Chapter 1: Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus

第一章 男人從火星來  女人從金星來

請想像男人從火星來、女人從金星來的景象。久遠以前的某一天，火星人從天文望遠鏡中發現了金星人，僅隻一瞥，就覺知與金星人素未相識，

Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. One day long ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known.

 但他們互相仰慕，火星人受邀做了一趟太空之旅，飛向金星。

They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus.

 金星人展開雙臂迎接火星人。他們會覺這天終將來到，心裏充滿了過去未曾有過的愛的感覺。

The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms. They had intuitively known that this day would come. Their hearts opened wide to a love they had never felt before.

金星人和火星人的愛情真不可思議，他們喜歡互相作伴、一起做事、一起分享。因為來自不同世界，他們顯現了彼此的不同，不過他們花好幾個月時間彼此學習、摸索，並感激雙方各自有不同的需要、嗜好及行為模式。他們親愛和諧地一起生活多年。

The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical. They delighted in being together, doing things together, and sharing together. Though from different worlds, they reveled in (took pleasure) their differences. They spent months learning about each other, exploring and appreciating their different needs, preferences, and behavior patterns. For years they lived together in love and harmony. 

接著，他們決定飛向地球。剛開始住地球時，每件事都美好可愛，可是有天早上，每個人一醒來都得了獨特的健忘症....選擇健忘。

Then they decided to fly to Earth. In the beginning everything was wonderful and beautiful. But the effects of Earth's atmosphere took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a peculiar kind of amnesia­, selective amnesia!

火星人和金星人都忘了他們是從不同的星球來，本來就有差異，這天早上，他們過去互相學習的每一件不同的事情都從記憶裏消失了，從這天開始，男人和女人便陷入了衝突。

Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets and were supposed to be different. In one morning everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory. And since that day men and women have been in conflict. 

記住彼此的差異

REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES

 男人和女人因為沒有警覺彼此應該有所不同，因此紛爭不斷。由於忘記彼此是不同的重要事實，我們常對異性生氣或失望，我們期待異性和我們相像，希望他們“要的是我們所要的”及“以我們的方式去感受”。

Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other. We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have forgotten this important truth. We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We desire them to "want what we want" and "feel the way we feel."

我們誤以為如果配偶愛我們，他們必會以確定的方式反應和表達——如同當我們愛某些人時的反應與表達方式一般。這種想法使我們不斷的感到失望，也阻礙我們花時間溫柔地溝通彼此的不同。

We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways ‑ the ways we react and behave when we love someone. This attitude sets us up to be disappointed again and again and it prevents us from taking the necessary time to communicate lovingly about our differences.

我們誤以為知果配偶愛我們，他們必會以確定的方式來反應和表現——如同當我們愛某些人時的反應與表達方式一般。男人錯誤地期待女人要以男人的方式思考、溝通和反應；女人也錯誤地期待男人要以女人的方式去感覺、溝通和反應。我們都忘了男人和女人應該是不同的，結果我們的關係充滿了不必要的摩擦與衝突。

Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different. As a result, our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction (abrasion; discord) and conflict.

清楚認識和尊重這種差異，在與異性相處時，可大大地減少許多迷惑。你隻要記得男人是從火星來、女人是從金星來的，每件事都可得到解釋了。

Clearly recognizing and respecting these differences dramatically reduce confusion when dealing with the opposite sex. When you remember that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, everything can be explained.

概觀男女的不同

AN OVERVIEW OF OUR DIFFERENCES

 我將會在整本書中大量討論男女的不同，每一章都有重要的新觀念。以下要探討的是男女的主要不同處。

Throughout this book I will discuss in great detail our differences. Each chapter will bring you new and crucial insights. Here are the major differences that we will explore:

第二章將探討男人和女人天生的價值觀是如何的不同，並嚐試了解我們與異性相處時常犯的兩大錯誤：男人錯誤地提供解答和無價值的感覺；女人錯誤地提供沒有吸引力的忠告和指示。藉由了解火星和金星的背景，就可以清楚明了為何男人和女人會不知不覺地犯下這個錯誤。隻要記住彼此的不同，就能修正錯誤，馬上以更多樣化的方式回應對方。

In chapter 2, we will explore how men's and women's values are inherently different and try to understand the two biggest mistakes we make in relating to the opposite sex: men mistakenly offer solutions and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction. Through understanding our Martian/Venusian background it becomes obvious why men and women unknowingly make these mistakes. By remembering these differences we can correct our mistakes and immediately respond to each other in more productive ways.

