deconstruct the privileging of shit over crap.
德希達: 將大便對拉屎的特權解構。

Foucault Shit was socially constructed in the 17th century.
傅柯: 大便是在十七世紀時被社會所建構出的。

Lyotard Be skeptical of all meta-shit.
李歐塔: 所有後設大便都該懷疑。

Baudrillard Shit is no longer possible, only the simulacrum of shit.
布西亞: 大便已經不可能了,隻剩下大便的擬像。

Rawls Maximize the shit-size of the one who shits least.
羅爾斯: 將大最少的那個人大便量最大化。


Chomsky Corporate media is full of shit.
瓊斯基: 財團媒體是一堆大便。

Rorty It all depends who\'s shitting.
羅蒂: 這要看是誰大的便。

Minsky Let\'s make some intelligent artificial shit!
Minsky : 我們來製造一些人工智慧的大便吧!

Searle Even if you could make artificial shit that behaved intelligently,
it still wouldn\'t be the real shit.
席爾: 即使我們能夠製造出行為看起來有智能的人工大便,
它仍然不是真正的大便。