II - 19 The Burglar In Hyde Park

The  Burglar  In  Hyde  Park

Loud shouting in the distance made us look up. This was nothing unusual
 
for Hyde Park, for many people come here on a Sunday to air their views, 
 
and shouting is the only means by which they can make themselves  heard.
 
We  had  become  part  of  a  large  crowd  which  moved  from  speaker  to  speaker
 
to  hear  what  each  one  had  to  say.  So  far,  we  had  listened  to  political
 
speeches,  serious  debates,  and  lonely  singers  wailing  dolefully  to
 
themselves. Now the newcomer attracted our attention, mainly because of
 
the  extreme  loudness  of  his;  voice.
 
We soon discovered that the cause of all this commotion was certainly the
 
ugliest fellow we had ever seen. He was completely bald and his face was
 
painted red and blue so that he looked rather like a Red Indian chieftain.
 
When  a  reasonable  crowd  had  gathered,  the  man  quietened  down,  surveyed
 
everybody  with  some  contempt,  and  proceeded  to  undo  his  shirt.  Soon  he
 
was displaying a huge, coloured tattoo which covered the whole of his back
 
and  chest.  When  the  man  was  satisfied  that  he  had  produced  the  desired
 
effect on the crowd, he explained quite plainly that he was a burglar and
 
wanted  to  say  a  few  words  about  his  trade.  He  commenced  by  criticizing
 
the police severely tor impeding him in his work. Policemen, he explained,
 
were ungrateful to him, because it was people like himself who kept them
 
busy. These remarks so astonished the crowd, that it drew round him closer,
 
anxious to hear more. The man began describing the art of getting through
 
a closed window at night, when a formidable old lady shook her umbrella
 
at  him  and  said  that  if  he  did  not  go  away,  she  would  call  a  policeman.
 
The burglar calmly pointed out that the police were his friends, and only
 
took an interest in him when he was about his 'lawful' work(2). Glaring
 
at the crowd, he said that if anyone else had any further comments to make,
 
he would be glad to meet him in the dark(3). The crowd laughed uneasily,
 
but the old lady stalked off(4) angrily to fetch a policeman. We  waited
 
expectantly to see what would happen as the burglar continued to explain
 
how  easy  it  was  to  pick  a  lock(5)  with  a  hairpin.