 第三章在於發覺男女處理壓力的不同方式。火星人傾向解決問題和安靜思考什麽事使他們困擾，金星人本能地感到需要談論讓她們困擾的事。你會學到在解決衝突時所需的新策略。

In chapter 3, we'll discover the different ways men and women cope with stress. While Martians tend to pull away and silently think about what's bothering them, Venusians feel an instinctive need to talk about what's bothering them. You will learn new strategies for getting what you want at these conflicting times.

 我們將在第四章探討如何鼓舞異性。男人在感覺自己被需要時容易受到激發；女人則在感覺受珍愛時才會被激發。我們將討論促進兩性關係的三步驟，並探討如何克服挑戰：男人需要克服他們的吝於付出愛；女人需要克服她們的吝於接受愛。

We will explore how to motivate the opposite sex in chapter 4. Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished. We will discuss the three steps for improving relationships and explore how to overcome our greatest challenges: men need to overcome their resistance to giving love while women must overcome their resistance to receiving it.

 第五章你將學習到，男女因使用不同語言而老是誤解對方。“金星／火星措詞辭典”能夠翻譯一般的誤解用辭。你將學到男人和女人如何為了完全不同的理由說話及停止說話。女人將學到當男人停止說話時該怎麽辦？男人將學到為了不致失望，該如何成為更好的傾聽者。

In chapter 5, you'll learn how men and women commonly misunderstand each other because they speak different languages. A Martian/Venusian Phrase Dictionary is provided to translate commonly misunderstood expressions. You will learn how men and women speak and even stop speaking for entirely different reasons. Women will learn what to do when a man stops talking, and men will learn how to listen better without becoming frustrated.

 第六章你會發現男人和女人對親熱有何不同要求。男人親密後必然需要抽離，女人會學到如何支持這個抽離的過程，以便使他像橡皮筋一樣彈跳回來。女人也會學到與男人親密談話的最好時機。

In chapter 6, you will discover how men and women have different needs for intimacy. A man gets close but then inevitably needs to pull away. Women will learn how to support this pulling‑away process so he will spring back to her like a rubber band. Women also will learn the best times for having intimate conversations with a man.

 第七章探討女人的愛情態度是如何的有周期性起伏，男人將學習如何正確判斷女人偶爾的情感變化，及認識女人何時最需要關心，如何在女人情感起伏時有技巧地、不放棄地支持她們。

We will explore, in chapter 7, how a woman's loving attitudes rise and fall rhythmically in a wave motion. Men will learn how correctly to interpret these sometimes sudden shifts of feeling. Men also will learn to recognize when they are needed the most and how to be skillfully supportive at those times without having to make sacrifices.

 第八章你會發現男人和女人如何給與他們自己需要的愛，而不是異性需要的愛。男人基本上需要信任、接受、感激的愛，女人基本上需要體貼、了解、尊重的愛。你會發現六種你常不知不覺間用來躲避配偶的方法。

In chapter 8, you'll discover how men and women give the kind of love they need and not what the opposite sex needs. Men primarily need a kind of love that is trusting, accepting, and appreciative. Women primarily need a kind of love that is caring, understanding, and respectful. You will discover the six most common ways you may unknowingly be turning off your partner.

 第九章將探討如何避免痛苦的爭論。男人會學到若他們老以為自己的做法是對的，會使女人的感覺變得毫無價值；女人會學到她們如何不知不覺地傳送失望的訊息來代替她的不同意思，因而引發男人的防衛。我們將解析爭論並提供建立支持溝通的許多實用建議。

In chapter 9, we will explore how to avoid painful arguments. Men will learn that by acting as if they are always right they may invalidate a woman's feelings. Women will learn how they unknowingly send messages of disapproval instead of disagreement, thus igniting a man's defenses. The anatomy 解剖學,剖析 of an argument will be explored along with many practical suggestions for establishing supportive communication.

 第十章列出男人和女人不同的計分法。男人將學知：對金星人而言，每件代表愛情的禮物不管金額大小，都和其他禮物得到同樣的分數。女人注重愛情的小小表現，而非昂貴的禮物。此章列出了女人計分的一百零一種方式。但女人必須學習將她們的精力放在給與男人想要的東西上，以搏得男人的高分評價。

Chapter 10 will show how men and women keep score (keep a record of past events or actions) differently. Men will learn that for Venusians every gift of love scores equally with every other gift, regardless of size. Instead of focusing on one big gift men are reminded that the little expressions of love are just as important; 101 ways to score points with women are listed. Women, however, will learn to redirect their energies into ways that score big with men by giving men what they want.

 第十一章你將學習在困難時刻如何彼此溝通。我們會討論男人與女人隱藏感覺的不同方式及分享感覺的重要。並推薦向另一半書寫表達消極感覺的情書技巧，做為發現更美好的愛情與諒解的方法。

In chapter 11, you'll learn ways to communicate with each other during difficult times. The different ways men and women hide feelings are discussed along with the importance of sharing feelings. The Love Letter Technique is recommended for expressing negative feelings to your partner, as a way of finding greater love and forgiveness.

