放棄

對我而言，世界上第二痛苦的事情就是放棄，說yes永遠比說no容易。

 

我曾經提早一年開始上小學，可是學的不是很好，用爸爸媽媽的話說，小孩子差一年差很多的，於是期中考試後，爸爸媽媽就決定不讓我再讀下去了。（我雖然考的不好，卻也還不是最後一名）那天晚上我一直在爸爸媽媽懷裏哭了好久，小時候的事情有記憶的並不多，但是那一天晚上的痛哭至今記得很清楚，甚至於記得自己漸漸停下來不哭了，一回頭看到書包，文具，又哭起開。現在想起來，究竟為了什麽如此傷悲是不得而知了。（有趣的是第二天媽媽把我送到單位的幼兒園，中午去看我的時候，我高興極了，跟媽媽說不用上課真好。）

 

我放棄過幾個男孩子，一個是我的長久的男朋友，還有幾個隻是有一些相處，有一些感覺，每一次都是以我的淚水結束的，仿佛是我被別人拋棄了一般。我記得和我前男朋友分手一年多後，有一次他深夜打電話給我，我也不知道他說了什麽，要說什麽，隻是一聽到他的聲音，就忍不住的哭起來，最後他反而勸慰了起我來。其實他真的是個君子，或者就是他不夠了解我，因為如果他堅持，我想我是很難說no的。我現在的老公，就是因為他的堅持我們才走到今天了。

 

現在又是一個需要放棄的時候。我似乎覺得自己已經想的很清楚了，沒有什麽東西值得我將這麽好的年華這樣痛苦的度過。就算是這個項目再好，我也不願意在這裏熬3年了。可是我卻還是做不了放棄的決定。當我好不容易發了辭職信，第二天Jose跟我談的時候，他真誠的讓我再想一周，以免以後後悔，我當時真想說no，我不要再想了，我已經想的夠痛苦了，可是我說了yes。而現在我好像已經想通了，實在是不準備再做了，可是我一邊還再寫計劃書。我該怎樣鼓起勇氣，做一個了斷呢？

[鳳凰台上]

Your impression about the hard working life style in Shanghai is close to the reality I know. I have been working overtime a lot for 2 years. That is one reason why I am now studying abroad. My husband still works day and night. Even the time I was back in Shanghai, we actually could share very little time together. He sometimes come back after 12pm. Very often, he come back with some work around 9pm or 10pm. We had a lot of quarrals about that. :(

[m38]

I really enjoy reading your post. If I remember right I read each every one of them. If you find time and place in china to post please let me know via email at [e-mail]. Or if you feel comfortable email directly.
My wife just back from the shanghai trip, she told me how people work hard often overtime on their jobs. And also I heard from wenciucity that some people at manager level often quit their jobs during the summer time for relax and looking for jobs after summer. All those stories just fascinate me. I hope you can find job you really like and settle down your life..

[鳳凰台上]

Thank you for your encouragement. I might try another 3 months as I can make 3 trips back till in between. I would like to see how things work out under such kind of arrangement.

And also, I would like to thank you for following my meaningless words. It is a kind of far away comfort to me. I am not sure how long I can still post things here as there is no access to here back in China. I hope you all the best.

[m38]

i am sure you will do super job whatever you decide to do