《Transform an Ignored into a Cherished Girl》

Shape happiness. Together, we can make a difference.

Dear Girl,

I read your writing about how to “do the most false girl”. It makes my heart ache to see such hurt feeling. I would like to give you a hand if I can because you do not have to deserve it. How to build up health relationship with parents who think that men is superior to woman and how to transform an ignored girl to a cherished girl in the eyes of your parents is challenge. However, shape happiness is a right and an obligation for humanity, even she is a girl. Would you like to work with me together for figuring it out?

It is a quotidian phenomenon that parents discriminate against daughters and are in favor of sons in China. I have come across so many outstanding girls/women who were discriminated by their parents and developed an inferiority complex and suffering from the experiences in their life.

Anyway, I believe that your parents love you. Here I am far from blame your parents. As you know, the view that your parents hold and the behaviors that you parents perform have its historic, social, and psychological reasons.

Forgiveness is the theme. Forgiveness is like that. When you live under a cloud of bitterness or sorrow because of unforgiveness, life can be like a cold and icy winter every day. What can we do personally to bring about change in our lives and the lives of other people? Well, we do have a part to play in this. Many families are broken because of our refusal to forgive. This is an issue of power for people. Refusal to forgive gives us control over another person and allows us to manipulate them. But what is our motive? What is ultimately gained by withholding our love from those we love?

First of all, I pray for you and hope you have a positive attitude and a happy life. In fact, it is possible to rebuild your relationship with your parents and transform yourself as a joyous girl instead of a depressed girl. Meanwhile, your parents will be deeply rewarded from the close relationship too.

Here are several steps that you may try. Please feel free to ask me if you have any questions. I am here with you and pray for you.

Information for Analyze:

• List all of the hurt feelings and events in your life based on your parents’ discrimination from clothes, food, living, study, transportation tool, education, work support, financial, making friends, to development.
• What are the most obstacles in your life when you grew up in making friends and in work office?
• Any dreams about the relationship between you and your parents, good, bad, panic, or so on.
• List the similarities and differences of the interaction and your responses when you are with your brother (two parties), and when you are with your brother and your parents (three parties).
• Your relationship with your brother (or any siblings) who your parents cherish him/her.
• Any bitterness in your life that you think related to your parents treating

Symptoms:

• Please people involuntary
• Hide your unfeigned feelings and wish
• Weep or/and sentimental out of control facing typical circumstance and melancholy songs, music, movie, fictions, paintings, sad story, a word from your beloved one
• Your brother’s need is your need.
• Your brother is priority for any choice in your life.
• Difficult to forgiveness and easy to be empathy people who are suffering
• Mixed feeling in self-confidence and self-inferior
• Dreams that your parents abandon you or other panic dream related to your parents

Solution Tips:

1. Write a letter to your parents, context including: Express your love to parents, your brother, speak out your hurt feelings, ask for forgiveness, try to be understand each other, solve misunderstood, cry out for their love

• “I love you and appreciate your love, but I am also hurt by your idea and behavior.”
• Appreciate love: Appreciate all of things (in details) that you are moved in your life from your parents
• Speak out the hurt feeling from your parents in details through your lifetime
• Show your desire for love from your parents as they give to your brother
• What those hurts impact your development and suffering in psychological, social levels
• Cry out for their affection, attachment, intimacy, and help
• Ask them what you have hurt them too and give them reasons and/or ask their forgiveness.
• Tell them your situation in reality, positive and negative parts.

1. Let your brother read this letter to your parents first and hand your letter to your parents
2. Let your brother give you feedback timely. If your parents accept your letter, then to 4
3. Read the letter to your parents face-to-face around 1-2 weeks later
4. Discuss with your parents about how to heal wounded and rebuild relationship
5. Ask forgiveness in humble and in sincere and their help frankly
6. Avoid conflict exchange between you and your parents
7. Start to heal broken hearts; allow love entry all of your hearts; and shape a transformation spiritually and physically; dream beautifully (I save details here. If we can go through this step, future will be bright.)
8. Be honesty and dignity in facing every single issue that happen in you and your parents.
9. Never let same hurts happened again. Any ill-feeling has to be nipped in the bud before it develops into open revolt