政治諷刺小品：奧巴馬兩千斤白宮生活第一周周記

Our Week: Malia and Sasha Obama
According to Hugo Rifkind     January 24, 2009    From The Times


Monday Our Mom reckons we ought to start writing an autobiography. Daddy had written two by the time he was 45, and Mom reckons that if we don’t get going soon, we’re going to hit 40 and not even be congressmen. That’s not what this is, though. This is an open letter. Two girls called Bush wrote us one. We don’t know much about the Bushes. Daddy says they’re stupid, bitter people, who cleave to guns and religion out of desperation. We’re not meant to talk about that, though.

We’re also not really meant to talk about the time Daddy dressed up in that kaftan, and Mom got that machinegun, and they stood in front of the mirror, giggling. Daddy says this is a new era of transparency, though, so we’ve decided that we can talk about anything we want.

Tuesday Today is the big day. We’ve been sent a lot of clothes. We’ve already got through most of them, though. This morning, while we were getting dressed, Daddy kept shouting: “Change! Change!” We hope you like the clothes we ended up in. Daddy said this was a change he could believe in. Mom said he was just practising his speech.

We’d never been on a train before. Trains are weird. We do not intend to go on one again. Mom says we’ll be meeting a lot of people today, and we are to be nice to everybody except for the creepy man in the wheelchair. We note, with interest, the continued nonarrival of the promised puppy. We keep telling Daddy we want a pitbull. Daddy keeps laughing. We do not intend to put up with this sort of thing for much longer. We have reminded him that all of these people have come to see us, not him, and if the puppy doesn’t turn up soon there will be trouble.

Wednesday We are most displeased with our father. We cannot believe he got the words wrong. We also cannot believe he didn’t tell us we could come in fancy dress. Mrs Clinton’s son Chelsea got to come as Kermit’s girlfriend, from The Muppets. We had to wear normal clothes right the way through.

We did meet one of the Bushes. He didn’t look like he did in the photo that came with the open letter. Same face, but no long blonde wig. He called us Salia and Masha, told us we could see his house from there, and then pretended to steal our noses. We asked the Secret Service Man to throw him out on the street and give him a beating, but Mom came along and said that we weren’t allowed to do that sort of thing until tomorrow.

Thursday Mom says we’re basically in charge of the world, now.

“We’re still a normal family,” said Daddy. “Sure we are,” said Mom, and then she did that thing with her eyes that she does when Daddy isn’t looking.

That thing where they glow. Mom says we can be Secretary of State, just as soon as they can get rid of Mrs Clinton.

We’ve been unpacking, and watching the video from last week’s Children’s Inaugural Ball. We met the Jonas Brothers, who are our favourite pop group. They promised that they would dedicate a song to both of us.

“You’d better,” we said, “or else we’ll have you sent to Guantánamo Bay.” The Jonas Brothers started laughing at this, but we kept staring at them until they stopped laughing again. We need a bit of practice at this, but Mom told us that she was very proud.

Friday Daddy has closed Guantánamo Bay. Mom said he had to, so we’re trying not to be cross.

Generally, the White House is pretty cool. Although it’s a big place, we’ve decided that we want to share a room. We fancy the big oval one, in the middle. Daddy says he needs it as his office, but we’re pretty sure we’ll be able to talk him around soon.

“We have noticed”, we said to him at lunch, “that you have still not yet provided the aforementioned puppy.” “I’m working on it,” said Daddy.

We asked the Secret Service Man to throw him out in the street. The Secret Service Man said that he is thinking about it.            

附網絡譯文（斷章取義，僅供參考）

周一(1月19日)：媽媽說我們應該開始寫自傳

媽媽說我們應該開始寫自傳，因為爸爸45歲時，已經寫完了兩部自傳。媽媽認為，如果我們現在不立刻行動起來，可能到40歲也不能成為議員。我們對布什家人並不了解，爸爸說，他們都是愚蠢的可憐人，隻知道用槍炮和宗教來擺脫絕望。但這不是我們願意討論的話題，我們對《競報》封麵上爸爸穿著土耳其長袍、媽媽抱著機關槍的事不感興趣。爸爸說，這是一個一切都透明的新時代，因此我們決定討論讓我們感興趣的話題。

周二(1月20日)：火車太神奇了 還想坐一次

今天是個大日子，一早我們收到各式各樣的衣服，並且一一試穿。當我們早上穿上漂亮衣服時，爸爸大呼:“女兒們變了，好漂亮！”他希望我們能夠喜歡這些一直要穿著的衣服，他相信這是一個改變。媽媽說，爸爸需要開始練習演講致辭。我們以前從來沒有乘過火車。火車太神奇了，我們還想再坐一次。媽媽說，我們今天將看到很多人，我們必須對每個人都有禮貌。但我們最感興趣的是，他們答應的小狗就要送來了。

周三(1月21日)：把布什扔到大街上狠揍一頓

我們都生爸爸的氣了，不敢相信他竟然說錯話，還不告訴我們將參加化妝舞會。我們不得不穿上正式禮服，規規矩矩地呆著。我們見到了布什及其家人，他看起來不像照片中的那個人，盡管臉一樣，但沒有金色假發。他叫我們Salia和Masha(實際上是薩莎Sasha和瑪利亞Malia)，告訴我們，從這裏能看到他的房子，然後假裝偷捏了我們的鼻子。我們要求保鏢們把他扔到大街上，狠狠揍他一頓，但是媽媽過來了，不允許我們做出這麽出格的事情。

周四(1月22日)：將流行樂團關進關塔那摩

媽媽說，我們現在要對全世界負責。爸爸說:“我們依然是一個正常家庭。”媽媽回答說，當然。媽媽說，我們將來可能成為國務卿。我們觀看上周兒童就職舞會錄像，見到了我們最喜歡的當紅流行樂團----新澤西的兄弟組合Jonas Brothers，他們還答應專門為我們倆寫一首歌。我們說:“你們真是太好了，否則我們就把你們關進關塔那摩監獄。” 他們都笑了，我們就這樣一直盯著偶像。

周五(1月23日)：把爸爸扔到大街上

爸爸已經關閉了關塔那摩監獄，媽媽說他必須這麽做。盡管白宮很大，但它是一個很酷的地方。我們想要中間那個大卵形的房間當臥室。可是爸爸說，他需要將它作為辦公室。午餐時間我們對爸爸說:“我們已經接到通知了，你依然沒有兌現承諾，給我們一條小狗。” 爸爸回答說:“我正在給你們選。”我們要求保鏢將他扔到大街上，但他們沒有執行我們的指令。