2008 recital

老大學琴 9 年了。今年是第一年我可以在家把他的練習當作音樂欣賞。他的技巧早已在我的理解之上，而他對音樂的理解隨年齡的增長也有了長足的進步，餘下的還是不可避免地受到了年齡的局限，我已經幫不上什麽忙了。

孩子練琴，也提升了我做媽的欣賞水平。看著孩子把一個陌生的曲子，從勉強成曲到流暢背誦，從單手練習到雙手再加一腳的配合，從機械的強弱輕重到有所理解的抑揚頓挫，生生地把音樂分析解剖開來，讓習慣於一流成品音樂的我偷窺到一點其中的內在邏輯，從而對音樂的內涵有了深一層的體會。就仿佛在上等餐館享受美食，我往往僅滿足於一時的口腹之欲，讚美一下總體的美感。但是現在兒子學做菜，我旁觀著一道道的工序和操作，朦朧中對什麽樣的步驟要達到什麽樣的效果有了些領悟。對最後放到桌上的成品，我的品味就不再局限於囫圇吞棗的粗糙評判，而是去細膩品嚐每一種調料對味蕾的刺激，質感的變化如何融合在五味之中，而色彩的呈現如何提升食欲。兒子的廚藝十有八九比不上大廚，隻是做媽的偏偏能品出 N 多孩子的心血和努力，在所難免地把心偏到一邊去了。

今年老大匯報演出的曲目是德彪西的《阿拉伯式的》（不知道翻得對不對）。據鋼琴老師說，是古典音樂期的無標題曲子。但這一曲，一反通常無標題音樂的嚴密和含蓄，是相當抒情流暢的。我本來對此曲是一無所知，但是它的旋律在老大練習的最初幾個星期，就深深吸引了我。他這半年多的練習，這首曲子也伴隨了我這半年多來的跌宕起伏，數次讓我涕淚俱下。往往是我在廚房或樓上臥室，兒子輕輕奏起，琴聲在空曠的起居室裏回響，在我胸中激起共鳴。我悄然放下手中的事情，靜靜享受他的詮釋，而幽然釋放我的壓抑。平心而論，他的表演不是他最好的表現。因為緊張，他有錯處，忽略了某些細膩樂句，他的精力集中在如何少出錯而不是表現他的理解。我聽他的錄音，沒有平時不期而至的感動。不過，易地而處，成人也未必不怯場。

常常告訴兒子，讓他學琴，不是為了升學加分，不是為了將來名利雙收，也不是為了父母臉上的光彩（誠懇一些的話，至少不是 100% ）。我隻是希望在我力所能及的範圍內，給他能力和機會去活出職場和人際關係以外的品味。有了紮實的樂理基礎，靈巧協調的手指，將來不必隻是被動的欣賞音樂或被別人的表演感動，更可以隨心所欲地宣泄自己喜怒哀樂。我不希望給他指定人生要攀登幾個山頭，需要走得多高；我要他懂得，享受旅途比抵達目標更有樂趣。峰頂固然風光無限好，但路邊的風景未必不入流。

出人意料的是，他的學習，也讓我多嗅了許多野花香。






女兒的演出就乏善可言。一則我管得鬆，二則她自我要求很低。隻能說，很增加我的自信。小丫頭片子，還是嫩，老媽練它幾個星期，比她隻強不弱！

Original English version:

Jason has been playing piano for 9 years now. This is the first year that I finally can enjoy the music without worrying about his understanding or techniques. No, it is more than no worry, he entertains me with his daily practice.

Debussy’s Arabesque, is a non-program piece from classical period, which Jason spent months learning, perfecting and memorizing. I had no background of knowing this piece before, but the melody caught my attention during first couple of weeks. Jason improved his performance through his practice, but the notes also swung my heart through my last 6 months’ emotional journey. Many times, when I was in the kitchen, or bedroom upstairs, when his playing filled up the living room, I had to stop what I was doing, quiet my mind and let the music move me to tears.

The recital recording is not Jason’s best performance. He was nervous, so he made mistakes, rushed some delicate phrases and flattened expressions. I have heard better. But I sense so much growth in Jason, along with my dear memories of my recent life. Raising a kid learning piano, gave me the chance to dissect the music composition and piano techniques into bits and pieces, made me to appreciate music from a new level. It is like you might appreciate gourmet food in a fancy restaurant, but when your son learns to make those wonderful dishes, you will see the steps of preparing material, process and the difficulty to make the final presentation, you will know how much work and input of the cook beneath every detail of the flavor and texture. The dish in front of you might not be the top quality in professional world, but you enjoy it with the pride of your growing child regardless. The experience also made you better understand the dishes you used to like in the fancy dining places, and you will savor them next time like never before.

I told Jason more than once the purpose of him learning piano. It is not about the certificate he can obtain to add points to his college entrance credential; it is not about his success in his career, especially in monetary terms; it is not even about the vanity reward to me as a parent (although, I have to admit, at least not 100%). It is about giving him the ability and opportunity to appreciate and live his life in an unconventional direction. He will have the solid foundation of music theory, the flexible and coordinating fingers to pick up any instruments he likes and learn by himself; he will be able to better trigger and release his emotions through art and music, and with the ability to express the excess feelings through his own interpretation of whatever the music pieces that fits his mood. So I invest my resource into his piano learning, to enrich his future life. I don’t predict and push him on how high he should climb the mountain, but how well he should enjoy his journey in this world.

What I haven’t told Jason is that I do too, learned how to enjoy my journey better through his learning. My son, you make me proud!