How to appear \'HUMBLE\' at work, even if you aren\'t!

1. Step 1

   Assess the situation. Make a list (at home, never do this at the office) of the CAST of characters at your office. Who is the big mouth? Who is out to get you? Who is the brown noser? Who is the gossip? Cut out paper dolls if you must, but get them all down.

2. Step 2

   Write down next to the names/or paper doll cutouts the things that they might have to get you on (she knows I slept with the cleaning lady, or he knows I always steal the office yogurt).

3. Step 3

   Once this is done next you have to establish what I like to call "THE NEW LIFE WEEKEND." Now you're probably wondering what this is...well obviously you can't go from being the big mouth know-it-all that you are at the office and then suddenly come in as a humble servant of all. You need to have had a change. For me it was simple, the Supervisor moved me to a different floor and I just acted like my new humble self there. But if you need to make this humble change there has to be a reason why. So I've developed the "New Life Weekend" which I got from watching any number of my religious friends go away on a retreat and come back "changed." Well what you need to do is tell everyone you are going away for a "retreat" or some such other "relax weekend away." They needn't know the details why, just tell them some such lie, or actually go to something and fish and swim, or get a mud bath or manicure, whatever. Just do it. And try to keep that mouth of yours shut until you get to the weekend.

4. Step 4

   PERSONAL Rule. Okay once you've told them all about the weekend and maybe even arranged to take a Friday off for it, you need to establish your own set of personal rules. Write them down and swear by them. The first should be, Never brag about how well you're doing. Humble people don't brag. In fact, never talk about anything specific to yourself. Don't talk about personal things. If you must have small talk, talk about general things, like the weather, or decorating. Remember, keep it bland. NEVER say anything that can get you in trouble. Look down and hold your hands in your pocket and speak softly.

5. Step 5

   USE expressions like, "in my own small way." Practice it alot at home in front of the mirror and use it in sentences like..."I tried to get the copier to work, in my own small way." or "In my own small way, I try to make things easier for others here at work."

6. Step 6

   When you do something really big at work, or really great..like saving an account, or getting a discount from the water cooler company..whatever, when your co-workers attempt to heap compliments on you (and you know they all know you were responsible) always say something like, "I couldn't have done any of this without the help of my team," or "I couldn't have done this without you..." IN this way you deflect your honor onto someone else.

7. Step 7
   When the boss praises you, try to say something like, "I really enjoy working here and I always try to do my best." Don't over-dress. Dress extremely conservative. Always be the last person to speak. Watch a few episodes of "Upstairs/Downstairs" and try to act meak like the servants. Develop a "work-a-day" self, and see yourself as putting this person on as you dress in the morning. Develop conditioned responses (those responses you memorize) and when people ask you how you are always say, "great!" If anyone questions the change in you, tell them that you went away for a weekend and you see things differently. Things just seem to make more sense to you." Say nothing else. Just leave it at that. Always let others out before yourself. Always seemingly put others first at work, when on line for anything. Drop all attitude. In time no one will ever remember how you "used to be." And when the ax falls, it won't be humble you who's always willing to go the extra mile and never takes any of the credit that gets canned. It will be the bossy one who took your place when you evaporated out of the danger zone.
   
   
   Tips & Warnings

   • BE soft spoken
   • Act as polite as you can
   • Observe other "meek" and "humble" people at the office and copy them. But don't let them catch you..they may have read this article too!
   • Keep up the facade until you get out of the office, into your car and onto the highway. NEVER let them see you out of character!
   • Think of it as a game you play for yourself. Never discuss this with anyone connected to your office.
   • You will get better at it with time.
   • Never confide in anyone at work,no matter how much they tell you
   • don't get involved in any office gossip. THIS MEANS YOU!
   • good luck
   • check out my site: www.richardsmiraldi.tv
   • Do not attend social events with co-workers. Otherwise you might relax a little too much and give yourself away, which is real danger -no matter how close they may seem
   • Watch humble people on t.v. and act like them. Don't reveal yourself to anyone connected with you at work. Remember, your best friend at work is likely your worst enemy
   • Have a healthy outlet for all the frustration you feel at work. Perhaps take on a pet project like demolishing down a wall and building a new room. Physical exercise or actually boxing or weeding can really help you resolve the aggressions you feel after work. The idea is to bottle it up while you are at the office and release that energy elsewhere. We all have to eat crow these days. And someone else will always seem to have it easier than you do. Don't let it get to you. Do not let it win over you. You be the victor!
   • Realize that the economy won't be like this forever. Your face won't get stuck in the permanent smile, and you won't always have to be mother sunshine. Just keep a smile on your face and act upbeat and humble at work. When you do eventually leave this job...it will be by your choice and they'll all be so sad. But once things get better you can find a job that doesn't make you wake up screaming every morning! But for the time being, employ these methods of humility and sail on through the week.