Two Naughty Girls

Yesterday I took my whole family to Carmel city in Montery Bay. Under the mild sun, we walked and window shopped along Ocean Avenue, and occasionally stopped to study a painting, a building or anything that interested us. While we were discussing what were the names of the flowers in a mini garden at the street-side,  an American born Chinese lady, Sister Arsha, joined us.

Besides the names of those flowers in the garden, Sister Arsha also told us how to grow them. Then we introduced ourselves to each other before she left the name of her store on the next street and bid us goodbye.

We soon came to the front door of Sister Arsha's Chinese Art Center. She was happy to receive us. She patiently answered our questions about the traditional Chinese paintings and antique furnitures in her store. The theme of the store is nostalgia. Most of the items she sells look old and worn out, except for a painting, on which a toddler girl was feeding an even younger baby girl, and a huge piece of embroidery.  The embroidery caught my eyes with its brightness and richness in its color. When I examined it more carefully, the craftsmanship(手工) is very detail oriented and of high quality. So I asked if it was 雲錦。I was told that it was from Japan and it wasn't just some random piece of cloth, but a Japanese wedding gown.

I was so attracted to the gown that I seriously thought of having it. Sister Arsha said that if it was for me, she could give me for only $1000. As everybody who knows me knows, not having a wedding of my own has always been a big regret for me. So I shouted to my husband, who was ten feet away from me, "Hey the guy over there, would you marry me for $1000?" My husband didn't expected I'd ask him such a question, and he responded, "What?" "If you buy me this gown, I will marry you!" I repeated. Now Sister Arsha became curious, "you are not married? You've never been married? How old are you?" I told her I had always been single and I was 21.

Then she praised my English and told me she was terrible at Math. And I sincerely admitted that my Math is quite good but her English is so much better than mine. I then asked her how she learned English, which triggered her tender spot. She immediately became talktive, "Oh language! Language is never a problem for me. The only language that I don't speak well is Chinese. I am just like a foreign devil when I talk in Chinese. But I speak Spanish, German, French, Italian, Latin, ... ..." In the end, she added, "I am terrible at Math."

"Math has never been a problem for me." I instinctively responded. Then I thought I should try to comfort her a little, "I only wish I could be better at English. Do you think there is a way to combine these two talents?"

"Combine? You are talking about combine! I only know a man and a woman can combine. As for you and me, I am not a lesbian and I am not interested in women. And I don't see how a combine can be arranged."

"No, I wasn't talking about that kind of combine. And I have no interest in women either." I responded in laughters.

"Are you really not married?" Sister Arsha went back to the old question.

My husband, who had been watching silently all the time, came over and spoke up before I could banter further, "Yes, she is married. She is MY wife. We've been married for many years. She is not 21. Our son is about to turn 21 in a few years."

At that, we stepped out of the store. Sister Arsha started to 'scolding' me as she walked us to the street, "You naughty naughty gal! If you were born here, it might be Ok. But if you were born in China, a Chinese girl born in China, naughty as you are, that is too much. You are way toooo naughty!"

I smiled at her, raising one end of my eyebrow, and uttered, "you too, Sister Arsha!"

我們從這家店出來以後，兒子把我們的對話用“洋鬼子”腔翻譯給了婆婆。婆婆聽了，也忍不住笑了。