秋月冬雪
春有百花秋有月，夏有涼風冬有雪，若無閑事掛心頭，便是人間好時節
寶壇的溝通高手很多，比如瑪麗，她常常給姐妹們非常好的建議。
我以前看的這本書是中文版，受益良多。中文翻譯書名是：人性的弱點。這本書是所有現代溝通指南的鼻祖，第一版發行於1937年。道理淺顯，通俗易懂。
有效的溝通首先要取的對方的信任。首先我們要做的是肯定對方的感受，成就，和努力。就拿孩子來說吧，你如果想把他往你要去的方向引導：比如說他不喜歡刷牙，而你想讓他主動刷牙。模式就是：媽媽知道刷牙不是你很喜歡做的事情，可是不刷牙牙齒會壞的。媽媽很高興你那天讓媽媽幫你刷牙，你如果可以自己主動刷牙就更好了。
這隻是一個非常片麵的例子。例子舉的是和小孩溝通。和配偶對大人的溝通其實大同小異。男人通常不喜歡拐彎摸角，對於你的不滿，暗示和發脾氣其實作用不大甚至會起反效果。拿洗碗這件事來說，我處理得不好。我的方法，我一直抱怨他洗碗把水龍頭開得太大了，老是搞得到處都是水。這個是一個非常沒有效率的抱怨，因為沒有人喜歡聽別人抱怨，尤其是被抱怨的人幹的活被批評了。這樣很容易產生逆反心理，心想：哼，我洗碗你還抱怨，老子不幹了。
正確的處理方式：老公，謝謝你為我們洗碗，真是洗得又快又好！我有一個小小的建議，你說你能不能洗碗的時候，把水開小一點，水開大了，容易噴出來，還要花工夫去抹，化不少時間呢。這樣說，避免指責但是又明確的表達了你的意願，比抱怨的效果好。
但是，這個東西不是萬靈丹，不是１００％有效的。對俺家LG無效，因為他洗碗就是要把水開大了才爽。提了幾次，我也就算了。夫妻嘛，就是互相忍受一些對方的缺點。對不欣賞的事情視而不見，那樣才處得下去。
另外還有劉墉的＂我不是教你詐＂係列也是很好的待人處世指南。向大家推薦。
說話的方式影響效果。書裏說得非常清楚。我在不斷的學習中，和大家共勉吧。
How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
This is a must read for people who are interested in sharpening their communication skills. I read it when I was a high schooler. I plan to read it again as it has been a very long time and I would like to revisit this book. Someone excepted parted of the book in Amazon.
THE FUNDAMENTALS
"Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."
People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back.
Say "Thank You".
Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.
Talk about what people want and help them get it.
"Arouse in others an eager want."
Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.
WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
Be happy to see people.
Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.
Smile!
Remembers peoples' names!!
Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them.
Draw people out.
Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.
Actively research the other person's interests.
Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.
WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
Don't argue!
Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.
Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.
They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder stillto admit it to others.
If you know you're wrong, admit it.
Openly and freely admit whenever you're wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you're wrong even of you think you aren't.
Friendliness begets friendliness.
Always begin that way. Don't accuse.
Never neglect a kindness.
Look for ways to do or say something nice.
Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.
When a person has said "no" it's hard to get them to change even if they know they're wrong.
Let the other person do most of the talking.
Listen patiently and don't interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.
Let people come to your conclusions.
First,tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you.People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you aslong as they came up with them on their own.
Think always in terms of the other person's point of view.
Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they're sitting.
Think of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.
Give it to them and they will love you.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Dramatize your ideas.
"Don't use logic; tell stories." Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don't know until you show them what you mean.
Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).
BE A LEADER
Don't go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You'll always get a negative reaction.
Change "but" into "and".
Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.
Ask questions rather than giving orders.
Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.
People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.
Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.
Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.
Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.
Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.
Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.
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