 第十二章你會發現金星人為何難以開口請求支持，以及火星人為何抗拒請求。你會學到男人以什麽來取代說“你可不可以……”，以及學習鼓勵男人說出更多的秘密，你也會發現多種簡短、直接的力量及如何使用正確的字眼。

You will understand why Venusians have a more difficult time asking for support in chapter 12, as well as why Martians commonly resist requests. You will learn how the phrases "could you" and "can you" turn off men and what to say instead. You will learn the secrets for encouraging a man to give more and discover in various ways the power of being brief, direct, and using the correct wording.

 你會在第十三章發現愛情的四季變化。這個愛情變化與成長的實際觀察，將幫助你克服浮現在任何關係中不可避免的障礙。你會學到你或配偶的過去足以影響你們目前的關係，你也會發現保持愛情活力的重要洞察力。

In chapter 13 you'll discover the four seasons of love. This realistic perspective of how love changes and grows will assist you in overcoming the inevitable obstacles that emerge in any relationship. You will learn how your past or your partner's past can affect your relationship in the present and discover other important insights for keeping the magic of love alive.

 在本書的每一章中，你都可以發現增進愛情與維持關係的新秘訣。每個新發現都可增加你創造滿意關係的能力。

In each chapter of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus you will discover new secrets for creating loving and lasting relationships. Each new discovery will increase your ability to have fulfilling (gratify, satisfy) relationships.

 愛情需要用心

GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH

 戀愛總是奇異的，它讓人感到永恒，好像愛情至死不渝。我們天真地相信自己可以避免父母親曾有的問題，不會遇上愛情死亡的機會，確信愛情就是兩人在一起，注定永遠快樂的共同生活。

Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively believe that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after.

 但當日子一天天過去，奇異的感覺減少，男人期待女人以男人的方式思想和行動，女人期待男人以女人的方式感覺和表現的態度就原形畢露了。若沒有清楚了解我們的不同，我們就不會花時間彼此了解和尊重，反而會變得不斷要求、忿恨、衝動、主觀和固執己見。

But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awareness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant.

 愛情在強烈的愛的意圖下繼續死亡。問題莫名其妙地爬升，忿恨形成，溝通破裂，不信任增加，導致兩人間互相拒絕與壓抑——愛情的魔力消失了。

　　我們自問：

　　愛情的死亡是怎麽發生的？

　　為何愛情的死亡會發生？

    為什麽讓我遇上愛情的死亡？

With the best and most loving intentions love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep in. The resentments build. Communication breaks down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and repression result. The magic of love is lost.

We ask ourselves:

How does it happen?

Why does it happen?

Why does it happen to us?

 為了回答這些問題，我們偉大的心靈必須探究聰慧、複雜的哲學與、心理學模式。但愛情死亡隻不過是舊曲重唱，幾乎每個人都會碰上。

To answer these questions our greatest minds have developed brilliant and complex philosophical and psychological models. Yet still the old patterns return. Love dies. It happens to almost everyone.

 每一天，有成千上萬的人在尋找配偶共同經曆特別的愛情感覺；每一年，成千上萬的夫妻以愛結合，然後因失去愛情感覺而痛苦分離。那些能夠維持愛情熱度到結婚的，隻有百分之五十會結婚，另外百分之五十雖仍維持在一起，但可能他們都不滿意，基於忠貞與義務地在一起，或者害怕重新開展新戀情。

Each day millions of individuals are searching for a partner to experience that special loving feeling. Each year, millions of couples join together in love and then painfully separate because they have lost that loving feeling. From those who are able to sustain love long enough to get married, only 50 percent stay married. Out of those who stay together, possibly another 50 percent are not fulfilled. They stay together out of loyalty and obligation or from the fear of starting over.

 很少人能夠真正隨著愛情成長，但不容否認，確實有人能夠做到。隻有當男人和女人能夠尊重和接受彼此的不同，愛情才有機會繁盛。

Very few people, indeed, are able to grow in love. Yet, it does happen. When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.

 經由了解兩性之間潛藏的不同，我們可以更成功地給與及接受暗藏於心中的愛情。認知和接受男女的不同可以創造解決問題的答案，而使我們能心想事成。更重要的是，可知悉如何彼此親愛與如何支持我們在乎的人。

By validating and accepting our differences, creative solutions can be discovered whereby we can succeed in getting what we want. And, more important, we can learn how to best love and support the people we care about.Through understanding the hidden differences of the opposite sex we can more successfully give and receive the love that is in our hearts.

 愛情是奇妙的，如果我們記住彼此的不同，愛情是可以長久的。

Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences.

 

--- To be continued